'AITA for refusing to babysit my sister's kids after she publicly called me 'irresponsible' in front of our whole family?'
"AITA for refusing to babysit my sister's kids after she publicly called me “irresponsible” in front of our whole family?"
United-Ad-7360
I (26F) am the younger sister to "Emma" (34F), who has three kids (7, 4, and 2). Emma has been a single mom for the past few years, and while I respect her hard work, I feel like I’ve been roped into this unofficial “secondary parent” role without my consent, even though I love it at times - it is stressful.
Over the past year, she’s come to rely on me as her primary babysitter. She’ll often ask me to watch the kids at the last minute because she “needs a break” or wants to “run errands” without the stress. I’ve canceled my plans more times than I can count to help her out, and I did it because I wanted to, because she is my sister.
But last weekend I finally had something I was looking forward to: a close friend’s birthday dinner. I’d been helping her plan it for weeks, and we were supposed to have this amazing girls’ night at a fancy restaurant, followed by karaoke—something I never get to do with how much I’m helping my sister.
On the day of the party, Emma texted me in the afternoon, asking if I could watch the kids for “a few hours” so she could “recharge.” I told her I couldn’t because of my plans, and I expected her to respect that which she seemingly did. I assumed she found someone else or worked it out in the end.
Then, fast forward to the next evening at a family dinner. Out of nowhere, Emma goes off on me in front of everyone, saying I’m “irresponsible,” “self-centered,” and that I “have no idea what it’s like to be a real adult” since I don’t have kids of my own.
She even went on about how she “sacrifices everything” for her kids while I “party around like a teenager.” I was mortified and honestly heartbroken. This was in front of our parents, aunts, uncles—everyone.
After dinner, I told her that I was done babysitting until she could apologize and start treating me with respect. She’s been furious, saying I’m “abandoning” her and that “family should be there no matter what.”
It made me feel really bad and I felt as if I did abandoned her as sister with this demand. My mom, of course, took her side, saying I should “let it go” because Emma is stressed and just needs my support as she is a single mum and yadayadayada.
I get that being a single mom is tough and I am her sister and she helped me out a lot too, but on the other side I feel like I’m being guilt-tripped and treated like her backup parent and not even a babysitter that can have other plans. AITA for saying enough is enough and setting this boundary?
Edit: Ok, so lots of people in the comments encourage me to set up firm boundaries. Lots of great advice here imo! Everyone’s so positive and reminding me that boundaries are key.
Now I see that I really do need to hold firm on them. Setting limits is something I’ve struggled with, especially when it’s family. No apology from her yet, but I’ll stay strong. Thanks so much for the support!
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
BlueGreen_1956
NTA. Her being a single mother is her damn problem, not yours.
There is no way I would ever babysit for that witch ever again.
Ditzykat105
Yup this.. NTA OP. I’d take it a step further and A) make it public in a family chat or email that because you are so irresponsible you won’t be babysitting her kids so she can get her nails done and go on dates. B) Follow it up with your mother and thank her for volunteering to help your sister because she is her family.
Kristenmary99
She's not being irresponsible for having plans of her own. It’s completely unfair for OP sister to expect her to drop everything for her, especially when she have already helped so much.
Sensitive-Ad-5406
Group chat:
"For a year I've been a free, last minute babysitter. Screw my original plans, I did it. The one time I say no, you all turn rotten. So the doors are closed.
I don't do free work for ungrateful brats, family or not. You grandparents can start dropping your plans last minute instead, since family is so important to you. Do not call or text me for a long time."
Mute them all. You didn't have those kids, they're not your responsibility. NTA.
PetalPotion99
NTA. You’ve been super supportive, but it’s not fair for her to publicly shame you like that. Setting boundaries is important, especially when you're constantly being taken for granted. She needs to respect your time and your needs too. It’s not selfish to have plans of your own.
Beautiful-Honeydew19
Nta....
I'd tell her she's right and she should never have an irresponsible person like you look after her children... 😈😈😈😈 Update me!
GarbageSad5442
This right here. Tell her you agree with her and you are irresponsible. And since she and the family all feel this way, it would be horrible and dangerous to allow you to continue to watch her children. I'm sorry she is a single mother, but everyone has to deal with the life the fickle finger of fate gives them.
Another potential strategy could be that you pick one day/evening a week that you are willing to devote to her children allowing her to have some free time and stick to that plan. She then needs to have a back up plan of grandparents, other family members, or a hired babysitter to cover spur of the moment times. Good luck 🍀