'AITA for refusing to talk things out with my ex after I dumped her for befriending my estranged brother?'

"AITA for refusing to talk things out with my ex after I broke up with her for trying to befriend my estranged brother and pushing me to reconcile with him?"

I (25M) was with my ex Emily (24F) for 3 years. We broke up two months ago. Or I broke up with her two months to give full transparency. Even before we got together Emily knew I was estranged from my brother Travis (28M).

Growing up with Travis was rough. I don't know for sure why he hated me but it was always that way. Our parents were constantly on him as a kid for not treating me with civility at a minimum. They did so much to try and make his treatment of me better until eventually they kept us apart as much as they could.

I know it broke their hearts but Travis went out of his way to say cruel things about me. From mocking how I spoke with my stutter, to making fun of the fact I was bullied at school and saying I deserved it for being fucking dumb, to telling me everyone's life was better when I wasn't born and how he'd go back and stop our parents from having me if he could.

Travis hated me more when he was punished. He blamed me for getting him in trouble with mom and dad. He wouldn't work on those issues with therapists either. Mom and dad must have tried dozens and some were family therapists. Travis was so stubborn.

He went as far as getting his friend's sister to ask me to prom and say she liked me and stuff and then mock me during prom. He knew I had a crush on her and she went along with it because he bought her alcohol or something. Travis wasn't as welcome at home after that. Mom and dad were pissed he'd go so far when he was supposedly an adult now. Even if he was a younger adult.

Our lives have been totally separate since and Emily knew this. We talked about it and what I went through. Then six months ago, after she started getting closer to my family, she started talking more about Travis and then she told me she had gotten his contact info off a family member and was trying to befriend him.

She told me he was family and we should all work things out. I told her I did not like her doing that and it felt like she was stabbing me in the back. She told me she should be allowed to form her own relationships. But she didn't stop there.

She was talking with Travis some. Though he wasn't very responsive to her. So she pushed me hard to reconcile with him and after she refused to stop and she made it clear she wanted to be his friend and have him in our lives I told her I was not staying in this relationship. She didn't think I'd actually break up with her.

But I did. I took my stuff from her place and gave her stuff at my place back and I cut ties with her. And I thanked my lucky stars we hadn't moved in together yet. She tried to contact me but I ignored her and I avoided places where I might run into her. She tried to reach out via friends and I told them they could leave it alone because there was no coming back.

She got one mutual friend to tell me over and over how she didn't want to end our relationship and she wanted us to talk it out and figure out a way to move forward together. I told that friend that she didn't need to be her messenger and I was not interested in hearing what she has to say. Then she showed up on a night out and tried talking to me and I told her to leave me alone.

She told me we needed to speak and to please hear her out and that she was trying super hard. That one mutual friend told me I was being an ass and I should give Emily a chance to work on this. That I was already being a stubborn ass by wanting her to not talk to people because I didn't like them. And she said it didn't matter what Travis did to me.

That Emily was allowed to want to talk to him. She said I sabotaged me and Emily by throwing up so many roadblocks. And not letting Emily talk now was trying to punish her when she wasn't wrong.

AITA?

Internet commenters were thoroughly invested.

WTH_JHG wrote:

NTA. You may need to get a restraining order to get rid of Emily. No means no. “No Travis” means no Travis is not going to be a part of your life. No you do not want to see Travis. No you do not want to have a friendship with Travis. No. No means no. No Emily, means no we are not in a relationship anymore. No I do not want to see you. No I do not want to be friends.

The friends that are taking Emily’s side, are not your friends. Frankly, it is none of their business what is happening in your relationship with Emily. They do not have accurate information. It is OK to tell them that without giving them accurate information. No one is entitled to that information if you choose not to share it. No means no.

OP responded:

Luckily it's only one friend taking Emily's side. She's pretty persistent though. I'm hoping they'll both see how set I am on this and leave me alone soon.

dalealace wrote:

NTA. Emily trampled all over your boundaries by talking to Travis and trying to force you to speak. Then she trampled them all over again in not respecting your wishes to not be contacted. Also your friend is a drip. She can’t work on this because she’s too fixated on her own delusional ideas to care about your feelings and sees nothing wrong with her behavior.

Cute-Profession9988 wrote:

That mutual friend is HER friend. You know who was being stubborn? Your ex. Sure, she can be friends with who she wants to be friends with, but when she wants to be friends with your bully, she's the one with her head up her a$$.