'AITA for refusing to be happy for my ex fiancé or accept his apology?'
"AITA for refusing to be happy for my ex fiancé or accept his apology?"
Ok-Application5706
First of all, yes I am bitter. I’m over it, but bitter. I (f25) met my ex fiancé when I was 20, through one of my good friends. He is her brother. We dated from 20-23 and got engaged during that time. Prior to us meeting, he had a long term relationship with another girl. I knew about it but he assured me they were done.
Well they weren’t. The day we sent the wedding invitations out, he called it all off. I was devastated and heartbroken like I had never been before, and have never been since. I truly thought that that man was my forever and he just broke it off like nothing. Three weeks later he was back with the first girl.
I don’t think there was any physical overlapping, but emotionally, for sure. They had been talking since we got engaged. Anyway so that was two years ago and I’m all put back together now, and have been for a while.
I am currently dating a phenomenal man who would never ever do that to me. I am very happy and while I had to take a few bumpy roads to get here I am grateful they took me to him :)
Anyway so recently my friend-his sister- let me know that him and the other girl are getting married. I was like oh lol cool. Good for him. I guess I said it sarcastically cause she gave me a weird face. I was like girl what do you want me to say? She was like maybe just be happy for him? I just said okay, I hope he’s happy.
Well, then that night I got a text from him. I don’t even have his number saved but I know it was him because he was like “my sister told me that you weren’t enthusiastic about us. I understand but I just wanted to say I am sorry for everything I did and put you through.
I just left him on read. Cause no. I refuse to go there again. I told my boyfriend and he was like “maybe engagements scare him” lol. My boyfriend told me I am not obligated to accept his apology and my mom told me I should’ve told him some harsher words. I didn’t think about it again for another week.
Until my friend brought it up again. She was like “honestly it’s been bothering me how you reacted. He’s still my brother and I was going to ask you to help me pick out an engagement gift for them.”
I was like girl you have to be absolutely kidding me. In no way shape or form am I happy for them. In fact, I wish their relationship the absolute worst, and I would rather die than pick out an engagement gift for my ex fiance and his new fiancée.
She got so incredibly mad at me, she stormed out of the restaurant. Maybe I was a bit harsh and maybe I should be over it and be the bigger person but I just don’t care enough to do that.
I think I am allowed to wish him the worst considering he made me apologize to every extended part of my family for receiving an invitation for a wedding that was never gonna happen. I was heartbroken and humiliated. AITA for not being happy for him?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
banjadev
NTA - how is this person a good friend? Is she deluded?
hawkofquon
Your friend is an AH. WTF? Was she born under a rock or does she lack the capability of basic levels of empathy?
thejackalreborn
Your friend is acting awfully, she shouldn't have told her brother your reaction, it's just shit stirring. You didn't even react badly. Why on earth does she feel you need to be involved with picking gifts? That's obviously something you wouldn't want to do NTA.
deathboyuk
Your "friend" is insane. And not a friend. Your responses are totally fine. I think you might be at the extents of your 'friendship' with this individual, though. NTA.
stanloonathx
You friend suuuuuuucks. I have no idea why she went to you of all people to deliver the news and invite you to buy a gift. Does she have no other friends? Why did she think you'll be okay with it...NTA.
cthulularoo
Your friend is trying to push a reconciliation. Of you don't straighten her out, she'll be inviting you to stuff with her brother. NTA for how you feel. No one but you gets to determine when you stop being angry or when you're supposed to let things go.
This guy waited till the day before the wedding to leave. He had a long time before that to not drop you in front of the altar, practically. You might need to cut her off if she doesn't stop her shenanigans.
Jealous_Election_833
How much you all wanna bet her "friend" knew about the entire thing from the get go?
Old_Web8071
He dumped you & you need to dump the "friend". But first tell her you don't wish him luck or happiness & at the same time don't wish him anything bad because YOU DON'T CARE.
Lula_mlb
NTA. You don´t owe your ex anything and his poor apology 3 years later, only helps his conscious not you. This is the downside of dating friend´s family members, if things go south then it can get sticky.
Your friend should have never expected you to want to celebrate their engagement or much less try to involve you in trying to buy them a gift, it was very insensitive from her. If she is truly your close friend, I´d try having a heart to heart conversation with her.
I can see from her side it must have sucked as well, from you being almost family to 2 very important people in her life not being able to talk to each other. This might be her trying to smooth things over, but it clearly failed.