'AITA for refusing to let my dad walk me down the aisle after what he did at my graduation?'

"AITA for refusing to let my dad walk me down the aisle after what he did at my graduation?"

I (26F) am getting married this fall. I’ve been planning the ceremony for months, and everyone keeps asking who’s walking me down the aisle. I always thought it would be my dad—until what happened at my graduation last year. To give context: I put myself through college. No financial help from my dad.

He’s always been in and out of my life—supportive when it’s convenient for him, absent when things get hard. Still, I invited him to my graduation, hoping he’d make the effort. He showed up late (after the ceremony), brought his new girlfriend I’ve never met, and didn’t say a single word about being proud of me.

He spent most of the dinner talking about her new business and left early because she was “tired.” That night, I cried. Not because I needed his validation, but because it made me realize I’ve been begging for crumbs of attention from a man who sees me as optional.

So now, I’ve decided: my mom is walking me down the aisle. She raised me, she sacrificed for me, and she’s never once missed a moment. When I told my dad, he got defensive and said I was “punishing him for one bad night.” My relatives are split—some say I should just let it go and not create drama at my wedding.

But I feel like this is the one time I get to choose who really showed up for me.

AITA?

The internet had a lot to say in response.

Briefhorror wrote:

“No you’re experiencing the consequences of not being a good father.”

Sweet-Interview5620 wrote:

NTA I’d be laughing and saying or making a post to a family group chat

“One bad night? it’s been my whole life what are you talking about. He really is delusional if he or anyone think he has only failed me once instead of every single occasion he could."

"That it’s rich being told not to create drama when that’s all he’s ever done and ruined every event he could for me and is trying to do so once again. You choosing the one person who’s always loved you and been there for you to walk down the aisle is not creating drama. It’s putting my wants and needs first and honouring my mum who’s been the only unconditional support I’ve ever had."

"That he’s the one causing drama and he is the one who ensured I learned expecting anything of him would only give him another chance to hurt me. Actions have consequences and in this case he has 26 years of actions I could chose from.“

CalmChick21 wrote:

NTA.

He gets what he deserves. Walking down the aisle means handing you over to your husband's family after taking care of you. Your mom deserves the honor of doing that not your dad.

Character-Tennis-41 wrote:

NTA. I have a niece who did this same thing for the same reason. He threw a tantrum and came "just in case she changed her mind". He stormed out when she didn't.

Don't worry about what anyone else thinks. It's none of their business.

PiscesBambi wrote:

He’s the one causing drama, not you. It irks me how in all these stories (including this one) the flying monkeys always take issue with the wronged party for finally standing up for themselves and making decisions that benefit and fulfill them, because the noise makers perceive it as the path of least resistance.

Your wedding, your decision. Do away with those who continue to choose a man who doesn’t value and support you, they bring nothing to your life.

joe-lefty500 wrote:

One bad night? No. A lifetime of barely being there. He doesn’t deserve the honour of walking you down the aisle. Going forward, stop hoping for his attention and approval and get on with your life. Best wishes for a happy marriage. NTA.

grouchykitten517 wrote:

I really am just automatically downvoting when I read "my friends/relatives/alien abductors are split at this point. Not even thinking about it anymore. Might just start reporting too since we're not allowed to have fake posts anymore.

El_Culero_Magnifico wrote:

Not sure why he’s even invited, but NTA. Why are relatives weighing in? Did you poll them? You are the only one ( and your finance) who has a say in what happens at YOUR wedding. You are not “punishing him for one bad night." It sounds like you've endured a lifetime of his neglect and apathy. Why should he expect anything different in return.

Doomcando wrote:

NTA. If your dad doesn’t want to be a dad. He doesn’t get dad benefits. My dad is dying of a tumor in his spine and I’m not even gonna consider seeing him. He was a worthless human being who was cruel to myself and my bada$$ mom. My mom was a hard working single parent to 3 kids until he came along. She had to put up with a lot of mental abuse from him.

And now he’s gonna die and no one will visit him. I have a shirt prepared for this occasion and I’m more pissed that he’s taking his sweet time to expire. I want to print my shirt out damn you!!! Oh sorry, uhh yeah, don’t let your stinky sperm doner dad have anything to do with the wedding. He clearly doesn’t want to be there anyways from the sounds of it.

But your mother does! I think her walking you down the aisle is a wonderful idea. It will make for a beautiful memory between you two for a whole lifetime. I hope you have a great wedding with her there by your side.👍

Significant_Taro_690 wrote:

No you are rewarding your mom. NTA. Its your decision. And if he makes a drama about all that he exactly shows you why he isnt the right person for that job. Oh and maybe warn him that if he or his gf is coming in white means they get both kicked out. Of the wedding and all future events.