'AITA for refusing to cut my honeymoon short to attend my sister’s last-minute engagement party?'
"AITA for refusing to cut my honeymoon short to attend my sister’s last-minute engagement party?"
My husband and I (early 30s) recently had our destination wedding in my home country in Latin America. We stayed for about a week and a half; my sister Sarah and her fiancé stayed a few days longer. We were all staying at a family property together.
After the wedding, my husband and I planned a mini-honeymoon to a nature reserve/cloud forest area. It is only about 2.5 to 3 hours away by distance, but the commute is brutal. It involves winding mountain roads that quickly gave me a headache and motion sickness. It is not an easy drive.
We booked a cabin from Monday to Thursday. Since Monday and Thursday were travel days (and recovery from the car sickness), we really only had Tuesday and Wednesday to actually enjoy the honeymoon.
Sarah and her fiancé decided to throw an engagement party at the family house while we were on this trip. Since Sarah and I have a strained relationship (we used to be extremely close and that changed very recently due to her fiancé), I coordinated with my Mom.
I explicitly told my Mom: "We are away Monday-Thursday. If the party is on Thursday, we will absolutely be there. If it is on Wednesday, we cannot make it." Despite this, they scheduled the party for Wednesday.
My mom couldn't give me a reason why. When I was told the date, I said unfortunately we wouldn’t be coming. I wasn't willing to endure that winding drive twice in 24 hours, lose our non-refundable reservation, or cut our already short honeymoon in half.
My mother pulled me aside the morning we were leaving to the honeymoon and told me I needed to be "more flexible" for family. She implied I was being selfish and should just cut the trip short or "make it work" to support my sister.
I tried to not let it get to me, but I felt so sad by the conflict that I cried for an hour as I packed for my honeymoon. Wedding planning in another country and accommodating my husband's family that doesn't speak the language was stressful and I hadn't had any time with just my husband and I the whole trip. I really felt a two day honeymoon wasn't unreasonable.
Sarah isn't explicitly giving me the silent treatment, but things are very cold. She is avoiding plans to spend the holidays with us, and communication is essentially non-existent.
Why we didn't "just reschedule" or drive back: As mentioned, the roads are treacherous. Doing that round trip in one day would have left me sick and exhausted, effectively ruining the honeymoon.
Money: We are strictly budgeted. We just paid for a wedding, we are two months into a new mortgage, and have other travel commitments next year. We couldn't afford to lose the booking money or pay to change flights/dates.
The Principle: It felt like my time was being devalued. The Background (Context on the relationship): Sarah and I co-own a house back in the States, but our relationship deteriorated over finances.
Before she was engaged, Sarah wanted to move in with her boyfriend to help him with his mortgage. She wanted to rent out her room in our shared house and keep 100% of the rent money to subsidize his bills.
I had to explain that since we are 50/50 owners, rental income is shared revenue. She felt I was unsupportive; I felt she was prioritizing her boyfriend’s finances over our partnership.
Because of this history, and the fact that she picked the one day I said I couldn't make, I suspect she chose Wednesday on purpose so I wouldn't be there, allowing her to paint me as the unsupportive sister. AITA for sticking to my honeymoon plans?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
NTA. She can reschedule. Your mom she tell her so.
Your sister did this on purpose. She and her fiancé WANT an excuse to be upset/angry/be able to blame you for something. Don’t go. NTA.
NTA and if she does paint you as unsupportive, reminder anyone your honeymoon was already planned nd she knew it. Not an excuse to leave your honeymoon from anywhere.
NTA, how can she paint you and the unsupportive sister if she knew you were on your honeymoon? Why can’t you make a social media post congratulating her and her partner and then add “I wish I could make it but you already planned your honeymoon before she decided on the date” and then have flowers delivered during the party.
Affectionate_Owl3639 (OP)
(The situation happened a month ago)
I thought about doing something like this, but I was so distraught that my mom made me feel guilty for wanting to go on my honeymoon and crying the whole morning I could barely pack let alone make a gesture like that.
You don’t have a sister problem then you have a mom problem. You need to communicate to your mom that your mom ruined the first part of your honeymoon because she complained about your sisters intentional decision to exclude you after knowingly planning her event when she knew you couldn’t make it.
And when she tried to blame your sister you need to tell your mom the sister didn’t ruin the honeymoon but she did because she’s upset her daughter didn’t want you there.
NTA how tacky of your sister to purposely plan an engagement party during your destination wedding and honeymoon knowing you had to be responsible for your husband's family while out of country.
Affectionate_Owl3639 (OP)
Our family lives in this country and we haven't visited in 6 years so I don't necessarily blame her for planning an engagement party during the trip because there WAS time for it to not interfere with my wedding/honeymoon but she chose the day I couldn't make it and our friends suspect it's because she didn't want me there. (My sister told them she was uncomfortable being at my wedding)
This is the time to put boundaries in place. You and your husband(and future kids) are now your family. Parents and siblings are now extended family. Stick to your boundary. And turn off your phone!! You're on your honeymoon ffs. Turn your phone back on when you get back on Thursday. And then refuse to discuss this any further.
If they try to argue with you just laugh and say that they're insane if they thought you would cancel your honeymoon for any reason. And laugh at the ridiculousness of anyone who would ask a person to do such a ridiculous thing!!! People hate to be mocked and laughed at.And then refuse to discuss again.