'AITA for refusing to make Starbucks drinks for my family on Thanksgiving?'
"AITA for refusing to make Starbucks drinks for my family on Thanksgiving?"
AITA for refusing to make Starbucks drinks for my family on Thanksgiving? I (28F) worked at Starbucks for a little over two years, and ever since then, my family has loved asking me to recreate their favorite drinks at home.
I don’t mind doing it once in a while, but it’s not exactly my favorite thing—especially because I don’t have all the equipment or supplies that Starbucks has.
This Thanksgiving, my mom hosted dinner and invited a bunch of extended family. After we finished eating, she casually announced, “Okay, everyone, [my name] will be making Starbucks drinks for dessert!”
I was totally blindsided. Apparently, she had bought a bunch of syrups, whipped cream, and even a little espresso machine just for this.
When I said I didn’t really feel like making drinks for 15+ people, my mom got super annoyed and said, “It’s not that hard for you—you used to do this all the time at work!”
A few of my cousins started chiming in too, saying it would be fun and that they’d help. But I didn’t come to Thanksgiving to play barista for the whole family, so I stood my ground.
Now my mom is upset, saying I embarrassed her after she went out of her way to buy all the supplies. Some of my family thinks I was being selfish and that it wouldn’t have taken that long. But I just wanted to enjoy the holiday, not work for it. AITA?
TL;DR: Former Starbucks barista. Mom announced I’d make Starbucks-style drinks for 15+ people on Thanksgiving without asking me first. Refused because I wanted to relax, not work. Mom’s upset, family thinks I’m selfish. AITA?
Let's see what readers had to say:
forgen writes:
YTA. Did your mother buy and cook and feed you dinner? Did she ask you if you wanted dinner, or did she just assume?
Maybe she should have snatched the plate out of your hand and told you she was too tired to cook for you as she does it every other day and no one had asked her if she actually wanted to cook for you.
Oh and maybe, just maybe your mother would like to "NOT WORK" during the holiday. The level of disconnect is astounding. What an ungrateful, self centered person.
graoncinnamon writes:
Being a former barista myself, absolutely 100% NTA. For 15 drinks, with a little mini home espresso machine you would’ve been standing there “pulling shots” that are barely even a real shot for half an hour.
Don’t even get me started on trying to foam milk with a home machine. She easily could’ve asked ahead of time if you would be willing to whip up something like a pot of hot chocolate or another fun drink that can be batched instead of lining up that many different espresso drink orders that she might not even have bought the proper ingredients for.
Honestly, if your cousins want to learn to make coffee drinks, that could be fun if you have the opportunity to get all the ingredients together and plan it out so nobody’s in their holiday best trying to learn how to steam milk or whatever. This was just absurd.
mycology writes:
YTA! I'm super surprised by everyones comments here. How long would it have taken you, an hour? We have baristas in our family who make coffees for 15+ people at family gatherings (and multiple rounds, no less!) I feel bad that I've probably taken it for granted so many times - my cousins and sister really know their coffee!
I honestly think your mum put more time and labour into getting everything set up for you to contribute. I think she might have been really excited for you to do so in a way that would have bought people joy.
(And my guess is this wasn't the only thing she took on responsibility for and for those saying “she choose to do it”, I don't know where to start ffs) Show some hospitality and generosity!
Did you eat food people thought about, purchased, prepared and transported? And then after, did you clear everyone’s plates and say, “Stay out of the kitchen, you’ve all done enough, I've got the cleaning up!” I just can't with this post!
ploom writes:
You should tell your mom in the future, she needs to ASK you if you would be willing to make drinks for an event. She has no business putting you on the spot to guilt a “yes” out of you when she knows you’d rather not.
She literally bought a flotilla of espresso and coffee equipment and accoutrements to ensure that you’d be backed into the spot with no excuse. Did she even have a back up plan?
Your mom embarrassed herself. A good hostess asks if people would be willing to bring extra dishes, sling drinks, or bar back. If someone else was a carpenter, would she expect them to make a table? It’s legitimately rude to invite someone into your home with the expectation of being a guest and putting them on the spot while expecting them to perform.
That’s unacceptable and she SHOULD be embarrassed. What she did is embarrassing and I would be dead before I would ever ask something like that of a guest. That’s coming from some in their 30’s, even we know that’s not how things are done.
NTA at all, and I commend you on your bright, shiny spine! It sounds like your mom is used to getting her way and expected you to kowtow to her demands because it would make her life easier. She didn’t ask you for help, prepare you in any way, offer to compensate you….she literally just wanted to use you for your skills and assumed you would agree.
As we all know, when we make assumptions, it makes an assumption (edit: should say A$$ but I guess autocorrect got me) out of you and me. Sounds like mom got the good ol’ FAFO treatment, and didn’t enjoy it. She needs to eat some humble pie and lay off.
hgrounah writes:
Going against the grain here, but YTA. Had you actually told your family previously that you didn't like making them these drinks? "Not exactly my favourite thing" doesn't sound like the clearest communication.
If you have prepared drinks for others at previous family events, it's totally fair to assume you will do it this time too. You say you especially didn't like doing it without the right equipment, but your mum had tried to fix that by buying supplies.
Ok, so a little at home coffee machine isn't the same as a professional coffee shop one. But maybe your mum doesn't know that, and I can see why she might be upset and confused.
Additionally, your mum made full Thanksgiving dinner for over 15 people and you're moaning that you want to relax? I wouldn't dream of going to eat at someone's house without offering to help.
You're 28, you're not a kid anymore. You seem like a very ungrateful and lazy guest who just expects to be served without lifting a finger. Don't expect an invitation to Christmas dinner with that attitude.