'AITA for refusing to clean out my grandpa’s house 25 years post-death?'
"AITA for refusing to clean out my grandpa’s house 25 years post-death?"
AITA for refusing to clean out my dead grandpa’s house? Here’s the story. My grandpa died when I was 15 years old, I am now 40 years old. My grandpa left his house to my aunt.
His house is more of a permanent trailer, in a retirement community. My aunt has never been married, never had a serious boyfriend and has no kids. She is very sentimental.
She has always made excuses as to why she won’t clean out or sell his house. Her excuses have been: too busy at work, too busy hanging out with friends and she hasn’t figured out what she wants to do with it.
In the last 25 years, she has let the house rot. She’s never slept in it, doesn’t keep it up, but does pay the taxes and HOA. About 15 years ago, I offered over and over again to help her clean it out or fix it up.
I didn’t want money for it, just wanted to help her so that she could use the place. I am independently successful, so I don’t want the money from the house. My aunt always refused to have me help her with the house.
My husband even offered too, she said no. Since the house has been abandoned for so long, she mentioned to me about 5 years ago that animals have gotten into the house and there’s animal poop throughout the home. She has done nothing to clean it up and now there’s years and years of animal feces and maybe even dead animals inside.
Fast forward to 2025, my mom passed away and I spent a grueling 3 weeks cleaning out my mom’s house. It was rough! I have 3 kids and had to leave my family to clean out my mom’s house.
I told my aunt that I can clean out her house when she passes, but asked her to please take care of my grandpa’s house herself. He’s been dead for 25 years and I feel like it’s unfair to have me clean that out too. Especially to have to clean out both her home and my grandpa’s house while juggling my own family of 5.
My aunt told me, “Oh don’t worry about that. It will be so easy for you and you probably will only have to move out a mattress or two.” This is false, as his house is full of his possessions. It also upset me that she seems to have always expected me to do the work.
I did love my grandpa. But his house literally is a hazmat situation with the animal feces, broken pipes, nonfunctional AC and more. She hung up on me when I told her the house would require hazmat suits to clean it out.
A week later, I texted my aunt and told her that it is her responsibility to take care of her father’s house and not mine. That was 5 months ago and she has not replied to me.
She normally texts me every week. I’ve been ghosted. My concern is near Thanksgiving and Christmas she is going to show up to my house and pretend everything is fine.
What do I do? This aunt has been very controlling and manipulative my entire life. This is the only time I’ve ever stood up to her. Part of me just wants her out of my life forever. And part of me says it’s family and I should just suck it up.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA. After being abandoned for 25 years, I can't believe there'd be anything salvageable in it. Basically I would think you'd have to do the equivalent of putting the whole thing in a dumpster.
25 years for an abandoned trailer? There really is nothing for you to clean out. When she dies if you inherit the house just get a wrecking crew to remove it and do with the land as you please, and if someone else inherits it - well then it's their problem.
Why does anyone in your family need to clean it out? Sell it as is if it gets left to you, otherwise not your problem. I hate it when people do what your aunt has done. What a waste.
Life-Dinner-8516 (OP)
Good point. My guess is the house will have to be demolished. My concern is his house is a few hours away, so I’ll still have to travel there to try to find a realtor or someone to purchase it. The house will further fall apart between now and when my aunt passes too.
Just wash your hands of the entire house situation. Pretend that is doesn't exist even after your aunt passes, hopefully she doesn't leave it to you. If she does for some reason idk if you can refuse it, if not just sell it for whatever you can get since you don't need the money.
If your aunt shows up to Thanksgiving be the bigger person and let her stay but let her know that you aren't talking about Grandpa's house and if she wants to she can leave. Oh yeah, obviously. NTA.
NTA. But how on earth has an HOA not sent fines or tried to seize the property? HOAs are so uptight about property values and appearances it's incredibly difficult to believe this is real. A rotting house with animal activity? No way. They just accept fees and stay silent over it.
Life-Dinner-8516 (OP)
It’s in a trailer park. With just rock landscape. So I don’t think there’s high standards where it is. Believe me, I’m also shocked the community has allowed this to happen. It was a neighbor that told my aunt about the animals. My aunt and myself both live a few hours from my grandpa’s place. I haven’t seen it in maybe 9 years. I don’t think my aunt has driven to it in over 6 years.