'AITA for refusing to pay for my brother’s wedding?' He eloped without telling anyone.'

"AITA for refusing to pay for my brother’s wedding after he eloped without telling anyone?"

For years, my brother "Ethan" and I have been close, sharing many milestones and supporting each other through thick and thin. Recently, he announced that he was getting married, and while I was excited for him, I was also surprised to learn that he and his fiancée were planning a large, elaborate wedding that they expected our family to help fund.

My partner and I had budgeted for our own significant expenses this year, including home repairs and a long-overdue vacation. Despite this, we agreed to contribute a reasonable amount to Ethan’s wedding fund, which we communicated to him.

However, a few weeks later, Ethan called me with shocking news: he and his fiancée had eloped in a private ceremony and had no intention of having the big wedding they initially planned. Instead, they wanted us to help cover the costs of the elopement and the reception they were now planning to hold for extended family and friends.

Given that the elopement was a surprise and we had not been involved in any of the planning, we felt that it was unfair to expect us to cover the costs that were initially tied to a different type of event.

We expressed our feelings to Ethan and explained that, due to our own financial constraints, we would not be able to contribute as generously as we had originally intended. We suggested that he look for alternative ways to cover the expenses.

Ethan was disappointed and upset, arguing that family should support one another, especially during such important life events. He felt that our refusal to help financially was a sign of a lack of support and love.

This situation has caused a rift in our relationship, leaving me wondering if I made the right decision. So, AITA for refusing to pay for my brother’s wedding after he eloped without telling anyone and altered the plans we had already agreed to support?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

TopAd7154 said:

NTA. Ethan is being unreasonable. He's basically asking you to pay for having your feelings hurt.

RaddishSlaw said:

NTA. The wedding has been and gone. He essentially wants you to pay for a party, which you had not agreed to fund.

ScrantonDangler said:

NTA. You wouldn't be the AH for not paying for someone else's wedding no matter what the circumstances are. Is that a common practice where you're at?

CinnamonBlue said:

NTA. He didn’t need family support when he eloped. He managed that himself. Family to him seems to only extend to it being an ATM.

AaniahBaby said:

NTA. You're not wrong. You agreed to help with a big wedding, not an elopement and reception that you weren't involved in. It's reasonable to adjust your contribution when plans changed without your input. Family support is important, but you're not obligated to fund an event you didn't agree to. You communicated your limits, and it's okay to prioritize your own financial commitments.

SpecialModusOperandi said:

NTA. He eloped. If family was so important why wasn’t family invited to this important life event. You don’t need to bank roll a party. His disappointment isn’t your problem just like your disappointment isn’t his. It’s not like he’s showing any consideration to your feelings.