'AITA for refusing to let my two close friends sleep over after they lied to me about plans?' UPDATED

"AITA for refusing to let my two close friends sleep over at my place after they lied to me about their plans?"

So, I (teenage girl) have two really good friends — one is a close friend, the other is my best friend since literally before we could talk. We’ve been inseparable since we were one year old.

Recently, though, she’s been spending a lot more time with this other close friend. I’ve been feeling kinda left out and honestly, a bit jealous, but I’ve been trying not to let it get to me too much. Today, both of them asked if they could crash at my place tonight.

They made it sound like they just wanted to hang out outside and needed a place to sleep because they couldn’t stay at each other’s houses. I joked (but also kind of meant it) that it felt like they were just using me for a bed, since it seemed like the plan was just the two of them hanging out without me — and now suddenly I’m useful because I have a room.

Later, one of them called me and admitted they were actually going to a house party tonight and didn’t want to go home afterward in “that state,” so they needed a place to sleep — again, mine. They hadn’t told me about the party at all, hadn’t invited me, and outright lied about what they were doing earlier. That stung.

What hurt more is that I only found out today that my best friend started smoking recently — something she always said she’d never do, especially since we all agreed we were against it. She didn’t tell me, but she told this other girl. It feels like she’s changed, and I’m being left out of the loop.

So when they asked to stay over, I said no. I don’t want to feel used, and it hurt that they weren’t honest with me. But now I’m wondering if I’m being too sensitive or petty about this. Like, maybe I should’ve just let them stay — maybe I’m overreacting. AITA for saying no and feeling hurt that they lied to me and left me out?

The internet kept sharing their thoughts.

Sad-Country-Girl wrote:

NTA - not sure how old you are, but I bet your mom and dad wouldn't be too pleased either for a couple drunk, smoke stinking girls to come stay.

OP responded:

They asked me if they could sneak in at night so my mom wouldn’t knew but still. I am 14 btw.

Cleveland_spigot wrote:

INFO Is the party the type of party that you would go to? If it is the type of party that you would go to, then you are NTA. If it is not the type of party that you would go to, then there are NAH. You just made a personal decision of how you want to use your own time.

I remember when I was a teenager, my days (especially the summer) were filled with social events from dawn to past midnight. Sometimes I would hang out with one group of people early in the day, and then a completely different group of people in the evening.

This could have been because some of the people between the groups didn't get along, or each group was doing different activities, so I had to choose. The weekends when my parents weren't home, my house was definitely "used" for parties. I put that in parenthesis because I definitely participated.

But, it was also something that was assumed. There was one group that I played D&D with, and a completely different group that I broke into abandoned buildings with. So, could it be a situation like that? Maybe, there is going to be techno music, and they know that you don't like techno music? Or a lot of people are going to be smoking and drinking, and you are just not into that?

OP responded:

The thing is this party is the first or second party for them and today at school we even talked about how we (me, those girls and another friend) wanted to go to a party like that someday soon (not knowing about this one). So I don’t think it’s like what you said.

arghhhme wrote:

I'm really proud of you. That was some phenomenal healthy boundary setting. You deserve better than them. The past is the past. You can still value who they were then even if they've stumbled and fallen on poor choices...but don't follow them.

Stay the course and keep moving forward in your life. Don't lower your standards or your values to stay friends w them. Instead, find new friends that match your standards and values!!

Zealousideal_fail946 wrote:

Normal stuff for your age. You will soon find out that people you called "friend" really aren't. You will fade from each other or, pretend to get along when together - you might even put each other in each other's weddings but, will soon find out that you aren't friends anymore (weddings will really show that). Let it go. Look for new friends.

Ollypooper wrote:

NTA. Also this happened to me at your age. But my best friend got lead very astray in the end. She got engaged to a lad she met with her new cool riskier friends. She was proud that the engagement ring he got her, when she was just 17, was stolen....being left out can be a blessing.

LopsidedAnything474 wrote:

Sweetheart I am so sorry. Being a teenage girl can be so hard sometimes. I know it hurts but these girls do not respect you and it seems that you are going down different paths and this is part of the reason you were left out. It was unclear whether you told them why they could not stay or if that was your internal rationale.

I think telling your friends why they hurt you and giving them a chance to explain or change their behavior could be a good idea if you’d like to salvage the friendship. This new smoking thing however might exclude you from some plans in the future though and you might want to consider focusing on your friends that share similar values.

The next day, OP shared an update.

Thanks to everyone who responded. I really appreciated the outside perspective because I felt like I was starting to gaslight myself. So after I told them they couldn’t sleep at my place, I honestly thought that would be the end of it. I figured they’d find somewhere else to stay and that would be that. But nope. Around 1AM, they started calling me nonstop—like 10 or 15 times.

I texted back and said I couldn’t talk because I was watching TV with my mom, and she was still half-awake. Just to be clear: there was no way they could’ve snuck in without her noticing, and I didn’t want to deal with that. Then one of them started sending voice messages and texting me again, saying stuff like:

“Please, can we come now?”

And then basically guilt-tripping me, saying they’d have to sleep at a random bus stop in the cold if I didn’t let them in.

So I replied something like:

“You lied to me about just walking around at night, then I find out you’re going to a party without even telling me or asking if I wanted to come. Now you expect to crash at my place? That feels like I’m just your backup plan. I’m not a hotel."

"I don’t want trouble with my mom because you’re showing up in the middle of the night. I already told you no. If you didn’t sort out another place to sleep, that’s not my fault. Please just go home.”

Her reply? “Yeah but bro you weren’t invited lol” “bro chill” “then nvm I guess.”

Which honestly just confirmed how little she cared about how I felt. No apology, no acknowledgment—just brushing it off. That’s the update.

The internet continued to share their thoughts after OP posted the update.

[deleted] wrote:

Should have just asked your mom that way they have somewhere safe to stay but also still get in trouble for going out and partying. I hope they weren't taken advantage of being drunk teens and all that.

OP responded:

They specifically told me not to ask my mom and to just leave a window open so they could climb in.

Beaglerules wrote:

You are better off without them. Also I do not think that the host would care if you were invited or not. Teenagers want as many girls at the party as possible. If for some reason the host said not to bring you then they should know better not to try to sleep at your house. That would just be using you.

phasestep wrote:

Hey, this is hard and they are being shitty friends to you. Everyone in this thread is telling you to write them off and move on, but I know that doesn't sound easy, especially for your friend that you've known since you were little. Just remember that at your age, you don't really know anyone, because people your age don't really know themselves for the most part.

They are changing and trying new things It be coming new people. My advice would be to take a big step back from the friendship because you're right, It isn't healthy and it isn't good for you right now.

If you wait too long and let problems pile up until unforgivable things happen then you'll never get the chance to salvage the friendship once she's older. If you drop down to being "Facebook friends" now then it will be a lot easier to reconnect at 25 if you two wind up being the kind of people who would be friends then.

OP responded:

It’s kind of difficult for me to just drop those friendships, one of those girls has been my best friend since kindergarten and the other girl is a very good friend of mine since 3 years. We go into the same class and face at least 3 more years together.

Me, those girls, and another friend have been a friend group since three years and when I just drop them I don’t have anymore friends at school. I sometimes have problems making friends.