'AITA for refusing to share details about my finances with my GF and her parents?' UPDATED

"AITA for refusing to share details about my finances with my girlfriend (22F) and her parents?"

I (23M) just got out of the Marine Corps and moved back in with my parents to go to school full-time using the GI Bill. My tuition, books, and living stipend are covered, and I’m also serving in the reserves.

I’ve always been disciplined with money — I save aggressively, invest, and live way below my means even though I have hobbies like riding my motorcycle and gaming. I’m good with money, and I have a solid plan for the future.

My girlfriend (22F) and I have been together since high school. She’s also living at home, pursuing a medical program, and working part-time as a restaurant host. She’s told me she’s been open about her finances — she has a car payment and insurance, and she spends a lot on self-care stuff (salon, nails, cosmetics, designer bags, etc.). She admits she doesn’t budget or plan much.

Lately, she and even her parents have been pressing me to talk about my financial situation. They’ve asked how much money I have saved, what I earn, how I invest, and even hinted that we should open joint accounts. My girlfriend recently told me that if I’m not “more open” about money, maybe we need to take a break.

That really threw me. We’re not married, not even living together. I don’t see how joint finances or total transparency makes sense at this stage. I was raised to believe you keep your finances private unless you’re married or building a life together, and even then, you don’t have to merge everything.

My parents think it’s bizarre that her folks are getting involved, and they’ve warned me not to share financial details this early. They’ve even said if we eventually marry, we should consider keeping separate accounts and maybe a prenup, especially since we have such different attitudes toward money.

So now I’m stuck wondering — AITA for keeping my financial details to myself? Is it actually that weird to want privacy about money while we’re still in school and living at home? Or are her concerns valid, and I’m being too guarded?

EDIT: To clarify, I care about her a lot and want the relationship to work. I’m just worried that if I start sharing financial details now, it sets a precedent I’m uncomfortable with — especially with how much influence her parents seem to have.

AITA for not sharing my finances and resisting the idea of joint financial planning while we’re both still students living at home?

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

pixyfire said:

NTA. She and her parents want her to be spending your money. It's none of her parents business. If she wants a "Break" over this, take one. Find a GF who's responsible with money and who has financial behavior that matches yours.

setbach72 said:

I would wonder why it’s so important to your girlfriend and her family to know your financial situation. She’s your girlfriend not your fiancé or wife so what difference is it to her right now? Don’t give out your information until you’re comfortable doing so.

PatentlyRidiculous said:

Your finances are absolutely none of her business right now. Get ready to get bombarded with requests for support once they find out you have reserves.

I don’t want to suggest breaking up with her because it sounds like you have been together for a long time and I will assume she has some great qualities. But the fact that she is irresponsible with money and has no blueprint for succeeding in life means she is relying on you as her get out of jail free card.

Her poor decisions and issues are about to become yours. She needs to address the underlying problem and fix it. I recommend doing Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University together as a couple. This will serve as a great indicator of how she will be in a marriage and also be a good litmus test as to if you are truly compatible.

This course is great because it is highly motivating and will get you on the same page financially. Or at least it will help unite you in your goals. For the love of God, do not join finances with this woman or share how much you have in savings. It’s none of her business. Or her parents. That’s a bigger red flag that they are getting involved.

Melodic-Skin9045 said:

NTA. She and her parents are hoping you will pay off some or all of her debt. Be very careful because she is not going to change about how she spends money. If you do stay together, make certain she is responsible for half of the bills. It is the only way you will be able to save like you have been. If you don't, she will put both of you in debt very quickly. Listen to your dad. He has very wise advice.

Retired military officer here. When you deploy, you likely will not be able to trust her with your money.

Cheeze79 said:

Run my guy. Run away from this one. She is irresponsible and you are not on the hook for her poor financial decisions. Let her be someone else's problem.

Comfort48 said:

You don’t live with her, marriage is not on the table yet and they want joint accounts. Ummmm no. Certainly talking about it is important. But they don’t need details on what’s in your bank account. Maybe she needs help learning what to do with her money. But you don’t just give her yours.

He later shared this update:

Wow I can't believe how much this blew up. First, thanks to everyone who commented, it was very helpful just seeing what the general thoughts of everyone were and I think it confirmed some of the basic thinking.

one note I have to add is that my son felt the description of the situation was a little one sided but that it is factually correct and I did slightly change one sentence to reflect that.

The update is that they had a discussion and she regretted threatening to end things over this and that they would proceed as is with a general picture of what his situation is and that they definitely will plan to share more info as things become more formal after one or both of them graduate.

When he suggested that he would want to also have better visibility into her side of things as far as debt and credit score, and student loan burden that's when she seemed to back off.

They didn't really resolve that both sets of parents might have been a little over-involved but there are cultural issues about that on both sides. There are some additional points of friction that are probably too personal to share here but we are really hoping for the best for them and with both extended families.

I like the idea of having a gift of like dave ramsey for them both when that happens and for sure they confirmed that while abstract now, they do plan to stay together for the foreseeable future. In the end, I don't think much changed but for now they seem to be all as before, so we'll see how things turn. Thanks again to all who replied, he was only able to read the top comments but I think it helped him a lot.