'AITA for refusing to let my mom move in with me even though she has nowhere else to go?'

"AITA for refusing to let my mom move in with me even though she says she has nowhere else to go?"

My name is Mark, 26-years-old , I finally got my own apartment last year after saving for years. It’s a small one-bedroom place, nothing fancy, but it’s mine and it’s the first time I’ve ever really had privacy. My mom, she is 52-years-old recently broke up with her boyfriend and had to move out of his house.

She called me crying, saying she didn’t have anywhere to go and asked if she could stay for a few weeks. Of course, I said yes, she’s my mom. But it’s been four months. She hasn’t looked for a new place, doesn’t help with groceries, and has started treating my apartment like it’s hers.

She rearranged my furniture, keeps commenting on my food choices, and even tried to throw away some of my stuff because it looked old. I’ve gently brought it up a few times, but every time I do, she gets emotional and says things like, “Wow, after all I did for you, now you’re kicking me out?” or “You’d let your own mother be homeless?”

Last week, she invited two of her friends over while I was at work without even asking. I came home to people sitting on my couch drinking wine. That’s when I told her we needed to set a deadline for her to move out. She cried and said I’ve changed and that she can’t believe how cold I’ve become.

My sister thinks I’m being heartless, but she lives two hours away and isn’t offering to take Mom in either. I love my mom, but I just can’t live like this anymore. I’m starting to feel like a guest in my own home. AITA for asking my mom to move out even though she says she has nowhere to go?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Guilty-Company-9755 wrote:

NTA. She had 4 months to figure out somewhere to go, and 4 months to save money to pay for said somewhere. Give her 30 days to find somewhere and be out and make it a hard deadline. If she isn't out by 30 days, you will have the Sheriff come and escort her off the property since she will be trespassing. Change the locks at 31 days so she no longer has any access.

She's guilting you by using her raising you as a bargaining chip. "After all I did for you", you mean the shit parents are legally obligated to do for their children as a bare minimum?! Get her out and do not let her back in. She found your place when she was looking for somewhere to go, she'll find another place in 30 days.

2cents0fucks wrote:

I don't know why you're asking if you're TA for something you didn't do: You didn't refuse to let her move in with you, she IS living with you. NTA for setting a deadline. Tell your sis to put up or shut up.

As for your mother, she has had four months rent-and-bill-free with you, and since it was her bf's house, however long she lived with him probably rent-free too. If she was paying him rent (and in some places, even if she wasn't) she could be considered a legal tenant and he would have had to evict her, which would have given her even more time to save up and find a new place.

Sounds like she's taking advantage of you. And as for you. If your apartment is rented, not owned, depending on the laws in your area and the contract, you could be in breach of contract having a non-paying resident stay for so long, and risk getting the both of you evicted. Check your lease, and stick to the deadline.

Majestic-evening-242 wrote:

NTA you worked hard for your peace. At 52 she can still do a lot. Set a date and schedule a moving truck even if it’s just a small one. She has to know you are serious. If you can support yourself so can she.

tipsybaker_ wrote:

NTA but she's manipulating the hell out of you. I'm going to be a little mean here but it sounds like you need it. Mom does not have your best interests at heart like she should. Instead she's taking advantage of you and everything you've worked for. I'm going to go as far as calling this abuse between the emotional manipulation and financial aspect.

Especially with the flying monkey sister involved, who you should be asking when she's taking her turn hosting any time she tries to start with you. You need to stand up for yourself and make her leave.

The timeline isn't going to work. Her reaction to that conversation after 4 months of freeloading is proof enough of that. It's time for her to go. She might be your mother but she's not supposed to be your problem.

Odd_Tea9456 wrote:

Your mom has "nowhere to go" because she hasn't looked for where to go in 4 months. I think she's quite comfortable at your place, she's making it hers and she's very comfortable not paying for a thing. And she's guilt tripping you.

If you want my honest opinion, this will go bad for you. She might even say that you're the one that needs to find another place, because she made your home hers. If I was in your shoes, I'd give her a deadline. She's going to guilt trip you over and over and you can answer her is not healthy for anyone that you two live together, that she needs her own space to do whatever she likes and you also need your space.

Talkietina wrote:

Does your landlord know that you have an extra occupant in your apartment? Whether he/she does or not, I’d tell your mom that you’re in violation of your lease and that she’ll have to stay in a motel rentable by the week until she finds something else.

Definitely NTA.

dell828 wrote:

BLAME THE LANDLORD...

Tell her she is not on your lease, and needs to leave, as you are allowed guests, but she is no longer a guest, and you are now potentially violating your lease, and could be kicked out.

opine704 wrote:

NTA. She DOES have somewhere to go - sister's house. Or how 'bout those friends who were drinking wine on your sofa? Or her own place. She's had zero rent for 4 months = she should have a nice deposit saved up for a rental.

She has overstayed, overstepped, and under performed.