'AITA for refusing to make a cookie table for my son's wedding?' 'I am huge jerk.'
"AITA for refusing to make a cookie table for my son's wedding?"
My son is marrying Wendy and the wedding is this summer. She is not close to her own mother for multiple reason and is pushing hard to have me fill in the gap. I am not comfortable with it at all especially with how hard she is pushing. She has multiple times overstepped boundaries such as inviting herself along, discussing very personal issues, very touchy etc…
Due to these issues we are not close and my own daughters are not a huge fan of her. She asked me this week if I would make the cookie table for the wedding. It is something the bride's own mother would do with other female relatives.
This is the first time hearing about this tradition and I did some research. I would have to make over a thousand cookies from scratch to feed the wedding guests. I asked my daughters if they wanted to do it, and it was a strong no.
I informed her that I can not do it, it is way to much work and I don’t have the time. She told me okay and I thought that was it. My son called me up and told me I am a huge jerk. That Wendy has been crying about it and I should step up. I am still refusing to do it. AITA?
EDIT:
Did DIL tell me the number? Yes she stated 1000-1200. What about family helping? She isn’t close to her family so her side is out, my parents are in a home, I am an only child. My husband has a sister and I doubt she wants to help. Daughter don’t wish to, so it would basically be me.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
marilynmansonfckme said:
NTA. Over 1,000 cookies?!
Pupurin2012 said:
YTA. Good luck having a relationship with your son’s future children. You are rejecting his wife. This girl is extending an olive branch to you and you are just snapping it in two. You don’t like her. Your son does. Figure out if this is a hill you want to die on. I had a cookie table. We bought the cookies for the most part. This isn’t super complicated.
DomesticPlantLover said:
This is so not about the cookies. This is a personal attack on your soon to be DIL. You need to decided whether you can and will love you son's wife or whether you want to be set at odd to them (BOTH you SON and you DIL) as long as their marriage lasts--which could be months or the rest of your life.
You don't need to make cookies, but you need to not revel is the fact you can't help her have something that's important to her. YTA for making this personal.
CookMoist4494 said:
It's sad that people would use children to personally attack someone. Just because OP doesn't want to make cookies doesn't mean she shouldn't have a relationship with her grandchildren. However, if anyone wanted to blackmail me to get their way then that's just a relationship I don't need in my life.
anbaric26 said:
NAH, In this case it’s a lack of translation of this regional practice — to Wendy it’s really important and special and meaningful. To you and your daughters it’s a random thing you’ve never heard of that just sounds like work. So naturally she’s really hurt, but to you it seems like a silly thing and way too much to ask because the tradition holds no meaning to you.
I suggest having a conversation with her and your son to talk about this, to come to a place of mutually understanding each other’s perspectives. Maybe there’s something else you can do for her during the wedding that feels more doable for you and helps her feel appreciated and accepted by her soon-to-be husband’s family.
Think carefully about how you want to handle this. This one thing with their wedding could create a lifelong rift in your relationship to her and subsequently your son. If they have kids one day you could lose out on your relationship to your grandchildren. Your DIL wants to be closer to you, wants to involve you. If you trample on that now, during such a pivotal moment, you might lose that offer forever. Think about the bigger picture.
Weekly_Mycologist883 said:
YTA - If you and your daughters' intention was to let her know you dont like her and she will never be welcomed into your family, you have succeeded.