'AITA for refusing to cover a shared cost after my coworker wouldn’t show me the breakdown?'
"AITA for refusing to cover a shared cost after my coworker wouldn’t show me the breakdown?"
I (24F) recently started my first full time job after graduating. My company has an optional team social fund where each member of our small department contributes a set amount every month to cover birthday treats, team lunches, and small surprises. It sounded harmless, so I joined when my coworker Liam asked.
He manages the fund and everyone just sends him their contribution directly. Not that i suspected anything but last month, I asked if he could give me a breakdown of what the money had gone towards so far, because I’m trying to be better about tracking my spending. My mom drilled into me that I should always know where my money is going.
He said, "Yeah, I’ll get it to you later."
He didn’t.
Few days later, he didn't send anything but he reminded me that my monthly contribution was due. I asked politely for the breakdown again. No reply. I waited a few days and sent a follow up, nothing. He responds to other messages in the work group chat, but mine about the fund get ignored.
Last week he came to my desk and said, Hey, you still haven’t sent your part for the fund this month. I told him I’d be happy to once I got the breakdown I’d asked for, nothing complicated, just a list of what’s been purchased with everyone’s contributions.
His whole demeanor shifted. He sighed loudly and said, Nobody else needs this level of detail. It’s supposed to be casual. You’re making it weird.
I told him it wasn’t personal, it’s just my budget and my comfort. He walked away mid sentence.
Now a couple coworkers have hinted that I’m overthinking everything and making extra work for Liam. One even said I was being stingy for not just paying like everyone else.
I’m starting to feel guilty, but it also seems like a basic thing to ask when I’m handing over money every month. AITA for refusing to contribute again until he shows me what the fund is actually being spent on?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
NTA. Liam’s embezzling or at the least, mismanaging the fund. He’s lashing out because you’re about to end his gravy train.
It seems like her colleagues are more willing to pressure her into contributing than asking Liam about the spendings.
Some people are extremely conflict-averse, for some it might not be an amount of money they have to bother caring about, some might enjoy the convenience of someone else planning the events that they figure, “oh well, we still got Sue a birthday cake and that’s what’s important.”
Optional social fund. Sorry just started, not in my budget right now. Optional. End of discussion. NTA, but don't ask, just say no.
Super-Ad-2617 (OP)
Thanks, i'll do just that.
INFO: What's the amount that they're asking you to contribute? If it's like $5 I'd say you might be doing too much but if it's like $50 a month then your stance is fair. Also, how many people in the office contribute?
The question OP seems to be avoiding about as much as Liam is dodging hers. She also only interacted with answers that are agreeing with her. Something tells me we have an unreliable narrator here.
Something is telling me they’re asking for like $5 a month from each person which is why you’re not answering how much….. if that’s the case, YTA. Liam’s organizing, coordinating and executing, just say no to begin with.
Sorry, can't make a judgement. After several asks, OP hasn't shared the amount. It's optional, and he can certainly ask what he wishes, but there us a huge difference between a $2/month and a $20/month contribution, as well as how many contributors. Nor does he say how nice the office birthdays are - as in, will his birthday feel equal or greater than the contributions he makes or not?
ESH. He should be tracking how the money is spent. But “knowing where your money is going” doesn’t mean following every penny after you’ve given it to someone. When you pay for a meal at a restaurant, do you ask the managed for their financial records so you know how your money is spent? Do you ask your landlord for a breakdown of where your rent money goes?
Being financially literate and “knowing where your money is going” means knowing what you are paying. Not having little charges you’re overlooking and paying without getting anything out of it. Things like that.
If you don’t think the social fund is worth it, stop contributing. If you actually think Liam is mismanaging it, stop contributing. How that money gets spent after you’ve given it to him doesn’t affect your budget. Hounding someone for details on how much they spend on birthday cakes and paper plates for the office in the name of “your budget” is creating tension for no reason.
If I was tasked with gathering money (and chasing people who aren’t paying it) and budgeting and funding these events, then I’m spending enough of my time on this already.
I sure as hell wouldn’t be preparing a damn spreadsheet because someone needs to account for who got what birthday cake. Either contribute and get over it or don’t contribute. It’s optional. Opt out. But don’t make it harder on someone who is probably not thrilled to have to manage the process anyway. YTA.
If you don't answer the question of how much money you put towards it this involves, then how do you expect anyone to make a fair judgement? It's been asked many times, but no answer from you.