'AITA for refusing to be a bridesmaid?' 'I found out I was the backup.'
"AITA for refusing to be a bridesmaid after I found out I was the 'backup?'"
My best friend is getting married, and she asked me to be her bridesmaid. I was so excited until I found out that I wasn’t her first choice. Apparently, one of her original bridesmaids backed out, and she only asked me to fill the spot.
When I confronted her, she admitted that she had other people in mind before me, but that I was still "important" to her. It hurt knowing I was just a backup option. I told her I didn’t want to be a bridesmaid anymore if that’s how she felt. She got upset and said I was making it all about me when it’s her wedding.
Now, she and some of our mutual friends are giving me the cold shoulder. They think I’m being dramatic, but I don’t want to stand up for someone who doesn’t see me as a priority. AITA for backing out of being a bridesmaid after finding out I was her second choice?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Open-Incident-3601 said:
NTA. But you’re about to get dropped from the friend group. You found out you were the B list friend in the group and you called them out on it. By the time the wedding happens, you’ll be iced out.
WanderingGnostic said:
NAH It's her bridal party and everyone has different levels of friendship. The real silver lining here is that now you know how everyone in the friend group feels about you and you can reclassify accordingly. Give equal energy where it should be given.
Dan-D-Lyon said:
YTA. There's what, 5 bridesmaids? You're getting pissy because you were her sixth choice but would have been fine if you were her fifth?
stefan715 said:
YTA, she might be your best friend but maybe you’re not hers, and that’s okay. It’s still a big honor she picked you at all. Should her “3rd choice” be even more upset than you? If I was your friend, I’d be wondering how to move forward knowing the conditions of her friendship to you.
Odd_Connection_7167 said:
YTA. I've been a backup groomsman twice. It was an honor to be asked, even if I didn't initially make the top five. The grooms were (and are) good friends, and I was happy to support them and be there for their weddings. And yeah there was a twinge of "geez, he invited THAT GUY before me?" But I was happy enough to bury those thoughts and celebrate my friends' special days.
Jb_Rose_213 said:
NTA. But you might have to take stroll down Memory Lane and find the red flags in the bushes.