'AITA for refusing to bring materials to stepdaughter so she can do school work while recovering from surgery?'
"AITA for refusing to bring materials to my stepdaughter so she can do school work while recovering from surgery?"
Ambitious_Word2131
I (40f) married my husband when my stepdaughter Elise (17f) was 6 years old. I met Elise when she was just 3. My husband and Elise's mom had been divorced since Elise was a few months old. Elise's mother was already married to someone else when I met my husband.
To make a very long story short. Elise's mother started to hate me during my engagement to my husband. Her husband at the time hit on me in front of my husband and his ex. For some reason she blamed me and not him. Then a few months later and days before our wedding she learned he had cheated on her multiple times. I was blamed for this.
This led to parental alienation, which my husband and I tried to end and attempted to prevent it from working on Elise. But it worked very well. Elise was brainwashed by her mom to be as unkind to me as possible.
This unkindness turned into some very bad moments where she pretended not to know me while we were out (even once or twice when my husband was with us and had stepped away).
She also refused to acknowledge her half siblings as any kind of siblings. She has always called herself an only child. She looked me in the eye and wished me dead on two separate occasions. Apparently her mom wished for the same thing.
When Elise was 13 a big fight played out in court but ultimately Elise's wishes were heard and she went to live with her mom full time. She sees my husband two Saturdays a month as ordered by the courts.
Occasionally she will see me or her half siblings while out and she is as unkind as ever to me when she sees me. Elise had surgery a week and a half ago. She won't be back at school for a few weeks yet.
They have been emailing on work for her to do but Thursday they had some materials to send to her home so she could complete certain projects. I was near the school and was asked by my husband's mother to pick up the materials for Elise.
Elise's mother also told me to do it (she did not ask). I told them I felt it would be better for someone else to collect them seeing as my presence is so unwanted. I told my MIL that I knew I would be facing disrespect the second I got to Elise and her mom's house.
MIL told me I just proved to Elise that I don't care about her at all and I never loved her unconditionally as a parent when I wouldn't sacrifice for her.
AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
popoPitifulme
Oh, brother! I'm on your side, OP. "MIL told me I just proved to Elise that I don't care about her at all and I never loved her unconditionally as a parent when I wouldn't sacrifice for her."
Your opportunity to love her in any way as a parent was taken away from you. And these women refused to respond to your stated reason for not wanting to be on the ex's property. Please do not communicate directly with Elise's mother. Anything concerning your stepdaughter should come from and only from your husband.
Yeah, you could have picked the crap up for Elise and left it on the front porch, or at the street end of the driveway. A little petty, but practical considering the risk of confrontation if you brought it to the door and knocked. Why put yourself through that? NTA.
Minute-Set-4931
NTA. She is almost an adult and has been treating you like dirt for years. I'm a kind person, but I'm also not a doormat. If somebody is going to be downright mean to me, I don't help them out unless it was a life or death situation.Frankly, the family members who are advocating that you go and help Elise are not doing her any favors, either.
They're trying to teach her that you can treat people like crap, and they should still be willing to do things for you. That's not how life works. I would feel differently if Elise was much younger or if the parents were actively with the trying to help the situation.
NotAStonerHippie
NTA. If the situation with SD was still new and developing, you might have helped yourself by helping her. But it's not new and developing; it's essentially completed and developed. The damage is done - has been for a while.
Ex and SD have made it abundantly clear you're not welcome in their lives, even going so far as getting a court order to that effect. Unless you're desperate to get them back in your life, you should continue to honor their repeated requests that you disappear from theirs. Good riddance to them.
Majestic-Leopard-563
NTA her mother can go and collect the work for her delightful darling daughter! Or mil can go and get it. I would most certainly not pick up anything for a child that is rude to me or my children! The people saying Y T A are deluded!
Robbes_Watch
NTA. IMHO, they are going to bad-mouth you no matter what you do. If you do drop off the materials, they will spin it that they had to force you to do it, because you're such a rotten person you wouldn't just do it on your own like a decent person would. Don't feel bad, there are plenty of other folks who can bring this child her school work. Or her family can go to get them from the school.
barmster1992
I feel like half the people here haven't even read the post. Stepdaughter has been awful to you since she was 6 when you married her dad. Its been over 10 years. Why should you do anything to help her?
Yes she might have been brainwashed by her mother, but shes 17 now, can make up her own mind, but she still doesn't want to. She hasn't even got a relationship with your kids. Everyone who are saying "this would have been a win for you", no it wouldn't.
Its been this long and after all this time you doing that for her would make it seem like you are spineless and all of these people can walk over you. NTA at all I don't think, you're in a lose lose situation.