Teen refuses to cut his long hair in support of 7yo niece with cancer. 'It won't cure her.' AITA?
"AITA for refusing to cut off my hair because my 7-year-old niece has cancer?"
The title probably already tells that I'm the AH, which I probably am, but I just need other peoples' opinions on my situation. I am 17 male. Unfortunately, about 6 weeks ago, my niece got diagnosed with leukemia. Considering she has pretty much had health issues since birth, words can not describe how bad I feel for my aunt, uncle, cousin and especially my niece.
It basically broke their family apart, and even though I had never been that close with them, I really tried to emotionally support them (especially my cousin) to really let him know that I'm there for him and that he can tell me whatever is going on inside his mind at any time anywhere, which he has already done a couple times.
Now, I'll get to the point. Last week, due to the results of chemo, my nieces beautiful long blonde hair started to fall off, which they immediately shaved down. I'm not a native English speaker, so I'm sorry if I make this sound weird.
But the next day, a group chat including the entire family was created where my aunt announced it would be wholesome if everyone shaved their hair off as well. To show their support. Including a picture where the four of them all smile without any hair on their head.
As soon as I saw this, I thought it was wholesome, but doubted anyone else would do it. Two hours later, I arrived home so see both my sister and mother bald. Then, I saw that my other cousin and grandma had done the same.
The next day, when I woke up and entered the living room, my mom asked: "When are you ready to do it?" while holding an electric hair trimmer. I originally thought it was something to decide on your own, but since everyone else is doing it, I'm kind of being pushed into a corner.
I really really don't want to sound egoistic, but iI' a guy with long hair, which over the years has basically become my personality. It is pretty much the only thing about myself I love, and I really don't think I want to shave it off.
YES, if i shave it, my niece could be shocked that her long-haired cousin finally shaved his hair off in order to support her. But, if I have to keep things real, I might sound extremely rude here, but my aunt made a video showing my niece's reaction to my mom and sister shaving their heads off and she did not even seem to care even slightly about it.
The video went like this: aunt trying to show the picture to my niece, who is watching a cartoon. She has to tap her maybe 4 times to get her attention, and when she looks, she just stares at it, says 'wow' and continues watching her cartoon.
I noticed after this video, my mom started to kind of become pushy towards me about shaving my hair to show my support. Again, this might sound rude, but in other words, she wants to drag me down into the pit with her.
This morning, I got a text from my aunt where she said it would be really nice if I shaved my head as well, in order to show my emotional support towards my niece. If we have to keep things real, shaving my head will basically change nothing in the entire situation at all.
But, I cant just say no, can I? I seriously really don't know what to do. If my aunt would have shown a little more appreciation to my sister and mom, I would have probably considered it. But considering she did not even reply to the pictures and just immediately showed them to my niece, as if you HAVE to do it, I don't think I'm willing to do it.
Don't get me wrong, I really really really love my niece, and even though I'm not that close with her, I always really cared about her and made sure she always felt comfortable with me, and I have a lot of fun memories with her when she was a little girl. Its just that when they moved a couple towns away, we started seeing them less and less.
But really, what do I do? I'm almost getting threatened to cut off my hair by three people. And if I do decide to do it, what if no appreciation is shown? Yes, I would have done it, to show support from my side, but if its not going to be appreciated, then whats the point?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA, it isn’t exactly support if it’s done under coercion. And nobody should force anybody to change their body if they are unwilling, for someone else.
Removing hair is not very useful support if the niece doesn't value it. It'd be more practical to cook, grocery shop, clean for the aunt/niece, i.e. actually assist. Maybe OP could offer that instead.
The only way you are the AH is if your bald head cures cancer.
NTA. If you do not live in the same house as them then there is no need to do it. But I would lock your bedroom door at night.
When I went through chemo I got a wig. I didn't make anyone shave their hair. It is such attention seeking behaviour. Like they want everyone to know that they are related to someone going through that crap. Keep your hair. Get your niece a cute bucket hat.
NTA. It’s forced and performative and if she’s not even interested in it, it doesn’t help her. Just visit her or send her cards or messages or thinking of you’s or something instead, it can be your own thing, if you want.
If I God forbid, got cancer. I would find extremely condescending. "Showing" support is not the same as a phone call or coming to visit. Which is actually showing support.
No. It’s not an obligation and I get sick of people acting like it is. It’s not support if it’s forced for one thing and two, how is this going to change anything? Enough people have done it already, they’ve made their point. Not sure where you live but cutting someone’s hair off against their will is assault and can be criminally charged in the US.