'AITA for refusing to do my neighbour’s shopping after helping her once, even though she could order online?'

"AITA for refusing to do my neighbour’s shopping after helping her once, even though she could order online?"

A couple of weeks ago, my elderly neighbor (let’s call her Jean) knocked on my door and asked if I was “popping to Tesco anytime soon.” I was, so I said I didn’t mind grabbing her a few bits. She gave me a short list—milk, bread, Rich Tea biscuits, that sort of thing—and I dropped it off later that day. No drama. She gave me the money, I said it was no bother.

But then two days later she knocked again. Another list. Then again. And again. Now I’m getting shopping lists handed to me three times a week, with specific brands, odd requests, and once she even asked if I could swing by Boots to collect her prescription.

I finally told her, as politely as I could, that I can’t keep doing it. I work full time, I’ve got kids, and honestly, I’m shattered most days.

I also pointed out that she can order groceries online—Tesco, Sainsbury’s, even Iceland do deliveries—and there’s a pharmacy just down the road that offers free prescription delivery. She’s mobile enough to go into her garden and down the street, so it’s not like she’s housebound.

She got really cold and muttered something about how she “thought I was better than the rest of them.” Since then, a couple of neighbours have been a bit frosty, so I’m wondering if she’s had a moan. I do feel a bit guilty—but AITA for not wanting to be a full-time errand runner when there are perfectly reasonable alternatives?

The internet did not hold back one bit.

imfinewithastraw wrote:

NTA my mum did this for her neighbor when her husband passed. Then it became taking her to a medical appointment. Then emptying her bin, cleaning her windows. The list goes on.

The problem is she now relies on them, gets cross if they can’t do it and doesn’t have the proper external care she actually needs as she’s told the authorities she doesn’t need help! My mum is 80 and is somehow stuck doing jobs because she didn’t say no in the beginning and is too polite to walk away. It’s crazy!

Natural_Garbage7474 wrote:

NTA. She thought you were "better than the rest of them" because you put up with her nonsense for longer than anyone else did. The "rest of them" are all the other people she's annoyed.

Helping out occasionally, sure. Getting a few things for her when you're already doing your shop, great. Sending you on errands and expecting you to go out of your way just for her, then getting upset when you put a stop to it? Great way to lose all the help.

cassowary32 wrote:

NTA. Why pay for online delivery when you can guilt your neighbor into delivery for free? /s I'm sure those neighbors that seem frosty can put that same energy into running errands for your neighbor. If someone says something directly up you, ask when last they got her groceries. It's okay to set a boundary.

If you have a regular shopping schedule, you could let her lists pile up until you were going to the store anyway but I'm not sure I'd offer if a No results in rallying people against you.

Additional-Silver211 wrote:

NTA. You did a favor and it became a habit. If you are willing to take her list when you go occasionally, decide what you're willing to do and let her know. Such as if you can pick up items for her once every other week. But only if you are willing. Letting her know other options for getting her items delivered was nice of you. If other neighbors act cold to you - it may just be your imagination.

But ask them and be direct. "You seem to be upset with me - have I done something to offend you?" If they say the elderly neighbor is upset that you've stopped running to the store for her, tell the other neighbors they are welcome to shop for her, but you have limitations on your schedule.

ScarlettsLetters wrote:

NTA. The ones being frosty are the ones who were probably relieved to finally be free of feeling guilty for saying no to her requests. Your saying yes was their beacon of hope. If you’re feeling generous you could offer to let her know if you’re going out anyway, but ending making separate trips to places that deliver isn’t unreasonable.

Hikes_with_dogs wrote:

NTA. OP, I did this for my elderly neighbors during the initial part of covid before vaccines were available. But a couple things:

I offered, they never asked.

I had an N95 mask and they didn't (at the time) so there were valid reasons why they didn't want to go. In our area grocery delivery had also been suspended.

They were very grateful.

You neighbor seems like an old hag that doesn't want to pay for Instacart prices. You could try to be nice "Oh, sorry, I'm not heading to the store any time soon!" And just keep walking. But she'll probably just have the same response. You were nice once, now she's taking advantage of you.

raen138 wrote:

We were in a similar situation. Started off exactly the same and she got more and more demanding. She went in a massive huff when my mother had her hip replaced and literally couldn't drive. I was pretty firm in my boundaries from the off but would offer to pick up items for her but only if I was already going. This wasn't good enough. She no longer talks to us, or bothers us.

Annoyingly, her son lives the next estate over, and her grandson round the corner but she claimed she couldn't bother them for such trivial matters like shopping. But bothering us was fine (we work full time as well as being carers, and she would expect us to drop everything regardless the time of day).

Honestly, it's a f#$king relief I don't have to deal with her anymore. She used to bray so hard on the window I thought they would break. Sometimes she would stand in front of the window and stare in. Creepy af. She's done the same with at least 3 other neighbours.

mbw70 wrote:

I’ve tried to encourage my friends to learn to use the online shopping apps. They are reluctant. But at some point everyone has mobility issues, maybe temporary, maybe permanent.

Knowing how to set up an account and do your shopping takes some brainpower, and also the oldies need to overcome the fear of being ‘scammed.’ Your neighbor probably needs more help and refuses to admit it. She isn’t your responsibility. And those ‘frosty’ neighbors? Well, let them do her shopping for a while.

fourbigkids wrote:

We have been there. Our 94-year-old neighbour would call us 3-4 times a day. Wanting to be taken for a drive, wanting a coffee. He was lonely and very needy. Estranged from family. We managed to re unite him with some family.

He ended up with a live in caregiver and family to help him. Now when we have time to see him, it’s on our terms and we enjoy him so much more. OP NTA. We all habe our boundaries and people need to respect that.