'AITA for refusing to sign a legal agreement from my wife's employer?' 'It's just how the industry works.' UPDATED

"AITA for not wanting to sign something from my wife's employer without speaking to a lawyer?"

For a few years, my wife has been working hard to make a go of being a V-Tuber streamer. She had her own little character, got a bit of a following, and ended up getting another character to stream as with a talent agency that specializes in that (I'm only vaguely familiar with this, I know there are massive agencies.

I don't think hers is a very popular or big agency although it does have a large following online). So far it's been going really well! She's been able to make it her full time job, and seems really happy with everything - I am too, and am immensely proud of her knowing the level of dedication she's put into it.

About a month ago, I got a weird email from someone claiming to be with this talent agency. I didn't even notice it at first, it went to my spam box, was worded weirdly and something seemed off about it, so I didn't pay any mind to it.

I figured it was spam because I'm subscribed to my wife everywhere possible and the talent agency. However, I then got another one and another one asking me to respond as soon as I can.

The tl;dr of the email is they want me to sign a legal agreement that says a) I won't represent myself as [wife's V-Tuber character] or [wife's actual legal name] romantic partner in any online or "in-person event" capacity and b) in the event we were to split up, I would be forbidden from revealing any information regarding a breakup or divorce to "protect her anonymity and identity."

I read through the legal agreement and it appears to have been done up by an actual lawyer and everything. It was, frankly, dumbfounded. As I mentioned, I'm only vaguely familiar with the world of V-Tubers and anime streamers...

So I understand how the majority of V-Tubers keep their identities hidden, and that there is an element of purity in this sort of "idol" stuff that would cause fans to be disillusioned (which honestly seems so stupid). That said, I know some comments on streams/videos have connected her new character to her old one.

She never hid her identity on her old one but never went out of her way to show it. What I'm trying to say is if someone did a handful of Google searches, finding who my wife is (or at least looks like) isn't exactly an impossibility.

When I got home from work, I brought it up to my wife. I could tell she knew it was coming and was being avoidant of talking about it. I asked if she had some concern that I was going to go online and put her privacy at risk, but she said it was "just how this industry works."

I remembered a time a couple weeks ago I posted a few photos of us on Twitter (where I have less than 100 followers), and she seemed kind of panicky asking me to take them down because she didn't like how she looked.

Or how she kept loudly mentioning or randomly interjecting about reading how locking accounts or making them super private was really good for security (she had locked/deleted some of her personal accounts at this time too). Long story short, she just told me to sign it and that it was more of a formality to make her employment smoother.

The thing is, this is a legal agreement. It's been drafted up by - as far as I can tell - a legitimate law office that represents this talent agency. There are other clauses in this agreement that I won't get into but are frankly as ridiculous as the two I mentioned.

I admitted I would be happy to help her if it would make things easier, but I wanted to speak to a lawyer first before signing anything just to be safe. We argued about it a bit and I think she saw where I was coming from when I asked why I was the only one who had to sign anything; what about friends, family, past employers, teachers, ex-bfs etc.

She kind of huffed about it but said I could see a lawyer but to book it fast because she didn't want it to be some big delay. She was quite cold with me for the next few days. For example: I faked sick to stay home one day to make us dinner because her streaming time overlaps with when I'm home so we haven't had many meals together since she started.

I told her it was ready and she just asked me to put it in the fridge because she had to prep for a collaboration stream. She's also sent me a couple texts as she's streaming reminding me to be quiet or suggesting I go hang out with friends or something until she's done.

I got a little fed up with the treatment and finally asked if she was being pissy with me because I didn't sign it, and she said "What do you think? Yes, obviously." I asked her what she would do if my job legally demanded she put down in writing what her job is asking of me. She said "I would sign it. I wouldn't stand in the way of your dreams."

I asked if she genuinely thought I was standing in the way of her dreams. That really hurt to hear considering the amount of love and time I've given her towards this, the encouragement, the hours I've spent reassuring her she's talented and does a good job, and frankly the thousands upon thousands of dollars I've helped her for equipment, commissioning artists, etc.

She rolled her eyes and huffed so I asked again, and she shouted "if you don't sign it, then yes, because they're already being weird with me and passing me over for certain opportunities and I know it's because you haven't signed it yet."

I have a meeting with a lawyer next week to go over it but I am getting pretty guilt-tripped by her and her parents for not blindly signing it. Our friend group is split down the middle, but the general consensus is it would just be easier to sign it to make her happy.

I don't think it's unreasonable to want to consult a legal professional over a legal document, but maybe I'm not that good of a husband after all. So, AITA here for wanting to consult with a lawyer over this?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Resident_Warthog4711 said:

NTA. The fact that she knew about it but didn't sit down and talk to you first indicates that she isn't to be trusted in this matter. You need your own lawyer. She should have her own lawyer as well, not just trust someone who works for her agency.

Turmeric_Ping said:

NTA. Never sign a legal document without getting legal advice. Never, never, never. Even if you think you understand the plain meaning of each clause you don't have the training to grasp the full legal ramifications, a lawyer does. This is a life time commitment: it contains clauses relating to how you can act even after a divorce.

I'm concerned that your wife didn't raise this with you in advance: I think you're looking at her with rose-coloured spectacles, which is understandable. If she knew this was something that the agency wanted you to sign, she should have given it to you herself, and given you time to get it checked. Instead she's rushing you to sign it right now, like a used car salesman saying the price is only good for 10 minutes.

Seriously, if you didn't get a lawyer to read this for you, you'd be an idiot. And be mentally prepared to push back on elements of it: there may be parts of it that are simply unacceptable.

Technical_Lawbster said:

NTA. Go to a specialist. And you should put a condition: a post nup. One that she has to repay, with interest, all the money you invested in her career in case of divorce, on top of equity for any and all propriety (including online, pending contracts and llcs) and alimony.

Since she's so concerned with the impact you have on her online presence, then you're more than welcome to be concerned about your future. And, just as an aside...is this marriage worth it? It doesn't seem to be a good relationship.

She's giving you some passive-aggressive silent treatment, no time for anything couple related, no communication... she's more focused on her followers than you. And it will not change. Especially if you're legally bound to be forever hidden.

CatJarmansPants said:

NTA. The more desperate other people are for you to sign something without talking to a lawyer first, the more you need to talk to a lawyer first. Your wife is being a massive AH by pressuring you to do something that could cause you a massive problem later on.

You're being asked (coerced?) to give legally binding, indefinite undertakings for no recompense, with unspecified (unlimited?) damages and legal costs being raised against you. That would be a big, fat "no" from me...

shammy_dammy said:

NTA. Time to cover your butt legally. Interesting that everyone is soooooo determined that

pixie-ann said:

NTA the whole thing sounds incredibly dodgy and designed to benefit your wife/her agency and to disadvantage you. Even after legal review I would be extremely cautious about signing it. Is your wife even breaking even with her streaming?

You say you have spent thousand on her business. Has she paid that back? Will she pay that back? Is she paying 50% of your living costs?

UPDATE:

To answer a lot of people: yes, I saw a lawyer. It was an interesting meeting. The lawyer read through the whole thing with a smirk and said "the only benefit of signing this would be keeping your wife happy. I wouldn't personally sign it, but if you do, and it comes to it, please let me represent you because this is hilarious."

She said there's no way it would hold up in a court, especially because if the law firm who represents them decides to sue me for breaching it, they'll have to reveal my wife's identity in court documents that will most likely be public anyway.

Instead, she contacted them on my behalf seeking clarification on what happens if any part of the agreement is broken, as it's not stipulated, and if I'm to sign the agreement, what sort of compensation I would received. I didn't sign it in the end, but have told my wife once the lawyer hears back, and they recommend it, I would.

As of writing this post, they haven't responded, and frankly, it hasn't seemingly affected my wife's v-tubing career. Things with my wife are still pretty rocky. To address a couple comments: she does actually earn quite well off streaming (donations, subs, etc) - slightly less than she was making at her previous job but enough to still contribute to the household and live comfortably.

That said, she won't speak to me about it anymore though. She's fine otherwise, but if I ask her how things are, I'll get a brush off, a "fine" or occasionally "you don't care, you don't have to keep asking." I'm still rooting for her, and she's still growing every time I check her channels or social medias.

She's doing streaming events, and collaborations with other V-tubers. She seems happy with it all, and that's enough for me. I know her last job was soul crushing, and she's worked really hard. If she wants to be cold with me about it, that's her call. I'm just happy she's doing something she loves.

Here's what top commenters had to say about the update:

Illustrious-Cat-2645 said:

Your wife is being childish, does she always act this way if she doesn't get her way? I recommend counselling for both of you, because you think you are good now but such things build resentment and one day you would wake up asking yourself why you are still with her.

Hoplite68 said:

An interesting update, but also a very sad one. You support your wife and she sees your relationship as a burden, a thing to be hidden. She's acted manipulative and is now pretending nothing happened, but also not addressing anything.

PurpleCauliflower2 said:

“She seems fine otherwise." Nope. She isn’t fine otherwise. Just because she isn’t actively fighting with you doesn’t mean she’s fine. She mad and becoming resentful because she feels you are standing in the way of “her dreams."

I personally think that contract is ridiculous and you shouldn’t sign and she needs to respect your choice to not just like you respected her choice to do this in the first place. If you two don’t figure this out soon then this relationship could end. Agree with another commenter who said to collaborate with a relationship counselor.

pbjWilks said:

Sir, there's a big problem here aside from the draft. It sounds like she's already getting comfortable putting your marriage to the side. I think you need to have a separate conversation if this attitude shift continues.

There's no reason for her to be cold to you, or shutting you out for trying to be aware of what she's setting you up for. Her dream should not come at the expense of your marriage. Stay aware, be careful, and good luck.

gus442 said:

"You don't care, you don't have to keep asking" Really?? Mate, you're second to a load of randoms in your own marriage. I suggest you get your ducks in a row and prepare to be served divorce papers. You need to have a serious talk with your wife, and if she won't, expect the worst. From this and your previous post it sounds like she's checked out of this relationship.

Nausicaalotus said:

Fine with the legal situation, but you need to sit down with your wife and find out if she wants to stay married, because her attitude isn't great and you don't deserve it.