'AITA for refusing to pay more rent after getting a raise?' 'She confronted me IMMEDIATELY.'

"AITA for refusing to pay more rent after getting a raise my roommate found out about?"

I (28F) had a huge promotion at work recently. I was excited about my promotion but chose to keep it to myself because I tend to be private about money. I've been living with my roommate (29F) for over three years.

We pay 50/50 for our apartment, but she earns far less than I do at her nonprofit job. Last week, I accidentally left my laptop open and she saw my bank account, and my new balance. She confronted me immediately.

She was upset that I did not tell her about my promotion, and now wants me to pay 80% of the rent because I earn so much more than her. I told her that I do not. We agreed on a 50/50 split when we started living together, and I do not think my salary effects the 50/50 agreement. I also have student loan payments that she does not.

She brought it up again yesterday saying it is the right thing to do, and I am being selfish. I reminded her that I also buy the vast majority of groceries and also pay most of our utility bills without problems.

I don't think my financial success now obligates me to subsidize her housing. She chose her career path with the understanding of the salary limitations. AITA for not wanting to pay more rent now that I got a raise in my career?

Here's what people had to say to OP about this one:

Responsible-Start307 said:

NTA. You are roommates not spouses. If she gets use of 50% of the apartment then she should pay 50% of the costs for being in that apartment. If she can't afford the rent there then that is her problem to fix not her roommates.

She sounds emotionally immature expecting other people to make up for her deficiencies and give her a more comfortable life. If the roles were reversed what would your expectations be for her and her money? Reversing the roles can help you be fair to both yourself and her.

Also, caving in to toxic immaturity does not help. It enables people to be more immature and delays their healthy natural growth. If she refuses to grow up you might need to find a new roommate or new living situation. Good luck!

nefariousratking said:

Absolutely NTA and totally inappropriate for her to ask. You are flatmates, not life partners, and that kind of request is something that people in partnerships do for one another, for love, because they support one another.

You two are financially independent from each other. She is not your family. There is no reason you should have to pay for her to live. Really audacious, entitled, and spiteful that she would even ask. In what world would any flatmate ever say yes to that request?

sleepyHedgehog99 said:

NTA. She's your roommate, not your partner - 50/50 is the correct way to handle rent. Plus, you already contribute more in terms of groceries and utilities, so it would be an even more unfair split.

Phil_Oop_North said:

Absolutely NTA, no question about it. To be blunt, she's an AH for even asking. And I find it hard to imagine she just happened to notice your bank balance when passing your laptop, rather than noticing it was open and choosing to look.

I'd consider that a gross violation of my privacy and would find it impossible to ever trust the person again. It's really simple, the pay rise is yours singular not yours plural.

dragonetta123 said:

NTA. You have an agreement. I'd personally go, "I'd need to look at what I could afford if I moved out and lived by myself instead of having a room mate before I even start to consider changing our 50/50 agreement. Let me do some research." If they are that skint and you genuinely have a good living arrangement, they'll back down pretty quickly.

Secret_Double_9239 said:

NTA you are her roommate not her spouse you don’t owe her paying more just because you earn more. If she cannot afford to live there anymore without you paying more then she needs to move out.