'AITA for refusing to be in my sisters wedding after she uninvited my boyfriend?'
"AITA for refusing to be in my sisters wedding after she uninvited my boyfriend?"
I (24F) have been with my boyfriend Ryan (26M) for almost 3 years now. We live together and have talked about marriage. My sister Jenna (29F) is getting married in 3 months to her fiance Tom (30M).
When she first got engaged last year, she asked me to be her maid of honor. I was so excited and of course said yes. Ryan was also included in the original guest list and save the dates went out 6 months ago with both our names.
Last week, Jenna called me and awkwardly explained that Ryan was no longer invited to the wedding. I was completely shocked and asked her why. She said that Tom's cousin Megan had dated Ryan for about 2 months like 5 YEARS AGO, before I even knew him. Apparently Megan is still "uncomfortable" around Ryan and Tom's family is pressuring them to uninvite him.
I tried to reason with her, pointing out that it was a brief relationship from years ago and that Ryan and I are serious. I even offered to sit far from Megan during the ceremony and reception. But Jenna wouldn't budge and kept saying "it's just one day" and "you'll still have fun without him."
I was really upset and told her that if Ryan isn't welcome, then I don't want to be there either. She burst into tears and said I was ruining her wedding over "some guy" and that as her sister, I should prioritize her. Our mom called me later saying I'm being selfish and that I should just do this for my sister.
Ryan says he understands if I still want to be in the wedding, but honestly I'm hurt that my long-term relationship is being disrespected like this. My friends are split and some say I should just suck it up for my sister's sake, others say she's being unreasonable. AITA for refusing to be in my sister's wedding if my boyfriend isn't invited?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA. Sister and bridesmaid trumps cousin. If cousin is uncomfortable, she can sit out. To those pointing out that OP dropping out could impact her relationship with her family, it would be impacted anyway by the disrespect of my long term relationship.
NTA, what's the plan for future family gatherings that Megan might also attend? When you're married with kids is your husband going to be asked to stay home so Megan isn't uncomfortable? Unless we're missing crucial information like Ryan assaulted her or abused her or something extreme like that, Megan needs to suck it up and be an adult.
Can you sit down with you sister and her fiance and talk about how you're very worried that his cousin is impacting your life so much, and how this doesn't bode well for the future? Seriously ask them to consider how unfair this is and how it sets a terrible precedent.
This is the groom's cousin. You are the bride's SISTER. You should absolutely take priority here and it's concerning that she didn't automatically set that boundary. If Megan is uncomfortable then SHE should not attend.
Does make me wonder if something happened or if this is just a case of Megan is “uncomfortable” because the relationship didn’t workout because he found he just didn’t love her and ended things.
Exactly. I don't know so I really can't say but I do think it's wildly different if they had a normal dating/breakup thing and she's just awkward vs if she was actually harmed/mistreated. But that's a totally different situation.
My thinking is that Megan was over-the-top with her feelings during the 2 months of dating and he probably "noped" it out of there. She probably kept chasing after him long after they broke up. It's the only thing that makes sense.
Because if he had been abusive or something, OP would've seen it already, plus Megan would've said something to her cousin. Since she's only feeling awkward, it has to be based on her behavior, not his.
Tell her she is the one prioritizing Tom's COUSIN over her own sister. Ryan is going to be your husband in the future and that puts him first in your life. You don't plan to make a fuss, simply that if Ryan isn't welcome, they you won't feeling right being there. The ball is in her court Her sister vs groom's cousin's bruised ego. NTA.
"No, I'm not prioritizing over Some Guy. This is a man I will probably marry. And when I do, should you be disinvited because you cut him out of your wedding?"
NTA - It's not you that is ruining her wedding, it's the AH cousin who had a very short term relationship years ago with someone and can't get over herself that's ruining the wedding. Why isn't the cousin being told "it's just some guy", "it's just one day", and that "she can still have fun with him there."? That's the questions I would be asking to everyone.
You sister is putting strain in your relationship with her over some unrelated "cousin" to her than her sister. Plus is is SUPER tacky to uninvited someone. I can guarantee this wouldn't be the first thinking he would be uninvited/not invited to. What about a baby shower one day, birthday parties. Etc.
Your sister decided their feelings matter more and it seems like she has the attitude for you to suck it up. But you shouldn't have to. She made her choice and choices have consequences. NTA.
NTA. You are her sister. That trumps her partner’s cousin. You have been together for 3 years. He was with her for 2 months. 3 years trumps 2 months. You are her maid of honour. That trumps regular wedding guest. So ask her this question. Why is she letting her partner’s cousin have a bigger voice in her guest list than you? You should point all of this out to your mother too.
And finally. Does the cousin have a plus one / partner? If so tell your sister and your mother that they are hypocrites with no respect for their own family if they are willing to put this cousin first and it will be remembered when you are deciding who to invite to your wedding. The fact that her boyfriend’s cousin is more important to them than you are tells you everything you need to know.