'AITA for refusing to pay for my sister's wedding dress?' 'She made fun of my body.'
"AITA for refusing to pay for my sister's wedding dress after she made fun of my body?"
So, I (21F) have always had a bit of a rocky relationship with my older sister (26F). We’re pretty different in a lot of ways—she’s always been super into fashion and makeup, while I’m more laid-back and focus on school and work. Despite our differences, I thought we were at least civil, until recently.
My sister is getting married next year, and she’s been really excited about finding the perfect wedding dress. Since she’s trying to save money for other wedding costs, she asked if I’d help pay for her dress as a “sisterly gesture.” I recently got a decent-paying job and was willing to help her out, even though I thought it was a weird request.
Fast forward to a few weeks ago. We were at a family gathering, and I was wearing this dress I felt good in, but I’m not a size 2. Out of nowhere, my sister made a snarky comment in front of everyone about how “brave” I was for wearing something so “tight.” I was embarrassed, but I didn’t want to make a scene, so I let it slide.
Later that night, she made another comment, this time in private, about how she’d never wear something like that unless she lost weight. I got upset and told her that what she said really hurt my feelings, but she brushed it off, saying she was “just being honest.”
Now, I don’t feel like helping her out with the wedding dress anymore. I told her this, and she flipped out, calling me selfish and petty. She says I’m “ruining her big day” over a joke and that it’s not fair for me to back out when I already agreed to help. My parents are saying I should just let it go and help her since “that’s what sisters do,” but I feel like she crossed a line. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
CPSue said:
NTA. Why is a 21-year old paying for the wedding dress of a 26-year old? She’s had more time to get established and save up. “Jokes” at other peoples’ expense aren’t jokes. They are putdowns. If someone chooses to tear you down you owe them nothing.
The more she whines and gets family to gang up on you, the more you should hold your ground and get really stubborn about your boundaries. You buy or make her a lacy wedding gag to remind her that if she doesn’t have anything nice to say to people who are doing her a favor, she should probably stuff her mouth with the gag so she doesn’t burn bridges.
Competitive_Cod_3843 said:
NTA. You're just matching her energy. Why would you respond with kindness when she comes that you with judgmental, aggressive jokes? She is an adult, you are an adult, you don't owe her anything.
You have let her know that you will not be funding her dress in good time so she has plenty of time to recover and try to sucker someone else into helping her, or reducing her expectations. Jokes are meant to be funny. Not everything someone thinks is honest is actually true, and most of it does not need to be said.
calling_water said:
NTA. Why on earth should you be paying for her dress in the first place? You’re only 21. Having a good job means you finally have a good income to start setting yourself up to meet your needs. A 26yo older sister should be ashamed for needing her 21yo barely-ft-employed sister to pay for anything for her.
Being into fashion is often expensive and those expenses are fully hers to bear. And having managed to talk you into helping her out financially, the least she could do is leash her judgemental poison tongue. She’s the one not being a good sister here.
WarpedHumorIsTheBest said:
NTA. She says you’re “ruining her big day over a joke.” Respond in kind and tell her you’re “just being honest.”
DevilsAdvocate8008 said:
NTA. Don't buy her a dress. Don't give her a penny. You are going to be peer pressured by your family and your sister and guilt tripped but don't give in. She was literally bullying you and trying to make you feel bad about yourself. If she likes jokes so much you could always say that it was a joke for you to agree originally to pay for the dress so no hard feelings.
TheGoodJeans said:
NTA. Now, me personally, I wouldn't have let it slide the first time, that's a "hands on sight" remark in my family. You obviously have a better sense of decorum.