'AITA for refusing to babysit my sister's kids after she refused to dogsit for me?'
"AITA for refusing to babysit my sister's kids after she refused to dog sit for me?"
I (35M) have a dog. She's an old girl (going on 12 now but she was a rescue so we don't know exactly) and very sweet. I've had her for a decade. She's really well behaved - she doesn't get on furniture, she doesn't bother anyone.
She's old and tired and just wants to hang out at her spot, eat her food, go on her walks and get her pets. She's practically a piece of furniture, but one that needs to be fed and walked. It's probably her age, sure, but she's been that way for a good while. Even when she was younger she wasn't super energetic.
All that to say - she requires some work, but she's not a menace or poorly behaved in any way. Previously, whenever I went out of town, my dad would come over and take care of her. He loved her and it was a really great arrangement for everyone involved.
3 years ago my dad passed away, and since my mom passed a few years prior, it left me and my sister (43F) alone - me more than her, since she has a family. I had a girlfriend at the time, but we have broken up since.
Still - a few months after my dad's passing, we wanted to go on vacation, and I asked my sister to take care of my dog. My dad usually did it by coming over, and I offered the same deal. Hell, I offered alternatives too.
I offered she come over. I offered her older kid (16F, 14 at the time) stay over. I offered to bring my dog over to their place, or hell, even for them to just come over twice a day to walk her and to refill her food and water.
My sister refused outright, she had her hands full with her house and her family and flat out refused to dogsit, even as her own children begged her to let them since they really love my dog.
Nothing helped, she wouldn't compromise, and I ended up having to send her to a pet hotel. I wasn't happy about it, and it cost a pretty penny, but fine whatever. Still, I never quite forgave her.
Now, my sister asked me to babysit, as she and her husband want to go on a trip for their anniversary - it's something my dad (and my mom too) used to help them with. Her oldest, as mentioned, is 16 and her youngest is 8.
The older girl can be left alone, but she obviously wants help taking care of her son, and her daughter doesn't wanna do it, since it's a lot of work over the course of almost a full week.
I wouldn't really mind, and I get along well with both kids, but... she wasn't willing to take care of my dog when I needed her, so why would I agree to take care of her children? So I flat out told her no, and now she's upset.
She says with our parents gone we have no one to rely on but each other, and I told her this was true when I asked for help with my dog as well. She tells me it's not the same thing, since she has a household to take care of, and I just have myself.
I told her no, I have my dog as well, and she needs care too, and she was being condescending and hypocritical. She hasn't really talked to me since, and it's been a few days. So am I just being an AH?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA. If she was asking you to watch the kids in an emergency, I would say you were a ah. But as it's so they can go on a trip, they can pay a babysitter, like you had to pay to board your dog when you went away.
It maybe petty and childish, but sometimes it's what it takes for some people to realise that they can't expect someone to bend over backwards to help them out, when they're not willing to return the favour once in a while.
NTA, I love when people give bullsh*t excuses for not helping but when situation get reversed.... They don't get no for an answer. Stick to your guns, your family or life is not less meaningful than your sisters. She chose to birth two children, you chose to adopt a dog. If you found a way out of your problem by paying for a pet hotel,.she can pay for a babysitter. She reaps what she sown.
Nta. I would have done exactly the same. Your sister sounds so self centred though, there's no way this isn't going to impact your future relationship. I wish you and your dog all the best.
So really what she means by "all we have is each other" is "all I have is you but you are on your own for help because I am too busy" NTA.
What goes around comes around. NTA. She can suffer from the actions of her own consequences.
NTA. You are teaching your sister that actions have consequences. Like it or not she is going to learn that refusing to babysit your fur baby, is going to cost her a lot more money than it cost you. Hopefully her kids will join in on pointing out that she really should have let them babysit your dog.
If you really want to be petty you could offer to just watch the sixteen year old. That will guarantee your sister has to spend more on sitters and your niece will be grateful for the opportunity to extricate herself from having to watch her siblings.
NTA honestly to me it doesn't sound like it's only about the dog and kids, to me it sounds like you were hurt that she refused to help you and now you want to show her that feeling.
Is it petty? Yes, is it justified? Hard to say. But at the end of the day no one can force anyone to do something but there can always be consequences for not doing it which she now will see.