"AITA for refusing to apologize to my brother?"
I need to vent and at the same time I want an unbiased opinion, so here goes. My (32M) brother (29M) has been a complete pain for a long time. He decided to marry his high school girlfriend right after graduation, even though everyone told him it was a bad idea.
He refused to go to college because he said he had a "revolutionary" idea that would make him a billionaire, going so far as to say he would be the "next Elon Musk". As if that wasn't enough, he convinced our parents to give him the money that would have gone to his education for his supposedly ingenious business venture.
Shockingly, it ended up failing, so all that money was lost. In addition, he refuses to get a job, saying he would rather be his own boss than sell his time to someone else - which means he is unemployed.
On top of that, when his wife gave birth to their son, he left all the responsibilities to her and our parents, constantly going out to God knows where and coming back late at night. In November of last year, it was discovered that he had impregnated a 19-year-old waitress, so he and his wife are in the middle of a divorce.
Why am I telling you all this? Because it was our mother's birthday last month and I decided to visit to celebrate (I live in another city for work). While we were having dinner, I mentioned that I got a promotion at work, and my brother sarcastically said it must feel good to have such an "easy life".
According to him, I was handed every opportunity for success while he had to struggle.
Therefore, my achievements are not genuine.
When I heard that, I just exploded. I told him that we both had the same opportunities, only unlike him, I wasn't a complete moron who ruined his life with stupid decisions.
I berated him for everything I mentioned before and told him that the only one responsible for his trash bag of a life was on himself. Things escalated to the point where we almost came to blows, but our dad managed to calm things down before it came to that.
That next day, he left to stay with the 19-year-old girl he got pregnant, and according to my parents, he hasn't been back since. Apparently, he gave my parents an ultimatum: if I don't apologize, they will never meet their new grandchild.
Because of this, my parents have been begging me every day to apologize to him, but I refuse. If I apologize, then he will be justified in his immaturity. I've discussed this with several friends, some telling me to stand my ground and others telling me to do it for my parents so they don't suffer. AITA?
Ten days later, OP returned with an update.
Hi. After reading all your comments, I decided to reaffirm my decision and called my parents a few days ago to tell them that I will never apologize to my brother and not to worry about his supposed threat because the moment that baby is born and his unemployed ass doesn't have the means to support his child, he will surely come back to them.
Although the decision seems obvious, it hurt me a lot to see my parents so tormented. They are not bad people, they were just too permissive with my brother, and here are the consequences.
So that would be it.
If anything else happens in the future, I guess I'll let you know. This was kind of therapeutic for me.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
NTA. He'll come crawling back for their help soon with the new baby regardless.
NTA. He is literally punishing your parents to guilt you into making him feel better about the awful choices he’s made, he’s a dangerous individual and I guarantee if you apologize he will use similar underhanded methods for the rest of your lives. I hope things turn out better for you bro🙁
NTA. Your brother is trash and it took itself out, your parents don’t need to worry because your brother will be back to mooch off your parents kindness as soon as he needs money for the new baby. He is just jealous of your success which you worked for.
NTA The only apology you should give is, "I'm sorry you chose to throw your life away. I'm sorry you're so jealous of me because I didn't." Parents probably don't have anything to worry about. He'll be back when he needs something from them.
NTA - who the hell is going to financially support that grandchild? He certainly won't...he will have to swallow his stupidity once he needs money and guilts his parents to support their only grandchild. Ugh.
One year later, OP returned with an update.
Hi, everyone. I remembered I had this account, and when I logged in, I saw a message from someone asking for updates. Since it’s been a year since I posted, I thought it would be a good idea to give an update on what’s happened since then.
For those who don’t know about the original post, in short, my brother is a complete idiot who has done nothing but make stupid decisions, the most recent being cheating on his wife and getting a teenage waitress pregnant, all while being unemployed and living with our parents.
During our mother’s birthday, we got into a fight and I threw all of that in his face, so in retaliation, he tried to blackmail our parents by telling them they wouldn’t meet their new grandchild unless I apologized. In the end, I decided I wasn’t going to apologize.
Well, three months after that, my parents called to tell me that my brother had moved back home. My brother had been staying with his new girlfriend’s parents, who finally had enough and kicked them both out.
So, my brother was forced to swallow his pride and move back in with my parents, along with his pregnant girlfriend. Honestly I really feel bad for her, she’s a naive girl who had the misfortune of getting pregnant at 19 by a deadbeat like my brother.
A year has already gone by, and my brother seems to have gotten over his anger, but now he’s trying to “brag” about the fact that he’s managed to win over and get two women pregnant while I’m still single.
I know this because that’s exactly what he did last month when I visited our parents for our mother’s birthday. This time I decided to ignore him. I'm too old to fall for his childish games.
And that's about it. My brother hasn’t learnt anything and is still a burden on our parents, but that's the life he chose. The only good thing is that I now have a new niece who is absolutely adorable.
For those who asked about my nephew, don't worry, both my parents and I are still in his life, with my parents visiting him regularly. I make sure to send him birthday and Christmas gifts every year, though now that he has a sister my expenses have doubled, lol.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
"My brother hasn’t learnt anything and is still a burden on our parents, but that's the life he chose."
Actually, that's the life your parents chose.
Sorry that you're in this situation not of your own choosing.
Why are your parents so pathetic and weak though to tell him off? Is it because they lack a spine?
I hope you have smoke for your parents who keep babying him. They will turn to you in their old age when they can no longer afford their lifestyle and their own. Get prepared.
Bragging about getting two women pregnant when one happened from cheating is like bragging about getting unemployment because you were laid off. That poor 19 year old girl.
insane thing to try and brag about when you are where the brother is lmao
I would never be able to look my parents in the eyes after they blessed their 30 year old son knocking up an 18/19 year old. Makes my stomach churn that she doesn't have her own support system (since she moved in with him/the parents) and only a predator and the enablers. That poor girl and your poor niece.