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'AITA for refusing to pay for hair, makeup, and an AirBnB for my friend's destination wedding?' UPDATED

'AITA for refusing to pay for hair, makeup, and an AirBnB for my friend's destination wedding?' UPDATED

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"AITA for not wanting to pay for professional hair, makeup, new shoes, and stay in an expensive AirBnB for my friend's out of town wedding?"

Here's the original post:

Hi Yall! My (28f) friend (30f, let's call her B) is getting married to her long-distance bf (28m) of six months. For background, I live in a city about a 16h drive away from where B lives. However, the groom also lives in a different city from both myself and the bride (somewhere in between both of us). She will be getting married on her Groom's farm in a different state about 6 hours away from me.

A couple of days later, all hell breaks loose when B's first list of requirements emerge in the group chat:

1.) Makeup and hair must be professionally done and paid for by BM ($200 for both)

2.) We must purchase nude flats and we may not wear heels (around $30-50) as she is worried she and her groom will look shorter than us

3.) We must wear the jewelry of her choice (to be fair to her she said this would be a "borrowed" gift to us once she decides what "look" she is going for)

4.) Nails must be bear or in the mauve color she has selected for her dress

5.) The dress must be from the local boutique (16 hours drive or a 3-hour plane flight away from me and must be floor length with straps. IThe boutique doesn't ship, but my sister is picking it up trying it on and sending pics.

I texted her explaining I'm traveling for the wedding and I'm happy to pay the accommodation, airfare, and for the dress, but that if she was requiring professional makeup and specific non-heeled shoes that she should pay for the extra things she wants. I explained that I am happy to pay for the usual things, but that my budget wouldn't allow for professional hair and makeup, and new shoes.

She said she would speak to her groom about allowing me to stay on the farm property but that the makeup was non-negotiable. Fast forward again to today. B texts me and says she will have to renege on the offer she made to me to let me stay in the farmhouse on the night after the wedding.

She reserved an Air B n B in the city ($200 a night) for the wedding party, however, she says she will only be paying for the night PRIOR to the wedding. B tells me that she thinks I should stay in the Air b n B she booked since there is a two-night minimum and she would like the money back.

I politely declined and said I would try to find accommodations in the city for the night after the wedding since there are some reasonable places to stay. I asked if there would be anyone to transport me back to the city since no cabs or public transportation will go there. B says she will not arrange transportation for me unless I stay in the $200 Air B n B and pay her back for the cost of it.

She said I may bring a tent or I have to figure it out myself. I'm more than willing to pay for the dress, transportation etc. The cost of being in her wedding right now is $1,256 dollars including all travel expenses, dress, and "extras" she's asked for. AITA?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

said:

NTA. Are you absolutely sure even going is worth it?😅

said:

NTA. And all of this for a 6 month old relationship. Brides have some of the most extreme cases of delusion/entitlement I’ve ever seen.

said:

NTA. As someone planning a wedding myself I would NEVER demand my bridesmaids spend this much on something this SPECIFIC. She should be footing that bill. I wouldn’t bother going to a wedding where I’d have to spend $1300 JUST for the wedding.

said:

NTA. You can afford what you can afford and have been very upfront. Off topic but "long-distance fiance of 6 months" and "Groom's farm"... please let this be an example of people who met on farmersonly.com.

And said:

NTA. She’s going all bridezilla for a guy she’s known 6 months? Skip the wedding and take them out for their first anniversary (there won’t be one!).

Commenters agreed: NTA.

It would appear OP took this feedback to heart. A few days later, she shared this update:

Hi again, Since one user said they would summon an internet ghost to haunt me if I was a bridesmaid in this wedding, here's an unsolicited update. After taking a day or two to think it through, I texted my friend and explained to her the following (summarized):

- I think she's a great friend, and we have a lot of great memories together. I was excited to make a new one on her big day.

- That being said, I couldn't afford the expenses she required such as professional hair, makeup, specific shoes, and the chosen Air B n B. I explained that the $1200 it would cost to attend is over my budget, and I simply could not afford the things she is asking for.

- I don't want to put her in a position where she would be compromising on things she wanted to accommodate my budget, so the best thing for me to do was to bow out of being a BM right now so she can have ample time to find a replacement

- I also explained that I had some concerns with how I was going to get off the farm after the night of the wedding since she said she would only offer transport if I stayed in the shared $200 air BnB (she was unsure who else would be staying there).

I said I have to be in Court for a trial two days after the wedding, and while I'm usually very flexible, I couldn't leave that part to chance since my career is important to me.

B responded with the following (summarized):

- She has been very busy planning her move, doing report cards (she is a teacher ), and planning the wedding.

- She felt that since I am a lawyer I should be able to afford everything she is asking for (for reference, I am a very new government lawyer and have massive student debt).

-She deserves a bridesmaid who will meet her expectations and be able to support her.

I am not sure how to respond to her, or if I will, but I do think I dodged a bullet. Or at least a trip to crazy town. Thank you so much to all of you who convinced me to not attend this disaster. You have saved me $1200 and 6 months of horror.

Case closed!

Sources: Reddit
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