'AITA for refusing to split the dinner bill because my dish was half the price of the others?'
"AITA for refusing to split the dinner bill because my dish was half the price of the others?"
Last week I went to dinner with work colleagues. The agreement was for everyone to order what they wanted. I ordered a more standard dish and a drink, which came to about $32. Most ordered appetizers, expensive dishes, desserts and various drinks, and the bill for the table came to more than $400.
When the waiter brought the bill, someone suggested splitting it equally. I said I didn't think it was fair, since I had spent less than half of what they had spent. I explained politely, but the atmosphere became strange. Some colleagues said that “the fun is in sharing” and that I was being cheap.
I ended up only paying for what I consumed and left a good tip, but since then I feel like some people are avoiding me at the office. One of them even commented that I “ruined the night” and that “adults know how to split the bill without complaining."
I was really uncomfortable paying almost double what I spent. But now I'm wondering: AITA for not wanting to split the bill equally?
The internet had lots to say in response.
redditmaddesignup wrote:
“You’re being cheap”
Urgh, that old chestnut again. “I don’t think you understand what cheap means. Being cheap means not being able to pay for what you’ve ordered, but expecting others to subsidize your bill.”
hoshinoanzu wrote:
People really do that? I will never understand that culture of splitting the bill equally when everyone ordered their own meals. If it was family style I would have understood though. I never experienced that though. When we order our own meals we each pay for what we ordered unless someone’s offered to treat everyone or whatever. NTA.
individual_table5786 wrote:
ESH. I make the mistake all the time, but how you split the bill should be discussed beforehand. I HATE the splitting the bill equally with passion. If I want to eat something expensive I don't want others to pay for it, and if I want to save money I don't want to pay for others. Basically, I want more control on what I am spending.
But I often forget to discuss it beforehand and my friend group often wants to split the deal equally. My mistake for not discussing it beforehand. And I just accept it. Better next time (I hope...)
1000thatbeyotch wrote:
NTA. The whole reason they wanted to split the bill evenly was so they could get part of their meal for free. You paid for what you ate and the tip for your portion. If they didn’t want to pay their full amount, then they should have ordered less.
Fluid_bicycle_2388 wrote:
I feel like I'm going to be in the minority here but to me, yes, light YTA. There is a certain group dynamic to these events and working with colleagues and sometimes you end up paying more than you consumed for the sake of being collegial. At that particular moment you would be inconveniencing everybody to save a little bit.
Bottom line it's about priorities - being collegial or saving a bit of cash. Unless this is a regular occurrence, I wouldn't ask to pay separately.
ChuckoftheIrish wrote:
Ironic they consider you cheap yet wanted you to pay for their food. There are lots of people like this and they ordered extra seeing it as discounted via the split. You should be the one avoiding them at the office.
NTA.
PontiusPilaates wrote:
You are not an AH, but that’s not how dinners with corporate colleagues work in the US. So a lot of it depends on your location and work environment. If none of them have any say in your future promotions or raises, or have access to the ear of someone who does, then there is no harm and it doesn’t matter. If they do, it may end up costing you more than the $30 you saved on the bill.
eevilitwin wrote:
When I was a young lad “doing Vegas” for the first time on a 21 year old’s budget, my friend wanted to meet their cousins who lived near Vegas for dinner. First, the cousins are insistent that we go to this German biergarten off the strip instead of where we’d planned. Admittedly the food was really good, but I only ordered a small entree and one large stein of beer.
The cousins order multiple appetizers, several beers each, and TWO ROUNDS of Jäger shots! I hate Jäger, so a cousin has my two shots I didn’t ask for. Then the bill comes and the cousins want to split it evenly, including the shots I drank zero of and which they also heavily implied were their treat earlier.
When another friend and I refused, pointing out that the cousins’ meals were each easily 3x as expensive as ours BEFORE counting the rounds of shots, they made a huge drunken stink, played dumb, called us cheap, and ghosted us for the rest of the weekend, which was honestly a huge blessing.
fearless_spring5611 wrote:
NTA, but this demonstrates the importance of establishing how the bill should be paid from the start. I would argue that adults do know how to split the bill without complaining - and that the starting point of splitting the bill is "pay for your own stuff."
Jocelyn-1973 wrote:
NTA. Everybody has a budget and they make choices accordingly. Splitting is something you all want, or all don't do. I would stop going out with these people. Also a tip for if you are ever in that situation again: go to the bathroom before the discussion about the bill starts (there is always the risk of a majority wanting to split), then to the place where you pay and pay your part and tip.
Then inform the others that you just had a text and you need to leave right away, but don't worry, you have just paid your part including a tip for your part.