Brother skips wedding in protest of fiancée’s cruel remarks about wife’s fibromyalgia; 'trying for a baby is selfish.' AITA?
"AITA for refusing to attend my brother's wedding because of the way his fiancée treated my wife?"
Any_Pollution3875
So, my (32M) brother (29M) is getting married next month. I was originally excited, but things took a turn when his fiancée (27F) made some comments about my wife (30F). For context, my wife struggles with fibromyalgia, which affects her energy levels and sometimes causes her to need extra support. It’s something we’ve navigated together for years.
At a recent family event, my brother’s fiancée told my wife, in front of everyone, that it was “selfish” for her to try for a baby given her condition. She implied that raising a child with fibromyalgia would be a burden on me and suggested we should “think about adoption instead.”
My wife was mortified. She tried to brush it off in the moment, but I could see how much it hurt her. After we left, she broke down, saying she felt judged and humiliated.
I called my brother the next day to talk about it. I wasn’t expecting an apology from his fiancée, but I at least hoped my brother would back me up and recognize how hurtful the comment was. Instead, he defended her, saying, “She didn’t mean it that way; she’s just direct. You know how she is.”
That really pissed me off. I told him that it wasn’t about “how she is” — it was about respecting people, especially family. He shrugged it off and said I was overreacting. After thinking it over, I decided I won’t be attending the wedding if his fiancée can’t acknowledge how inappropriate her comment was. My brother called me “dramatic” and accused me of “ruining his big day over one small comment.”
Now my parents are involved, saying I need to just let it go for the sake of family harmony. They think I’m being a jerk for skipping my brother’s wedding over “one awkward moment.” But my wife feels validated by my decision, and honestly, so do I. I don’t think we should have to endure that kind of disrespect just to keep the peace. So... AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
brokencappy
Fiancé should apologize for the sake of family. She is being way too dramatic and tearing the family apart. Why would she poison the relationship between family this way and ruin her husband's wedding day by being so hateful and dramatic? I mean, that's just you being you, you being honest. Just the way you are. No? Ah, there's your answer.
Any_Pollution3875 (OP)
I've never really thought of using the same argument before.
Simple_Bowler_7091
Please do, it generally helps those members of the family break free of the familiar emotional ruts/family dynamic and see reason. In your case it might help your parents see just how nasty and disrespectful your future SIL was being to your wife, and you. Suggest to them that we don't welcome new daughter in law to the family by allowing her to take a few potshots at existing DIL - that's not cool.
It likely won't help your future SIL or brother to see the light. When you say they rarely apologize that says a whole lot about the kind of people they are. Short of a true apology to both you and your wife, feel free to skip the wedding.
AllandarosSunsong
So NTA. My sister has fibromyalgia. She managed to have a beautiful daughter who is the light of her world. Was it easy? No. Was it worth it? F yes. Your wife is normal and completely not an AH for wanting to bring a life into the world to love.
Your future sister-in-law however is a callous, cruel and heartless B, as well as an AH. F anyone that doesn't support you standing up for your wife. Anyone. Stand by your guns. You're completely right here.
Any_Pollution3875 (OP)
Thank you so much for this. It really means a lot to hear from someone who understands what living with fibromyalgia is like. I know it won’t be easy, but my wife and I believe it’ll be worth it, too. Your words really hit home—I just want to support her the way she deserves. Thank you again for the encouragement.
LeylaRot2
NTA. Your brother’s fiancée was out of line, and your brother defending her is unacceptable. It wasn’t just a “small comment,” it was hurtful and disrespectful to your wife. You’re not being dramatic, you’re setting boundaries. If they can’t respect you and your wife, you’re completely justified in skipping the wedding. Family harmony doesn’t mean putting up with disrespect.
Any_Pollution3875 (OP)
Exactly. Boundaries aren’t drama.
pleasurablerosalinda
NTA. Your brother's fiancée crossed a serious line, and it’s understandable to stand up for your wife. Her comment was not only inappropriate but also deeply hurtful, especially given your wife's health struggles. Family harmony shouldn't come at the cost of disrespecting your partner. It’s important to prioritize your wife’s feelings and set boundaries, even if it means missing the wedding.