'AITA for refusing to share my inheritance and income with my husband?' UPDATED

"AITA for telling my husband my money is mine?"

My husband and I had triplets (all boys) about 2 yrs. after we got married. They had some health issues. Because of that my husband wanted me to quit my job and take care of our boys and our home. Since it was cheaper than paying for specialized child care. I agreed.

Our family lives in a row of town homes (6 homes in our building) that were owned by our landlord at the time. I was offered a job cleaning town homes when a tenant moved out by our landlord. I asked my husband about it. He said that he didn’t care but he didn’t want it to “interfere” with my responsibilities at home. We also agreed the money would be mine since it’s a second job.

We did this for 3 yrs. it grew into where I cleaned other places for my landlord. I just put the money into savings. My Father in-law died June of 2019. When My husband received a check from his mom I asked my husband about it. He got angry and said that it his money and any future inheritance would not be part of our family budget. My husband ended up going on several trips with his brothers with the money.

I was ok with that. Although I was hurt he got angry when I asked about it. October 2021 my grandpa died. I am the only grandchild. My parents make good money so his estate was left to me. I just transferred the money. Rented out the farm land around his home. I did decide to keep his home since it is close to my parents home. I live 4 hrs away from them.

I didn’t talk to my husband about it since it was my inheritance. January of this year my landlord came to me and let me know he was selling the townhomes I live in. With cost rising around us I was worried about it. It would cause a major impact in our family budget. Things worked out to where I was able to use my inheritance combined with what I had saved from working to buy the building.

My husband came to me and told me he wants me to deposit part of the rental income from the other town homes into our family account. Allowing more spending money for fun. I reminded him of our agreements. Along with we no longer have a rent payment. We ended up in a fight. He is saying I am being the A for not sharing the money coming in.

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

Tonya-burner saidd:

NTA. He can’t have it both ways (or all three ways ((triplet joke?)). The fact that he would go on multiple trips without you is just such an AH move. Does he do anything nice for you or even worry about caregiver burnout?

Who_apostrophe_sWho said:

INFO: Did you buy the building (with 6 townhomes) and you're now the landlady, or you bought your townhome and have no rental payments? Did your husband spend his inheritance on trips, instead of healthcare for the triplets, or a family holiday? Did he spend any of it on you, your kids or savings?

"Spending money for fun" - what fun is he talking about here, has he contributed to fun times, or only wants that from your money?

OP responded:

Yes I bought the building all 6 town homes. I created a LLC and opened a checking account under the LLC. Why I think my husband is having a hard time. When my father in law passed away. I was driving a compact car. One I owned before we got married. Fitting the kids car seats was very difficult. In the back seat. So when I saw his mom give him the money I asked about it.

All of the money he received was spent on trips with his siblings. None of it went to our family. He burned through it fast. He was gone a lot leaving me alone for days. I think he needed a break from it all.... Having the triplets we had to make hard core decisions. Before he received this money we both made major sacrifices. Cutting all our hobbies, trips, cable so on....

We went bare basics just to cover the kids medical expenses. He struggled with cutting back so much. I struggled worrying about how to come up with all the co-pays for our kids medical expenses. I wanted to have the money in savings for my peace of mind. even though I could have had “fun” with the money i earned I didn’t. I wanted that safety net.

And bizianka said:

NTA. And I hope you are the only one on a title.

UPDATE:

Life has been interesting. I had a blast on my trip. My husband was pushed into the deep end of parenting. 3 active babies combined with medical care. He was way over his head. When I came home his mom, my aunt, and my husband were all there. His mom complains all the time about what kinds of foods I give the boys to what they wear. MIL decided while I was gone she was going to do it “right”.

There was a lot I came home to but I will just share 1 thing of each of the boys..... Baby #1. Is type 1 diabetic. I am very careful with his diet. I went to a nutritionist. Together we Set a meal plan for him. Aka the foods my mother in law complains about. My husband and MIL had a hard time keeping his blood sugars in check. When I got home my MIL was on the verge of tears.

Because she had to keep poking him. Baby #1 didn’t like it. Now when MIL try’s to come near him he just starts crying. Baby #2 wears hearing aids. They cost $5,000 and needs to be changed every 6months or so As he grows. The other 2 babies are fascinated by them. One is now missing. Baby #3 has heart problems. My husband said every time he went to lay him down the oxygen monitor would go off.

The thing is Husband didn’t figure out was baby #3 hates anything on his face. So you have to rock him to sleep then carefully put the oxygen on his nose. My aunt said that my husband called her the first night around midnight. His mom was already there. When I came home both my husband and his mom apologized to me. The past couple of days I have spent doing laundry and getting things back in order.

But I had a really good time. Thank you all for you advice. Update #1 I am putting it here. My husband and I had a long talk when he came home. He knows I am leaving on a trip and asked to go. I told him I needed time. I showed him the comments on this thread. He said he would do whatever I wanted. he volunteered to sign a Postnuptial. Before I even asked him.

He just doesn’t want a divorce. He was shocked with how many people recommended that here. My BFF’s husband is a lawyer he said he can draw up the paperwork tonight. We will Sign tomorrow. I will update you after my trip. How it all goes.

I also decided once he signs the prenuptial on my inheritance. then I will ask him about putting my work income in our family budget. He can help when he is off work with the house and kids as a possible compromise. Allowing him to have some spending money and giving me a break.