'AITA for refusing to delete pics on social media that my son’s GF asked me to delete?'

"AITA for not deleting pictures on my social media that my son’s girlfriend asked me to delete?"

My son (20)M is in the military. He has a girlfriend (18f) who he met on TikTok a few months ago. They met up in person for the first time over Christmas (he flew out to see her). I have been supportive of this. He recently called me and his father and said they wanted to get married soon. Also asked that we not tell extended family or they would not allow us at the ceremony.

There is A LOT more to this…but to the matter at hand. My son called us this past week and said his girlfriend is uncomfortable with pictures I have on my social media of him and a few of his exes. He asked if I would remove them. I said no.

His dad was with my during this call (we were in the car) and he basically told my son it’s your mother’s social media and she’s not going to be doing that. She must have been on the phone listening, cause she messaged me privately via text. It was a long text but with in it she said:

“I just wanted to reach out respectfully and share something that’s been on my mind. I noticed some posts on your Instagram that include (sons name) past relationships, and I’ll be honest it made me feel a little uncomfortable.

I completely understand not wanting to erase memories or your experiences as a mom, and I’m not trying to take that away from you at all. I just hope you can also understand where I’m coming from as the person he’s building his future with.”

I relied back and said:

“Thank you for sharing how this makes you feel. I want to be honest with you as well. Your request makes me uncomfortable. This is my social media account, not his, and we don’t know each other well enough for a request like that to feel appropriate. Because of that, I’m not willing to make changes to my personal accounts.

I also think it’s important to respect personal boundaries, especially at this stage. I’m happy to continue getting to know you in a natural way, but I need to be clear about what I’m comfortable with.

That said, yes..photos will remain on my account.

I hope you can understand where I’m coming from.”

I will say, all were posted at the time he was in Those relationships. Nothing since they have been together (I even have a picture from when they met up on there).

My son has not spoken to me since. I am not sure if I was right in this, and while I don’t want him to marry so young, or to someone he barely knows, I can’t stop him. And if she does end up being my DIL, I never want to have a bad relationship with her.

But I just cannot get past asking me to delete things she really has no business asking me to. My son has a past and he’s not with those people for a reason obviously. AITAH for refusing to remove them?

This is what people had to say to OP:

teamglider said:

You could have just changed the privacy settings until they break up, lol

Zelaznogtreborknarf said:

As an old military retiree, with him being 20 and the gf being 18, IF they get married, the odds of it surviving long are very slim, so she would soon be another ex of his you'd have on your social media.

In some ways, I wish the military had the rules for marriage when my father was in (got to be a certain tank to get married without checking with your chain of command)/, mandatory counseling prior, etc).

I saw many young troops get married and divorced several times in their career it was heartbreaking. Usually the civilian bride wanted a "stable man with a career with benefits" and the military member wanted to not live in the barracks. Never a great recipe for a long marriage. Add in deployments, PCS (transfer to a new duty location), especially if it is overseas far from the civilian spouse's family.

OP responded:

I appreciate your opinion. And everyone we know had a similar experience. And I want to say, I have always told him if he wants to get married, he’s a big boy , he can do whatever he wants. But she lives half way across the country, and they don’t even know what it’s like to living anywhere but home.

He’s been in his barracks for awhile, but he still comes home or calls us if there is a problem. (He’s 6 hours away). I worry they are moving quickly just because to be together more. Not realizing they don’t really know each other all that well.

Miserable-PinUp said:

I'm active duty and 20 yr old marrying an 18 yr old is just a lot of red flags. How long have they known each other?

OP responded:

Not long enough. 5 months

Difficult_Jury_7455 said:

Your son is in the military and she's 18 lol. It's not going to last much longer let's be honest. He's away for periods of time and she likes going out drinking with friends. The problem will take care of itsself

And OP responded:

lol, my husband said something similar. This is the second girl he’s been engaged to. Not one time have I told him not too. Just explained what could happen if he does. His father and I have been together go 24 years…and I think he wants to be in a relationship/marriage so bad