'AITA for refusing to pay for my friend’s wedding?' 'She changed the entire guest list.'
"AITA for refusing to pay for my friend’s wedding after she changed the entire guest list?"
I (32F) have been friends with *Lila* (31F) since high school. When she got engaged last year, I was thrilled for her and offered to contribute financially to her wedding as a gift, because I’ve had some good luck with my business recently and wanted to help.
The wedding was going to be a small event with close friends and family, and I was more than happy to cover some expenses—specifically, I offered to pay for the catering.
A few months ago, Lila started planning, and everything was going smoothly… until about two weeks ago. Suddenly, the small, intimate wedding turned into a massive event with over 150 guests, and I noticed that none of our mutual friends (including me) were on the guest list anymore.
Instead, it was filled with people I didn’t know, like distant relatives, work acquaintances, and some people she barely interacts with. When I asked her about this, she casually said, “Oh, we’re keeping it more formal now. I didn’t think you’d care since you already know how much I appreciate your offer. You’re still welcome to come to the after-party, though!”
I was stunned. I told her that if I wasn’t going to be a guest at the wedding, I didn’t feel comfortable paying for the catering anymore. She got very upset and accused me of being petty and selfish, saying that I shouldn’t offer help with conditions attached.
I tried explaining that it felt wrong to pay for something I wasn’t even going to be a part of, but she thinks I’m overreacting and making her wedding all about me. So, AITA for refusing to pay for the catering after she cut me from the guest list?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Twinkles_Star said:
NTA. You offered help for a small wedding, not a completely different event you're excluded from. It's reasonable to withdraw your offer if the situation has changed drastically.
Status_Reception1181 said:
This is insane. Of course NTA. I wonder what’s going on to cut all her friends out of her guest list.
Bonnm42 said:
NTA I never understand the people who think they can uninvite the people who are paying, then expect them to still pay...the entitlement!
Dangthatshuge said:
NTA! That "friend" has very strong entitlement. You owe her nothing. Then you got booted from the entire party. She stabbed you pretty hard in the back, friend.
EDJardin said:
NTA, you'd be justified with just the huge increase in attendees alone. It sounds like she's changed her wedding to be some flashy networking event and gift grab instead of an actual wedding ceremony and celebration with friends, and she's completely taking advantage of your generous offer. She's got nerve.
Patient_Gas_5245 said:
NTA. That's your friend for ditching her plans, removing you from the wedding not just as a bridesmaid but as a guest and still expected you to foot the bill.