'AITA for refusing to split the bill for a Mother's Day dinner?' 'She has a 6-figure job.'
"AITA for refusing to split the bill for a Mother's Day dinner?"
My mother texted my oldest sister and I that we will be going to a restaurant on Friday (yesterday). I agreed and made sure to free up my evening. Come Friday, we were 11 persons (2 families) at the table, including my grandma, aunt, uncle and cousins.
Near the end of the dinner, my sister stood up and went away somewhere. When she came back, she had a receipt in her hand, so my mom asked if that's the bill she was holding. My sister announced that she went to pay and that me and her were treating the table today for Mother's day.
I was shocked because we never discussed that. She handed me the bill and asked me to e-transfer her half of the total ($350/2 = $175). Back in our place, I told my sister that I couldn't afford that with all the bills and that I did not agreed to split the bill beforehand. She then proceeded to say that I'm ungrateful for our mom and that as the older children in the group, we need to foot the bill.
For more context, since the end of last year, I no longer live with my parents. I am in my 20s and currently live with my oldest sister, mainly because she wanted to move out and couldn't afford paying the mortgage/bills by herself, so my parents made me move out with her. (At the time, I didn't realize how expensive that will be.)
My sister has now a 6-figure job and I have a waaay lower income, and basically living paycheck by paycheck. That is no excuse for me not to pay, but wanted to point out our different financial realities. I haven't paid her yet, but AITA for not wanting to split the bill?
Here's what people had to say about this one:
Gemzanity said:
NTA and don't pay it. This wasn't something you agreed too so therefore you shouldn't have to pay that much. It's not that you don't appreciate your mum you just simply cannot afford that much at the moment. I would be livid if one of my children tried to do this to their siblings.
dogs4life444 said:
NTA pay for yourself and half of your moms if you want to but you never agreed and she doesn’t get to decide what you do with your money.
Wild_Ticket1413 said:
NTA. If your sister wanted the two of you to treat the rest of the family to dinner, she should have asked you about it before she invited anyone. It's rude and presumptuous of her to spring that on you at the last minute.
You never agreed to pay for anyone else's meal. You went to dinner under the (logical) assumption that you would be paying for you own food and that's it.
diminishingpatience said:
NTA. Absolutely not. It's not for your sister to decide. This isn't just about paying for your mother: why on earth does she imagine that you'd want to pay for all those other people?
Tazno209 said:
NTA! Do not pay half! I would say to her, I will pay for my meal, and mom‘s meal. That’s it. You made an assumption that I am as financially stable and secure as you are. I am not, and that fact should be plainly obvious to you.
In addition, even if I was making the kind of money that you make, it would be extremely rude of you to unanimously decide that me, or anyone else, would be paying the bill with you. If you want to look like the generous giver, that’s great. But don’t expect me or anybody else to go along with you blindly. End of discussion.
llorensm said:
NTA, that should have been discussed with you in advance. But if you don’t mind giving a general geographical location, I’m really curious to know where dinner for 11 people is only $350! I guess nobody had drinks? Is that including gratuity?