'AITA for refusing to let my son and his pregnant girlfriend move back in with me?' 'I'm abandoning them.'
"AITA for refusing to let my son and his pregnant girlfriend move back in with me?"
My son, we’ll call him jake, 23, has always been an independent and hardworking guy. After graduating college, he moved out, got a decent job, and seemed to be doing well for himself.
A few months ago, he introduced me to his new girlfriend, we’ll call her Emily. She seemed nice enough at first, but over time, I started noticing some red flags. She quit her job shortly after they started dating, claiming she wanted to find something better, but hasn't made much of an effort to look.
She also has a bit of a spending problem, always wanting to go out to expensive restaurants and buy new clothes, despite not having a steady income. Recently, Jake came to me with some news. Emily is pregnant, and they want to move back in with me to save money.
They plan to get married and raise the baby together. I was taken aback. While I love my son and want to support him, I don't think moving in with me is the right solution. I worked hard to provide a stable home for Jake when he was growing up, and now that he's an adult, I believe he needs to learn how to handle his own responsibilities.
I told Jake that while I'm excited to be a grandparent and will help out in other ways, they can't move in with me. I offered to help them find a more affordable place to live and promised to assist with some baby expenses, but I can't have them living under my roof. Emily was furious and accused me of not caring about their future. Jake seemed disappointed but understood my reasoning.
Now, Emily has been posting on Facebook about how I'm abandoning them in their time of need, and some of our family members have reached out, saying I should let them move in temporarily. I feel bad, but I also believe that enabling them won't teach them the independence they need.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
SpringfieldMO_Daddy said:
NTA - This sounds like it is being driven by Emily. Think about it from a slightly different perspective: Would you want someone living under your roof who did not hesitate to try to hurt you via social media?
teresajs said:
NTA. Emily can be dependent on someone other than you. Since Emily is badmouthing you, reduce the amount of help you might otherwise have offered (fewer gifts and less babysitting, for instance) and try to focus more specifically on support that could help your son more than Emily. Don't do favors for people who are unkind to you.
Tell your family members that Emily hasn't been working and isn't doing anything to support herself. But you would be happy to let your son and his GF know that they (the family members) want to help them with housing.
Odd-End-1405 said:
NTA. VERY smart. Her time of need is due to her own choices and as adults, it is on them to figure out how to move forward. Continue the course, or she will try to make you free daycare/diaper service. Maybe if they are so bad off....she actually get a job?!
Royal_Princesss said:
NTA. Allowing them to move in might enable their financial dependence and lack of responsibility. It's important for young adults to learn to navigate life's challenges and become self-sufficient.
Lazuli_Rose said:
NTA. How many of the family reaching out to you have offered to put Jake and his pregnant girlfriend? None, I'd wager. Sounds Emily found a nice man with a job, decided to live off him/baby trap him and when her plans to move in on you fell through she's taken to social media to try to tarnish your reputation.
If they moved in, she's expect you to "help" with the baby a.k.a. raise it while she does what she wants or she would weaponize it against you.
CrazyObjective1163 said:
NTA. They haven’t been together long. And now they want to be married and raise a child. These are very adult decisions and they need to act like adults in the rest of their life and take care of themselves and the baby. If they can’t do so, then they should reconsider their current choices.
Bucky-Katt-Guitar said:
It isn't your son doing this. It's his crazy, entitled, future ex-wife/girlfriend doing all the blaming. Do. Not. Let. Them. Move. In! Not even a single night in your house or you'll never get rid of her.
Also, DO NOT allow them to start getting mail at your house as that's way that scammers and other dirt bags will establish residency making it that much harder to get rid of them. I'm sorry that you're having to deal with your son acting like an ingrate. NTA.