'AITA for refusing to babysit for my ex's kids while her husband is in the hospital?'

"AITA for not babysitting for my ex when her husband is in the hospital?"

Title alone makes me feel like an @$$hole but I don't know. Things are complicated but I'll try to sum it up for you. I (m34) met my ex wife seven years ago, we dated for one year and were married for two before we divorced. When we met she already had two kids from her previous relationship, "Patrick" (m13) and "Luna" (f10). We have one son "Tony" (m5) together.

My own relationship with her kids was good but they never treated me as their dad or something like that because their dad was involved in their life although my wife had primary custody, we all understood I was a step dad and were fine with it.

My relationship with my ex wife was good and I thought very loving, although after our divorce I realized that she used to talk a lot about her ex husband, comparing the two of us and stuff like that which is definitely weird but I didn't noticed it at the time. Well turns out that she really couldn't forget her ex and she ended up cheating with him.

This was very hard to process when I found out thanks to one of her friends and our divorce was not easy. When her family found out about her infidelity they got very angry at her and went NC with her. All of this happened four years ago. Ever since her and her husband had two more babies together (3 and a few months old baby).

Her husband got diagnosed with cancer around November last year. Even after everything they did to me I still feel sorry for them and their kids, it's a sad situation which makes me think I'm an @$$.

My ex and I have shared custody with our son but ever since her husband got sick my son has been staying with me more days as sometimes my ex's husband has to stay at the hospital and my ex has to help him. I'm okay with this of course.

However my ex asked me if I can start taking all of her kids home with me when I pick my son in these kind of emergencies. I told her that I don't want to do that and instead she should ask a friend to take care of them or try to pay a babysitter.

I pay good child support and I know they're not spending all that money on my son at the moment because he's mostly with me, I think it'll be enough to pay for a couple hours. She told me her friends don't want to help her anymore and her family still doesn't talk to her. I told them they need to figure out a solution, I will only help take care of my son. I feel like a POS to be honest, like I'm being too petty.

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

RMaua said:

NTA. Sounds like your ex has burned a bunch of bridges and is trying to make you her lifeline because you share a child. The whole situation is unfortunate but it isn't your responsibility to help her. You're right about her being able to use the money you pay for child support to pay for care for her other kids. But even without that, it would still not be your responsibility.

You sound like a caring person and she knows how to make you feel guilty. But it's not wrong for you to refuse to help.

DoIwantToKnow6417 said:

Why should you feel like a P O S when you don't want to take care of 5 kids (aged 0 to 13) instead of just ONE? That's a big responsibility. NTA.

Splindadaddy said:

NTA. You ex is. Cheated with her ex, ex gets sick and wants u to take care of her kids with ex. That it's complete disrespect to you. Take care of your kid. In fact, get full custody and tell her to kick rocks.

blorflor said:

NTA. And you aren’t being petty. She is asking you to take care of 4 small kids who aren’t your own, including an infant. Ridiculous. Petty would be getting child support reduced due to the current change in custody of your son. You are already supporting her family and are doing enough.

Bloodsquirrel said:

NTA. She wants you to take care of four kids that you have a very limited relationship with after she cheated on you. That's a lot of responsibility to expect someone to assume when she was the one who decided that she didn't want to be committed to you. This woman has some pretty serious issues with treating exs as if they were her current partner when it suits her.

And her own family still not talking to her is a red flag. It sounds like she burned some bridges there.

OP responded:

They haven't forgive her for cheating yet