'AITA for refusing to change my wedding guest list after my parents demanded it?'

"AITA for refusing to change my wedding guest list after my parents demanded it?"

I, 25F, and my partner 31M are getting married next fall, after almost four wonderful years together. My relationship with my parents have always been on the rockier side, and my fiance has little to do with my parents because of comments that were made to me in the past (threatening to make me homeless etc.) before we bought our first home together.

After I moved out, my relationship with my parents had improved, and I was looking forward to having a small, intimate wedding with my parents, his parents, and some of our closest friends.

We’ve planned for 25–30 people at a church ceremony, followed by a meal. On my side, the guest list includes my parents, my brother, my grandmother, and two of my dad’s childhood friends who are like uncles to me. My bridal party consists of three women I’m close to, and I was considering asking a close male friend to be a bridesman.

The issue began when I asked one of my close friends, someone I met at work in my early 20s and have stayed very close with ever since, to be a bridesmaid. She has been a consistent support in my life and has been involved in my journey with my fiancé from very very early on - she's the reason we met.

My mum objected, claiming I didn’t know her “deeply enough,” despite the fact that she has been a major part of my life for years. From there, things have escalated.

My parents demanded I invite a list people I don’t even speak to and haven’t had meaningful contact with in years, just so they would have more people on "their side" present on our wedding day. These are people who add nothing to our wedding day and I do not envision them being present when I think of my "dream wedding."

So naturally, I refused, and their behaviour became extreme: calling me pathetic, threatening to invite these people behind my back just to upset me on my wedding day, publicly posting online that my fiancé and I are “awful” and that they would not attend, and my dad even called the wedding a “sham.”

I am under the belief that the guest list should be mine and my fiancé’s alone, and that we get the final say in who we want to invite to our wedding, especially a wedding of this size. I don't think I am being unreasonable but my parents are making it feel like a battleground.

Also, for added context, we have paid for this wedding entirely out of our own pockets, which is fine and I didn't mind doing so. But I know some people have a view that if they're paying they should get some sort of say. So THT fam... AITA for standing my ground and refusing to let my parents’ threats dictate my guest list?

This is what people had to say to OP:

SusanMShwartz said:

Pure passwords on your vendors so your parents don’t get cute. Hire security to turn away uninvited guests. Including your parents if need be. It is ONE day. Have a beautiful marriage.

Sharp_Magician_6628 said:

Uninvite your parents, and give their invites to other more worthy people, like the homeless couple living under the highway over pass. They won’t be nearly as demanding. I don’t think your relationship with them is as good as you think it is. It doesn’t sound like they bring any joy to your life. Your fiancé hates them, and you may need to cut them off as well

definitelytheA said:

I would suggest that if you haven’t already given your parents a venue and date, you don’t. If you have, change one or the other, and keep it to yourself. Going forward, I’d recommend very low contact, and a strict information diet. If you get pregnant, make sure they’re the last to know, you don’t know the sex, the name isn’t being shared until after birth, and tell them a due date a month later than the actual one.

They’d be teetering on no contact for at least a while if I were you.

OP responded:

Thank you for your advice, we luckily have not disclosed the ceremony venue or timings, they know the date but no further details. I've also said in another comment, one of my friends has offered their services to be a bouncer on the day, which gives me some peace of mind. I will be going no contact for a while and I have temporarily blocked both of their numbers.