"AITA for refusing to be my best mate’s baby’s godfather because I don’t think the kid is his?"

I (33M) have been best friends with Mark (32M) since we were teenagers. He’s basically family. He was the best man at my wedding. I helped him move more times than I can count. I was there when his dad died. We’ve been through real brother-level stuff together.

Mark’s fiancée Lena (30F) just had a baby boy. Healthy. Cute little thing. Mark was buzzing. Crying in the hospital. Sending everyone pictures. Saying how his life finally had purpose. It was... a lot. But I was genuinely happy for him. Except I’ve been sitting on something for a long time.

Around the time she would’ve gotten pregnant, Lena was sleeping with a lad I work with - let’s call him Callum (24M). He had no idea she was in a relationship. Thought she was single. One night over pints, he even showed me a photo of her and said something like, “Here, this is my new moth - she’s a bit intense, but the sex is great.” I recognized her straight away.

I didn’t say anything to Callum, but I confronted her a few days later. She admitted it. Said it was “complicated,” that she and Mark were “taking time to figure things out.” She begged me not to tell him. Said she wanted to fix things and make it work - that Callum was a mistake. I told her she had one chance to be honest. She promised she would. She didn’t.

And I just... sat with it. I didn’t know how to bring it up. I didn’t know if Mark already knew. I didn’t want to blindside him. I didn’t want to be the reason everything fell apart. Then the baby was born. And he doesn’t look like Mark.

I know how that sounds. Genetics are weird. But the resemblance to Callum is brutal. Same dimples. Same ears. Same look. Even my wife noticed - and she doesn’t say stuff like that lightly.

Then, last week, Mark invited me over for a few cans. We were watching the match, chatting, and out of nowhere he tells me he wants me to be his kid’s godfather. Said he trusts me more than anyone. Said he wants me to be part of his son’s life forever. And I felt sick. I said no. Told him I couldn’t accept.

He looked crushed. Kept asking why. I tried to dodge it, but he wouldn’t let it go. Finally I just said: “I don’t think he’s yours, mate.” Dead silence. He asked what I meant. So I told him. Everything. About Callum. About the timing. About Lena begging me to stay quiet. About how I should’ve told him sooner, but didn’t. He didn’t shout. Didn’t swing. Just said: “Get out of my house.” So I did.

That was three weeks ago. He hasn’t spoken to me since. Lena’s blocked me on Facebook and Instagram. Some of our mutuals say I ruined what was probably just a rough patch. One guy even said I "weaponized the truth." A few are spreading stuff like I was secretly in love with Lena. One lad I helped get a job last year called me an “emotional terrorist.” It’s been brutal.

But I didn’t say it to be cruel. I just couldn’t stand there and pretend anymore. Yesterday morning, after I posted about it, I was reading through the comments. Loads of people said I should talk to Callum directly. That afternoon, during our lunch break at work, I ran into him. So I sat down with him, made some small talk, and then I asked: "Do you remember that girl you were seeing a little over a year ago? Lena?"

He goes, “Yeah, the mad intense one? Why?” I asked if he still talked to her. He said she ghosted him and blocked him about nine months ago. He hadn’t heard from her since. Just assumed she lost interest. Wasn’t fussed.

That’s when I told him: I know her. I know her fiancé Mark. They’ve been together for years. She was not single. And not long after she ghosted him, she got pregnant. Now there’s a baby. He just stared at me. Eventually said: “WTF, man. I had no idea. She swore she wasn’t seeing anyone.” I asked if he thought there was any chance the kid could be his.

He said: “Nah. Can’t be mine, man. I’ve only got one ball.”

Said he took a bad hit playing football years ago. Did proper damage. Doctors told him it was unlikely he’d ever have kids. Not impossible, but “highly unlikely.” Then he added, “Plus I never finished in her, so unless a miracle happened....”

He looked genuinely thrown. Not smug. Not guilty. Just stunned. Said he didn’t want drama. Didn’t want to be involved. Didn’t want to reach out to Lena or Mark. Just felt bad I got caught in the middle.

I let him read the post. He handed me back my phone and said:

“Didn’t think I’d be part of someone else’s worst f**king day.”

So yeah. I’m writing Mark a letter. It’s all I can do now. I don’t know if he’ll read it, or respond. But it’s the least he deserves after how I handled this.

Someone commented: Being a godfather is about promising to protect and care for the child. Do you not care about this child because it’s possibly not your friend’s biologically? Because it sounds like this kid is going to need someone to protect and love it, whoever its father is.

And honestly? They're right.

I never considered the impact this whole thing would have on the child. I know the kid is innocent, no matter whose he is. And if Mark chooses to raise him as his, I would want to be there for the child too.

I probably picked the worst time and the worst way to say it, but this had been bottling up inside me for so long. I just didn’t know how to talk about it.

Someone called me a conflict avoider - and they’re not wrong. In the ten years I’ve been with my missus, we’ve never had a real argument. We’re both very "go with the flow." At work, I keep my head down. I avoid heavy conversations. Politics, religion, anything that could turn into a row - I steer clear.

Not because I have strong views I’m hiding. I just hate conflict. Maybe that’s a product of growing up in a broken home, where every word you said could spark a shouting match. Where you got used to monitoring your tone just to keep the peace.

So yeah. I snapped. I said it wrong. I said it badly. But I said it because I care. And I didn’t know how to carry it anymore. So, AIT(A)H? I kind of already know I am in some ways.

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

Outrageous-Ad-9635 said:

Sorry mate, but yeah, YTA. The time to tell Mark that his missus cheated on him was when she cheated on him - not when he is over the moon because she just gave birth to a baby he thinks is his!

You had nine months to speak up and handle this in a reasonable manner, but you chose to do it at the worst possible time instead. And all because you “couldn’t carry it anymore”. Well, you’ve unburdened yourself alright. I hope it was worth it.

OP responded:

Sadly, I agree. I just never found a right way to tell him, then it went too long, and then I thought, "How do I bring it up?" I should have just gone to him first when it happened.

Ok-Ambassador1247 said:

Having one ball means nothing, plenty of men have children with one, I should know as I'm one of them.

OP responded:

That's good to know! I personally only know one person who has a child and only has one, but I couldn't remember if the child came before or after that situation.

Unkle_bad-touch said:

YTA but not because you won’t be this child’s godfather but because you had evidence that your brother-like best friend was being cheated on and you didn’t tell him.

Plain and simple, you’re a sh!tty friend and person for that. You didn’t give Mark the opportunity to make a decision about his cheating wife and that then would impact the course of his relationship. You made an assumption and an agreement with the cheating wife and took the cowards way out.

I mean, you didn’t even confirm with Callum if the affair was actually ended after you confronted the cheating wife. You just went with the flow of what a known liar laid out to you because it was convenient and you’re the biggest asshole for that and I think that’s why Mark doesn’t want anything to do with you.

abedilring said:

Ahh.. the burden of being the bearer of bad news. Unfortunately, YTA, but not for the reasons others have mentioned. You had 9ish months to process the information; Mark had 3 minutes? Lena is the worst here, but you enabled her to step this situation up (intentionally or not).

Your motivation might feel like you were "protecting" Mark by giving her the option to come clean, but you knew she never did--you would've heard about it from Mark. Your motivation was to avoid an uncomfortable situation.

Imagine how uncomfortable it must be NOW in their household because you didnt want to be uncomfortable. Write your letter, but don't send it. I have a feeling that your explanation will only be received as an excuse.

And OP responded:

I know. I'm realising how badly I messed up. It's insurmountable tbh.