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'WIBTA if I didn’t go to my sons wedding that I was reinvited too?' Updated 3X

'WIBTA if I didn’t go to my sons wedding that I was reinvited too?' Updated 3X


"WIBTA if I didn’t go to my sons wedding that I was reinvited too?"


I will try to be as clear as possible and if you have any questions please use an INFO. Also on phone. This is about my son Ryan, when Ryan was a senior in college he informed me one of his one night stands told him she was pregnant.

I informed him that he should get a DNA test to be sure that he is the father. So he did that and when he the result came back he started to date her since he was the father.

The women, Shelly, has never liked me. The first time I met her she made a comment about how I must think so little of her to convince Ryan to get a DNA test. The relationship started on a horrible note.

Shelly integrated into the family and our relationship didn’t warm up. Overall I just avoided her for the most part. I was civil at events but we were not buddies. They got in engaged about a two years ago.

Around last Halloween Shelly was telling the family I was saying horrible things about her. I wasn’t. It was my word against her and my son gave me an ultimatum. That I apologize or I won’t be invited to the wedding.

I refused to apologize for something I didn’t do, so I was uninvited to their wedding. At Christmas she told the family that if I was invited then they will not go. Big drama and the family split the festivities into two days. My sister and husband have been on my side for all of this.

The wedding is in two weeks. I received a call from Ryan last night. It boiled down to that Shelly admitted to lying to him. That she saw how sad he was that I wouldn’t be at the wedding and told him the truth. He reinvited me to the wedding and I told him I am unsure and will think about it.

I don’t want to go to the wedding for a few reason. I don’t support the wedding, I don’t wish to be around my future DIL, I am very mad that she did this in the first place, my reputation in the family has been affected by her lies and finally she hasn’t apologized.

The truth is getting around the rest of the family and opinions are split. Some think I would be a jerk for not going and others think I am justified in not going. Also I am unsure if I want a relationship with Ryan if he is with Shelly.


All the family know she lied, my son cleared that up with everyone so my reputation is clear in that.

Update 1:

I have decided to not go. I don’t believe it will be good for me and I will explain to Ryan why I am choosing this. I also don’t think a wedding is the time to reconcile.

I also will explain that receiving no apology form either of them factor into my decision. Even if I got one now I still will not go since I know it is forced. He is an adult, he will need to take the first steps to fix this not me.


For anyone that was asking my husband already didn’t plan to go. His siblings will make their own choices and his aunt isn’t going. I don’t know about the rest of the family.

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:


In my opinion, I do not think you should go to the wedding until you get a proper apology from Shelly. She does not get to tell lies about you and then skate off scot free. SHE OWES YOU AN APOLOGY.

Let your son know this requirement as soon as possible. And make sure you get a proper apology, not a fake apology (e.g., "I am sorry you felt that way about what I said"). NTA.

The OP responded here:


I am not going to demand an apology in order for me to come for two reason. If I demand it then it probably will not be genuine and I want her to do it one her own violation. Apologize aren’t worth anything if they are doing it for the wrong reasons. She is also a grown ass adult and should know that when you wrong someone you need to apologize. Not hide behind Ryan.


Your reply to me is even better. I commend you.


"Son I want you to think about exactly who you're marrying. She lied about your mother, demanded an apology, affected your mental health, and now hasn't even had the decency to call the family or me to tell the truth and apologize.

She did all that because I wanted you to know those children were yours when you had no relationship with her to cement trust. If you want me there I want an apology at minimum."

Honestly the divorce is around the corner sad but true this is going to fester like a rotten boil in his mind unless he really is that callous of a person.


Shelly and OP have not gotten along for a while. Shelly lied and there was an estrangement of OP from her son, that split the family. A wedding is NOT a place for a reconciliation. If Ryan wants to reconcile with his mom, he and Shelly need to start talking to OP on neutral ground, and take it very slowly.

OP was hurt. She was defamed by Shelly and deserves an apology, but Shelly should also apologize to the family for speaking these lies. OP, tell your son, that the wedding in not the place for a reconciliation. And if he wants one, after learning about Shelly's behavior, other things have to happen. NTA.

P S: You were right in asking for the paternity test. I would counsel any male who had a one night stand with a women and then found our of a pregnancy, to do the same.

So, if you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them? Do you think she is in the wrong here?

Sources: Reddit
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