'AITA for refusing to redo my wedding?' 'My wife is very hung up about her big day being ruined.'
"AITA for refusing to redo my wedding?"
My wife and I got married August of 2015. So it’s nearly our 10 year wedding anniversary. She wants to “redo” the wedding or at least rent out a venue and redo the vows. I don’t want to primarily on cost (it’s going to cost at least 10k) and that I feel like doing a wedding over cheapens it.
She wants to redo it because her best friend had a miscarriage and had to go to the hospital during the ceremony. We had only booked the ceremony for 2h and they wouldn’t let us extend it. That derailed our plans and we ended up doing a very rushed one at the reception spot last min which wasn’t decorated as well.
She never put the pictures of the ceremony up and said she thought they didn’t look good. I think they are fine but she is very hung up about her big day being ruined. My wife thinks after 10 years of marriage I should be willing to spend the money to let her redo it.
I did warn her not everyone would be willing to come and she said it was fine, but even at a reduced guest count it’s going to cost a lot. We are looking to buy our first house so we have savings and nothing needs to be on credit but I’m not happy to be spending it on something we already did.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
StAlvis said:
NAH. But honestly, the time to do this was like nine years ago.
Longjumping-Plant617 said:
It's called a vow renewal. They're not unheard of in the slightest bit. You're NTA for not wanting to pay for an entire wedding but you can compromise. This isn't or at least shouldn't be an end all or be all. You don't want to spend 10k cool...
She wants a vow renewal also cool. Let her throw a party in this new house you want to buy and surprise her with a priest or whatever. It really doesn't have to be that hard.
kathryn_sedai said:
NTA, that’s an irresponsible amount to spend for something that already happened. But there are options here. Clearly your wife is brooding over a missed experience and it’s affecting her. You don’t need to do an entire new wedding, but what about a smaller bow renewal?
Find a venue like a park or something inexpensive, get her a nice dress, and renew your vows with some friends and family watching. Then cater a nice dinner. She wants a special experience but you can have that without ruining your plans for housing.
Charming_Usual6227 said:
YTA for not being willing to at least think about a middle ground. This is clearly something that has been bothering your wife and while $10k may be out of budget, there are plenty of ways to meet half way. It just doesn’t like you’re interested. Love sometimes means doing things to make your partner feel validated even if you don’t get it.
MidtownMoi said:
NTA But why not have a housewarming on the anniversary if you have bought a house by this August or hold off on the housewarming/anniversary combo party until August of the year you actually do buy. Maybe that could be your counter offer.
alv269 said:
NTA. There's no reason to spend 10k on a vow renewal. Find a pretty place near you (park, beach, etc), invite the people who really matter, hire a photographer and go out for dinner afterwards. An entire new wedding is rather ridiculous.