'AITA for refusing to bend my wedding around my neurodivergent's sister's needs?'

"AITA for saying I don't care about my sister's rejection sensitive dysphoria, and will be having my wedding the way I want it?"

I know sometimes it might seem like the answer is obvious, but I am honestly asking for the truth because I am getting so much pressure from my family that it is becoming unbearable now.

I (M30) am newly engaged. My fiancée (F30) and I have been together for two years and we both feel ready for the next step. We don't want a big wedding. We both come from huge families and we don't want to deal with the costs and the headache of planning a huge event.

Our plan is to go to city hall and sign the required papers. We would invite my parents, my sister, my brother-in-law, my fiancée's father and sister, and two of my friends (since they were the ones who set my me and my fiancée up). After that we would all go out for dinner. We don't want any other wedding stuff or any kind of reception.

When my older sister got married three years ago I ended up being thankful I was stationed in another country (I was in the RCAF at the time). She had a huge, expensive wedding which is normal in our family but watching it on a live stream was enough for me. I was getting a headache when I was hearing about the planning second hand.

My fiancée and don't want that stress. I thought my family would have a problem with us not a having big wedding or only inviting my parents, sister and brother-in-law. But my sister got upset because she wanted to be my fiancée's maid of honour. We aren't even having a maid of honour/best man or wedding party at all.

Even if we were, my fiancée would want her own sister to be maid of honour, not my sister. My sister also thought she would get a special role in the wedding as 'sister of the groom' which isn't a thing as far as I know. I've never seen it at any wedding I've ever gone to.

For full disclosure, my sister has ADHD and with that she also has something called rejection sensitive dysphoria. She takes rejection really personally and even though my parents sent her to therapy before she still takes it hard when she thinks someone has rejected her, even if they haven't really done that.

I told her my fiancée and I aren't having wedding parties or a wedding where other people have a special role. She feels rejected and now my parents, my brother-in-law and other people in my family are pressuring me to change my mind.

AITAH for telling my sister and everyone else that I don't care if she feels rejected and won't change a thing about the wedding? It gets annoying to have everything revolve around my sister's feelings all the damn time. I don't think it's wrong for me and my fiancée to want our wedding day to be about us.

(Instead of giving my sister the role of maid of honour/groom's sister and letting her be the center of attention like she wants). My parents and my brother-in-law are the worst offenders and I ended up telling them (and everyone else who pressured me)

that I'm done talking about this and to never bring it up again. AITAH for this? I just want to have my wedding the way my fiancée and I want it. But my family has never gotten so upset at me about anything else before so I wonder if I overstepped.

This is what people had to say to OP:

Alternative_Owl_3710 said:

NTA and i would tell your parents, Sister and BIL that if they mention it again then NONE of them will be attending the small occasion your have planned. You'll just elope and have some random witnesses. That should shut them up.

TheRoadkillRapunzel said:

Jesus. RSD is something you have to work on, not something that means everyone has to give into you to prove that they “really care about you.” I have ADHD. I sometimes get RSD. It sucks. It’s hard. It also doesn’t mean I get to demand to get my way all the time. NTA. You need to be firm with your sister. It seems like no one else is willing to.

dougfromtheshowdoug said:

Nta rejection sensitive dysphoria doesn’t mean your sister get to be the center of attention all the time

ConclusionUnusual320 said:

NTA in any way. This is your wedding to have however you want it. Your parents/BIL aren’t helping her manage the condition, they are enabling her and feeding it. They should focus on what support she needs to manage this situation. Tell them that if they can’t support you, they can watch it in live stream or you’ll elope.

Curl8200 said:

NTA. Tell her she isn't being rejected cos she was never asked. She set her ownself up for the disappointment. Her Main Character Syndrome is hers and hers alone to deal with. I would personally just uninvite her, bro in law, and parents. Send them the video and save yourselves the stress. It's your day not anyone else's.