'AITA for refusing to make my mom return a 'first grandchild' baby blanket?'

"AITA for refusing to make my mom return a 'first grandchild' baby blanket?"

My husband and I are in our 30s. He has two preteen children from a previous relationship, and we are currently expecting a baby together. This situation started around Christmas when my gift arrived. My mom gave me a present, and she also bought a baby blanket I didn’t know about that said “first grandchild.”

When my husband saw it, he got upset and said my mom needed to take it back because she already has two grandchildren, his kids. I told him no. I explained that while his children are technically her grandchildren, she has never really had a grandmother-type relationship with them because she rarely sees them.

I have offered multiple times to take his kids with me when I visit her so they could spend time together, but their mom often made other plans with them instead. Because of that, my mom has barely seen them and has never had the chance to build a bond with them. My husband said that was my mom’s fault.

The argument escalated, and he accused me of dismissing his kids and said the blanket was disrespectful. I tried to explain that the blanket wasn’t meant to erase his children, it was simply my mom expressing excitement about her first time actively being involved as a grandmother. I also told him something that I think is being overlooked this is my first child.

While I love his kids and consider them part of my family, I did not experience pregnancy, birth, or raising them as baby. This is my first time being pregnant, my first baby, and my first experience becoming a mother in this way. That doesn’t take anything away from his children, but it also shouldn’t be erased.

In the same way, this is my mom’s first grandchild through me the first baby she’ll be present for from pregnancy onward. She has been involved, supportive, and excited in ways she never had the opportunity to be with his kids.

Asking her to take the blanket back feels like asking us to pretend this milestone doesn’t exist just to avoid hurt feelings that aren’t even coming from the kids themselves. The kids don’t know about the blanket and weren’t involved in the situation at all. The conflict is entirely between my husband and me.

Now there’s tension, and I feel like I’m being asked to minimize my experience as a first-time mom to accommodate his discomfort. So, AITA for refusing to make my mom return the blanket and for standing firm that this is still my first child?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Cool-Falcon5093 said:

I’m glad your husband loves his children so much that he’s willing to die on the world’s dumbest hill for them, but you are 100% right. This is your mom’s first whole grandchild just let her have this dumb blanket dude.

Pivot what’s sure to be increased visits with the First Time Grandmother into increased visits with her step-grandchildren too, it’s a win-win and something you can work on. NTA.

CreativeOtter914 said:

NTA. If he wants his kids to be considered your mother’s grandchildren then he needs to make sure they see her. If you’re trying to facilitate them spending time with her and he’s allowing their mom to undermine that then that’s not your mom’s fault.

That’s his fault. He also needs to realize this is your first pregnancy and baby. Yes, you love his kids but, you didn’t birth them.

Samwry said:

NTA. Your dude sound totes insecure. Presumably his kids already HAVE grandparents, from his side of the family as well as his ex-wife's. So, your parents will be a bit of a bonus set of grands, but not the primary ones.

Your mother is justifiably excited that one of her children is about to become a parent. Real parent. Your man needs to accept that instead of pretending that an insta-family is the same thing.

vabirder said:

Wow. Your husband is on his second marriage and thinks he can dictate to his current MIL who her first grandbaby is. He needs a reality check. Your mother never got to see her own daughter have a baby. Your mother has not been allowed to be involved in their lives. She hasn’t rejected them. This is disturbing.

ImpastaBrie said:

NTA. I can understand where he's coming from but your husband is nitpicking definitions and technicalities. I doubt his children would care as much as he does.

Consistent-Dog8537 said:

NTA. This is your mother's first grandchild. Your husbands kids aren't her grandchildren. Your husband is being a childish idiot. You are 100% correct.