'AITA for refusing to let my sister’s kids attend my wedding?' 'They destroyed my house.'
"AITA for refusing to let my sister’s kids attend my wedding after they destroyed my house?"
I’m (24, F) getting married to my fiancé (28, M) in a few months, and I’m in the middle of planning everything. I love my sister, Emily (30, F), and we’ve always been close despite our differences. She has three kids (ages 5, 7, and 10), and while I love them, I don’t see them often.
The problem is that the last time they visited my house, they left behind a trail of chaos that’s made me question whether I want them at my wedding. A few months ago, Emily and her kids came to visit for the weekend. I was excited to spend time with them, but as soon as they walked in, things went sideways.
They ran through my house, broke a vase, spilled juice on the carpet, and drew on my walls with crayon. I know kids can be messy, but this felt different. When Emily tried to help, the kids ignored her and were more interested in playing. The worst part was when my fiancé found one of the kids trying to climb on our dining table, which was a custom piece we saved up for.
When they left, my house was in shambles. It took me two days to clean everything up, and I was left feeling frustrated and overwhelmed. I brought it up to Emily, and she said, “Kids will be kids,” and that I shouldn’t be so hard on them. I understand kids can be energetic and curious, but it felt like my boundaries were crossed, and my home wasn’t respected.
Now, as I’m planning my wedding, Emily has asked if she and the kids can come. She told me that her kids are excited to see me get married and that they would be on their best behavior. I wanted to say yes, but I can’t forget how they treated my house.
I’ve been stressing about it, and I finally told her that I’m not comfortable having them at the wedding. I offered to let her come with her husband or a friend, but she’s upset and says I’m being unreasonable and unfair.
Some of my friends have said I should let it go and let them come. Others say I have every right to set boundaries for my big day. I’m not sure if I’m overreacting or if I’m justified in saying no. Am I the ahole for refusing to let my sister’s kids attend my wedding after the chaos they caused at my house?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
HMS_Slartibartfast said:
Drawing on walls isn't a normal "Kids will be kids" behavior, especially when they are visiting others. I'd say NTA and I'd make it clear to your sister that "Until you can tell me WHY they were drawing on my walls, they and you are not invited to any event I hold." That action shows something is going on that you really don't want to be a part of.
The_Bad_Agent said:
NTA. Your sister proved that she can't manage her kids in a private setting. A wedding? Hell no. Tell her that if she was a better parent, you'd have thought differently. The fact that she chose to have #2 and #3, even though she's incapable is asinine. She chose her life. These are her consequences.
Kngfsher1 said:
NTA. In the end, it’s your wedding, and you get to decide who does or doesn’t get to attend.
Turmeric_Ping said:
NTA. You're not being hard on the kids: they are simply suffering as a result of their mother's refusal to restrain their behavior in someone else's house. The fact that 'kid's will be kids' is why they need parents: to stop them, and to make them understand that what goes at home doesn't fly elsewhere.
You won't accept Emily's assurances that they will be on their best behavior because you know that her assurances are meaningless absent an active and involved parent who wants them to grow up into functioning, socially acceptable adults.
All she wants to do is give them an idyllic childhood without restraints, making life miserable for everyone around them. And then they will grow into dysfunctional adults and live miserable lives.
Naive_Meet5195 said:
You’re not the AH for setting boundaries, especially after the chaos caused by your sister’s kids. It’s your wedding, and you have every right to prioritize your peace and enjoyment on your big day. If you’re open to compromise, you could consider having a babysitter or supervised area for the kids. If not, communicate your decision kindly and firmly, it’s about protecting your day, not rejecting them.
United-Manner20 said:
NTA - it’s not “about kids will be kids”. It’s her lack of respect and parenting. It’s a HER issue. If she taught her kids how to behave when they are guests and how to treat others property, along with consequences, it would likely be much better.
You can’t allow your kids to act feral and then expect them to be included or invited to a calm, respectable event. You are in the right, her lack of action or consequence is the reason they won’t be invited.
Simple-Plankton4436 said:
NTA, your sister has failed as parent. This isn’t a “kids will be kids” situation. This is just bad parenting. Do not let them come. You will only have one wedding and you don’t want these kids to ruin it. Let the staff know that no kids are allowed at your wedding.