'AITA for refusing to put my future at risk for my girlfriend's mother?'
"AITA for refusing to put my future at risk for my girlfriend's mother?"
I (25 M) have been with my current girlfriend (24 F, we'll call her Jess) for a little under 3 years now. Her mother (50 F, we'll call her Sue) has been in a relationship with someone (69 M, we'll call him David) after Jess's father passed a few years ago.
Jess and her little sister (17 F, we'll call her Eve) have never liked David. About a year after Jess and I got together, Sue and David got married. Before the marriage, David seemed like someone who would just sit around the house all day, but would still go out every so often.
Afterwards, it got worse. Sue would have to beg David to take her places since she can't drive. All 5 of us live in a 4 bedroom together that I moved everyone into after Sue, Jess, Eve, and I decided that we no longer wanted to live in a big city back in 2023. Sue owns the house and pays the bills, I just got all the belongings to it.
Fast forward to this year and I'm working 2 jobs to try to make ends meet, one's driving school buses and the other is as a diesel mechanic. Jess is trying to get a job, but is having trouble considering her medical history. Eve is still in high school and Sue won't sign off for her to get a job. Neither Sue nor David work and both are on Food Stamps, but that's not the problem.
This morning, Sue asked Jess and I to pick up a bag of devil's lettuce from one of Jess's cousins for David, since we were already going to take Jess's aunt to the doctor and bring her food because she has heart problems, which Sue has asked us to do. Jess and I don't smoke and I refused since I already have an active speeding ticket and a concealed carry permit.
Needless to say, Sue lost it and started cussing Jess out while we were on our way to her aunt's house, demanding that I needed to leave because I "don't pay for anything." Meanwhile, on at least 5 separate occasions, I had to find a way to scrape some money together to be able to pay the bills because Sue didn't have enough money and David wouldn't give her any.
Jess is on my side because she knows that if I get arrested for possession, I can face termination from my school bus job. Jess has assured me multiple times that I made the right choice, but I'm second guessing myself since I don't want to be the reason Jess and Sue have a bad relationship. Am I really in the wrong, or is it in my head?
TL;DR: I refused to put my future at risk for my girlfriend's mother's husband, and my girlfriend's mother wanted me to move out because of it.
EDIT: I seem to have left out the part where Sue is on disability for the messed up tendon in her foot, dyslexia, and cancer.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
BigBigTree wrote:
INFO: How does Sue own the house and pay all the bills if she's unemployed? If you work two jobs, why are you only contributing to bills when Sue runs out of money, rather than regularly contributing for a fraction of the bills?
OP responded:
Because when I have offered to pay some of the bills for her, she refuses the money. But, I have started being smart and putting a little bit aside for when she does come begging for it.
blackmomba9 wrote:
NTA, but where is the money going from your jobs if Sue is paying all the bills except for when you need to scrape up money? It sounds like this isn’t going to be sustainable long term because even getting caught with that in your house can impact your job.
OP responded:
I'm not even sure where her money is going. My money is going towards payments on my truck and my insurance. I'm not making enough to justify living on my own with my girlfriend.
AngelaMoore44 wrote:
NTA for not doing something illegal. The A for insinuating that a 69 year old elderly person is lazy because they don't work, when you live for free in the house except for the few times the mom has asked for help with the bills. Hes 69, he should be retired and you should be paying rent. The problem is all the adults living there and not paying anything.
You said in a comment that all your money goes to your truck payment and insurance. You need to trade that truck in for something cheap and reasonable because clearly you are living above your means there if you work two jobs to pay those two bills. Guessing you dont have a great driving record either if your insurance is that high.
Your wife also needs a job and she needs to contribute to the home expenses or save money so you two can move out to your own home. You all moved in with her mother, to a home her mother owns, you dont pay rent, and then you complain when she asks for help occasionally to pay bills. Wow.
BlackGlencoco wrote:
NTA. Bro. You and your girl need to move out. Living with these people is jeopardizing your future by itself. Your girl's sister probably wont be able to join you until she is 18 and if you want her too. But your girl's Mom and Step Dad are leeches and they will drag you down. You have been warned.
kalixanthipipe wrote:
You need to be more detailed and informational jn your OP.
Tiny bits of pertinent information scattered throughout the comments is ridiculous:
You do not have a green card.
You do not pay regular rent or bills, just all of it goes to your truck insurance and loan from your earnings from two jobs
Sue is on SSDI
And so much more. NTA for not buying weed for someone else, period.
The rest of this mess is bizarre and ESH.