'AITA for refusing to change my children's school for husband after his ex wife lost her high paying job?'
"AITA for refusing to change my children's school for husband after his ex wife lost her high paying job?"
I am 42f with two children 16f and 12m with my ex dany. I have been married to Greg 44m who had a son 15m and daughter 10f with her ex Lia. We met at our children's school. Dany and i jointly fund out children's private school and they have college funds set by both set of grandparents.
He is loaded. My ex and I don't like each other. But we co parent well and want best for kids. Greg and I have decided that things we buy and treat kids equal at home. But school, college fund won't be mixed as our ex are involved. As well as gifts from ex partners.
We have had to teach kids the differences about the income when it comes to my ex kids. Kids are nice to each other and share things. Although they definitely love their bio siblings way more.
Greg and his ex jointly fund their children education too. But Lia lost her job recently and has to downgrade. That means they can't pay for same school. They had to change school. Now he is pressuring me that his kids hate that my children go to bigger international school. And we should change school after summer.
I told him that my kids education can't be compromised and it was clear to us, that we are responsible for our children's school as well as college education. We are fighting a lot on this and he is saying I am being too tough.
He is sleeping in other room. But I won't change anything regarding my children and my ex alone can pay for children education, if I even try to do this and my kids will never forgive me.
I love Greg but this is the hill I will die on. I don't think he would've changed his kids's schools if this was the case on my side. Even if it means, I have to lose him. I am hurting inside . But I want best for my children.
Edit. I can't take solo decisions on my children's education. My ex will drag me to court and mind wash kids against me. And second stop sending sex messages. I am not interested in cheating on my husband.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
Greg needs to get over himself and stop thinking that he gets a say on where another man's children go to school when he isn't even paying for it. They aren't his children, they have a father. Their father pays for their education and not him. Their fathers finances and what he wants to provide for his children are none of his business.
He needs to get a grip and teach himself and his own children to manage their expectations. They aren't going to get everything they want in life and there will always be somebody who has more, is better off, is smarter, is more successful than them. They don't get to demand that other people do without because they don't have.
NTA. Greg has nothing to do with your children’s education and apparently has been that way since the beginning. Greg can’t change the rules because he feels your children are getting a better deal. Your children come first and their education is so important, as well as being set up by going to a good school, good college etc. I stand with you on this hill.
NTA. Protect your own kids.
He doesn't get to decide that for someone else's children, how ever hard that is for him and his children.
NTA. This is the hill you should die on. Looks like kids get along well. Right moment to teach them. I would've understood, if both of your ex's weren't paying and fees were paid from the household income. Then yeah it could've been an awkward situation. But here your kids schools are the same pre marriage. And he isn't funding it. You and your ex are jointly funding it.
Also your ex will never agree and your image will be ruined in front of your kids. He will laught at you, If you become weak. Which I am sure you won't. Your kids will never forgive you, if you uproot them.
Kids will only understand, if your income or your ex's are the one who had taken a hit. Step children should be loved. But not at the expense of your own bio children. Always remember that! Step are your children ( if kids want ) till marriage exists in most cases.
Keep standing your ground! NTA you guys literally separated these things for a reason and now that his little helper isn’t anymore he feels slighted. He feels like wtf I have to fully pay for all this now?? and guess what that feeling isn’t your fault because it’s not your kids education. Again NTA He needs to get a grip on reality before he loses his family.
NTA he drew a line and and you refused to cross it, also I don’t know if bill was intentional or not but I see what you did there lol.
NTA. Changing your children's school won't benefit your husband's children. This is just an easy fix. Your husband should try to find ways to secure their future (learning about criteria to get a scholarship, sport/art classes and/or on line courses to develop additional skills, etc)
Greg is upset he can’t keep up with the Jone’s now so he wants the Jone’s to downgrade so he doesn’t have to face financial reality: He can’t afford to have his kids in the “better” school that his wife’s kids go to. This is a good lesson to teach your kids: How to let money and superficial considerations have the most meaning in your life. Sad.
NotADoormatNaomi (OP)
Sorry? Arey you trying to shade me? First my ex will never accept these terms. He is loaded and will drag me to court and try to get my children's custody and mind wash them. Second this school provide doors to top colleges in the country and my eldest has entered 11 th class. In two years, she will be in college. I Can't take this away from her because my husband is being childish.
I never ever put my husband down for finances and my kids are mature enough to share things with my step children. They understand the differences and have empathy.