'AITA for refusing to split groceries with my roommate because she eats way more than me?'
"AITA for refusing to split groceries with my roommate because she eats way more than me?"
I (26M) live with my roommate (25F) who I’ve known since college. We’ve always gotten along, but lately there's been tension over groceries. When we first moved in, she suggested we split the cost of food 50/50 to save money and avoid labeling everything. Sounded fair at the time.
The issue is, she eats a lot more than I do. I usually cook two meals a day and eat light. She snacks constantly, cooks big meals, and has no problem finishing entire cartons of juice or full bags of frozen food in a day or two.
I mentioned this once and she brushed it off like “it all evens out.” But it doesn’t. I’ve been tracking it quietly for a month and realized I’m basically subsidizing her appetite. So last week, I told her I’d rather just buy my own groceries from now on. She got really annoyed and said I was being “petty” and making things awkward.
I even offered to still share basic things like oil or spices, just not full grocery hauls.
She’s been cold toward me since and told a mutual friend I’m being selfish.
AITA for wanting to stop splitting groceries?
The internet had a lot to say in response.
Open_Perception_9141 wrote:
NTA. She's basically eating your wallet while calling you petty for noticing.
OP responded:
True. Wish I could show her this post lol
snchills wrote:
NTA she knows exactly what she is doing. It would really make me mad if I had bought food for myself and went to make some and she had already eaten it. Start labeling or maybe get a little dorm fridge, cuz you may have to start hoarding your stuff so she doesn't eat it all.
OP responded:
Exactly! It’s not even about the food sometimes it’s just the audacity. I’ve tried hinting, but clearly I need to do better. Might start padlocking my snacks at this point.
Critical-Bug-9326 wrote:
Definitely NTA. If your roommate really thought “it all evens out” they wouldn’t be so upset that you now want to individually fund your own grocery’s. This proves they know they’re now going to be out more money, and clearly that’s making them the “petty” one. If the childish behavior doesn’t subside, then it may be time for a change.
Careful-Advance-2096 wrote:
I heard this story from a former colleague. When she had just started working fresh out of college, a few friends and her started living together. One girl amongst them opted out of combining grocery and cooking expenses and efforts because "she was on a special diet". Everybody agreed.
Then when they started living together and the other girls would cook, the girl on the diet would ask to taste and serve herself a full size serving. Any attempt to question her by the others would bring on a tantrum about selfishness. Ultimately the girls all decide to stop cooking and starting eating outside.
PsychologyMiserable4 wrote:
NTA, and her response shows she knew exactly what she was doing. she knew it wasn't a fair split.
Affectionate_Rule431 wrote:
Assuming that there is no romantic relationship between you two, then buying groceries separately would be the default. Just tell her that you want to return to buying your own food. You are not obliged to continue the practice that you initially agreed on if you’ve worked that she consumes more than 50%. What is she going to do?
Impossible_smile_4133 wrote:
Why would she tell a mutual friend you're being selfish? That supports your theory that she's making you pay for her appetite. Also means she's fully aware that she eats more than her fair share. NTA, you're roommates, not married. You're not responsible for supporting her habits anymore than she is yours.
karamellokoala wrote:
NTA. This exact thing happened to me a long time ago and my flatmate couldn't get over how mean I was and told me I was body shaming her. No, you eat three times as much as I do, I'm not paying!
sallystruthers69 wrote:
She knew exactly what she was doing when she suggested this in the first place. Just plainly tell her you no longer will be sharing food and she needs to buy her own. If she presses you further about having a problem with this, then you can remind her that she eats all of your groceries and it's no longer 50/50. This is her doing, not yours.
barryburgh wrote:
Isn't it "interesting" in posts where a group eats out and the BIG eaters want to just split it evenly..because it's EASIER? Yeah, easier on THEIR wallets! Same situation here. OP is being petty and making things AWKWARD...how exactly does it even out in the end? Of course she's pissed...the golden goose of food consumption has just been killed. Funny, that she would comment on OP being selfish.
SavingsRhubarb8746 wrote:
NTA. Splitting grocery bills is not the only way roommates deal with groceries. It doesn't work for all roommates, and it clearly doesn't work for you. It is not in the least petty to stop splitting the groceries when one roommate, for whatever reason, eats a lot more or less of them than the other(s).
Lori_D wrote:
NTA. Make a list of shared supplies e.g. toilet roll, cleaning products, spices, salt, sugar, coffee, tea etc. agree an amount that you each put into a pot for that. Everything else do your own thing. But would she keep to her own stuff? Or if she’s eaten all hers, would she start supplementing from your stuff?