'AITA for refusing to rehome my cats because my baby daddy’s wife is 'deathly allergic'?'

"AITA for not rehoming my cats when my baby daddy’s new wife is 'deathly allergic'?"

I (24F) have recently got new cats. My daughter (6) has always wanted cats and she has an obsession with them and frequently says “all I want in this world are cats”. However baby daddy’s(25) new wife (25) is “deathly allergic” to cats and has been to the hospital once for it.

I have multiple friends with cats and my daughter is frequently around them and plays with them then goes over to baby daddy and wife’s house and there has never been a complaint of allergies.

I was told by wife that she would start taking allergy shots and would be good to go in around a months time. I found the PERFECT cat sibling pair from an adoption agency in my area (Adopt don’t shop<3) and with the info on it being about a month I had a friend agree to watch them in the transition period and would take caution in giving baths changing clothes etc.

if my daughter did see the cats. Well yesterday I let them know that she had come in contact with the cats briefly but she was bathed and put in freshly washed clothes that had not been in the same house as them. I was told to still take her over to her grandparents house for another rinse off and change of clothes just in case.

After dropping her off I received a call from baby daddy where he told me his wife could no longer get the shots since they just found out shes pregnant so he would like the cats rehomed or returned to the adoption agency. My biggest concern is for my daughter and I genuinely believe if the cats were taken from her permanently it would be traumatic for how long and how badly she’s wanted them.

Not to mention the resent in her it would cause towards the wife and new baby AND that’s just a horrible thing to do after giving a pet a new home after being rescues. Also I would be effectively blacklisted from all rescues and agencies if I were to do that and rightly so.

I ended up getting another call the day after saying they were in the ER for hours and spent a bunch of money for the visit and the cats need to be rehomed. But like I said before, my daughter has been around cats many times and gone over there and there’s never been an issue and I find it hard to believe after two baths and clothes changes that it truly caused such a bad reaction that the hospital is necessary.

It’s also important to note that the 3 of us have not always gotten along especially since the wife was my BFF for a while before I found out she got with him. we were on very bad terms for a very long time so I find it hard to give up something me and my daughter have been so excited and I’ve worked so hard to get to a place where we can get them only to be told we can’t because of their decision to have a new baby.

So they’re still asking the cats be given back or rehomed and making me feel like I’m the bad guy. AITA?

Edit: they were both aware for a long time the end plan was to get cats asap that’s why she was going to start the shots they were not blindsided by this plan and I told the wife when I got them and it was fine before they found out about the pregnancy.

Edit #2: this was NOT in retaliation or out of spite or anything in that way towards wife. We just moved to a place that can have cats we couldn’t at previous place and I have been wanting cats since before I even knew the dad in high school. I do not think about them when I’m not directly speaking to them so adopting cats was purely for the joy of me and my daughter not to cause problems.

And again they knew this was happening and there were no issues and cats were adopted and they were informed they were BEFORE finding out she was pregnant and the plan was fine then so it was not me trying to make life harder for wife.

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

Upbeat_Music6793 said:

Do not give up the cats. I feel a bath and a change of clothes and no transfer from house To house to house should be Fine. I just don’t understand can she not sit in a booth at a restaurant if someone before her has a cat and sat there even if the clean the booth?

Cool_Relative7359 said:

NTA. "I'm not living my life or setting up my household based on your wife's needs. That's yours to figure out. The cats are staying, that's not up for discussion or negotiation. Good luck finding a way to handle her allergy, because if it's that bad I'm not sure how she leaves the house with all the outdoor cats, and cat hair and dandruff on people who have cats in public.

Regardless, her health and her allergies are not my responsibility nor am I interested in changing how I live in my home, for someone I'm not even friends with. The cats will be staying."

Only_Music_2640 said:

That’s an absolutely ridiculous demand for an ex to make.

dessertshots said:

NTA, you informed them of your plan and NW should've done her due diligence beforehand ⸺either protection or if they were trying how did she not know pregnancy could interfere with taking the shot (which, honestly I don't think it does). But BD could use this as an excuse to see less and less of the daughter.

anneofred said:

My first thought was either both or new wife are trying to push this kid out now that new baby is in the way

OP responded:

So it’s actually the opposite. He’s now trying to get me to give up my time with her until they “figure out what to do” so they don’t want her to come over here at all until then so that she isn’t “re exposed” and sent back to the hospital after another switch off week.

I told them this is not going to happen as my time with my daughter is the most valuable to me and they’re mad that I won’t give her up. I’ve told them I’m willing to take her as long as needed until they figure it out but obviously that was not taken well.

Southern-Interest347 said:

You are much better person than me or just a soft touch. They have no right to dictate what goes in your home, just like you can't dictate what goes on in their home. I would put this under the category, not my problem!

OP responded:

I’ve been trying really hard to be nice about it to not rock the boat since I don’t want to deal with the coparenting when they’re mad at me or whatever but my patience really is wearing thin with how much it seems I’m supposed to just smile and nod especially when I’ve been super forgiving and accommodating about the past I feel it’s not fair to villainize me over this

style-addict asked:

Wait a damn minute…..so your baby daddy’s wife was your ex best friend? Were they having an affair when you were still with him? 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔

OP responded:

So we were never married we dated a LONG time and there is some speculation they might’ve been together when we were however they deny it but regardless the same day we broke up they were at her place together that night and she lied about it and they’ve been together ever since so shady as a friend no matter wether during or not

destiny_kane48 said:

If she needs an EpiPen then YTA for even considering getting a cat. If she just has a mildish allergy like my husband where she just need to take an allergy pill.. Then step mom is a drama queen who is trying to cause dissension between you and the ex.

Explain to ex "If I get rid of your daughter's desperately wanted pets I will tell her the truth as to why. And i'd also like you to explain how daughter has been around other cats in the past and your wife was fine."

OP responded:

So it wasn’t spiteful at all especially since they have known for a long time that this was the plan and were fully on board until they found out she was pregnant AFTER I informed them I’d adopted. Me and my daughter have both wanted cats for a very long time and are finally in a position where we can make it happen.

I didn’t do anything bc someone cheated or not I just added that context in there so that everyone got a bit of the dynamic and why I would be upset that I’m being asked to give up something we’ve been so excited and working hard towards. I didn’t get cats to be spiteful especially since everytime my daughter has gone over after being around cats there’s NEVER been an issue so I figured it’d be the same.

...thoughts?