'AITA for refusing to 'play nice' with my parents after they replaced me?'
"AITA for refusing to 'play nice' with my parents (46M, 45F) after they replaced me (24F)?"
My wife and I (both 24F) moved several states away from our families three years ago. Since then, we've only visited them for the holidays. I've pretty much always had a passive relationship with my dad (46M), especially after my step-mom (45F) and step-sister (16F) were brought into the family.
I've tried to strike up text conversations with them every now and then, but it never seems like they care much. They started flat-out ignoring me after I told them about some changes in my life that they're not too happy with.
During our visit last Christmas, my wife and I were supposed to stay the night at my dad's house before leaving to visit my wife's family. I didn't know until we got there that my step-mom's nephew (18M) was staying in my old bedroom. It turns out, he was having some issues at home and asked to stay with my family for a few days.
A few days turned into a few months, and he had been living there rent free since. All of my pictures on the fridge had been replaced with pictures of him. During Christmas dinner, my parents talked on and on about how excited they were to visit him at college to watch him play football.
Now he's moved to a university that's about the same distance from my parents' house as my apartment is (about 800 miles) and they haven't visited me once since I moved here three years ago.
I couldn't care less about having a relationship with my parents moving forward, but my grandmother (67F) wants me to make amends with them for the sake of keeping the peace. I'm closer to my grandmother than almost anyone else in my family, so her feelings are important to me.
I explained to her that I tried for months to talk with my parents, but they never answered and they left all my messages on read. She's upset with their behaviors, but she wants me to be responsible for changing things. Unfortunately, I like to be the one holding the matches when a bridge is burned. AITA for going against my grandmother's wishes and standing my ground on this?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
ScarletNotThatOne said:
Maintain your relationship with your grandmother, who is actually interested in engaging with you. Don't bother with the people who don't answer when you reach out. NTA.
ACM915 said:
NTA - your grandmother would rather ignore the fact that she raised an AH and wants you to take the blame for it. NOPE, walk away from the whole mess. Drop the rope with your parents and find your own happiness and peace.
Jack_Stuart_M23said:
NTA. It's somewhat natural to focus more on the children that you are actually still raising and/or supporting over a grown adult, but this is beyond that. Grandma is an AH for putting the reconciling on you. Tell her you'll be open if she ever gets through to your parents, otherwise go your own way. Parents are AHs too. Sorry for your situation.
Spike-2021 said:
NTA. Relationships are a two-way street. I am assuming you didn't blow them all off and remove yourself from their lives first? Did they reach out to you when you first left, and did you not reciprocate? If they tried and gave up, it's on you to re-engage. If they just stopped communicating and you were trying but gave up, it's on them.
district0080 said:
NTA, not even a little bit. You made plenty of effort that wasn't reciprocated, and now your grandmother is asking you to solve your parents' transphobia. There is no way for you to resolve that for them, and it's unfair of her to suggest you can.
VideoGeek989 said:
NTA, if you've made an honest effort and got nothing back, it's no fault of yours.
Individual_Metal_983 said:
NTA. You have nothing to "make amends" for. They are not interested.
wishingforarainyday said:
NTA, but your parents certainly are. Tell your grandma you’ve done everything you can on your end. You can’t make ten change. I’m sorry they are garbage parents. You deserve better
bjorkenstocks said:
NTA. This is keeping the peace. Chasing them to try to force a relationship they don't seem to want is not "peace."
NTA. It’s always about keeping the peace and it’s always asked of the person getting f'd over. Screw the peace and live your life.