The father of my siblings died 11 months ago. He had been married to my mom since I was 4 but he never considered me his kid or treated me like his own. He told me himself when I was a child that he was not my father and my daddy was some AH who walked out on my mom when she told him she was pregnant with me.
He said if I ever wanted a father I needed to track him down but I shouldn't expect him to step up. He wanted his own kids. My mom and him had three kids together. There's an 8 to 11 year age gap between me and them. And they always believed we were full siblings.
My mom never corrected it and their father never realized they believed that. When they were all 12 and older I sat them down and I told them we had different fathers. I had wanted to do it before but they were kind of petulant kids and I knew I'd be wasting my energy trying to convince them.
Back when I did explain it I even showed them my birth certificate as proof. They didn't believe me and had all these excuses. When I pointed out the difference in how he treated us they said that was just because I was the oldest.
My mom died 5 years ago. Her husband became ill after her death and my siblings and I had a big fight because I refused to contribute to or help with the care of their father.
They hated me for it and said I was taking the difference in treatment out on him when it was known older kids have it different. They told me if this was more he's not my dad bs then I needed to get the eff over it and accept that we're full siblings.
Now that he's dead? They have finally accepted it because he left me nothing in his will and left very strict instructions that I get nothing because I'm not his child. My siblings are in their 20s now and I'm in my 30s and I'm married with kids. It really doesn't bother me that he left me nothing.
I knew from a young age to expect nothing. I had accepted that if he lived longer than mom that would be it for me. I cared for him as much as he cared for me and his death has made no difference to my life.
Now, after all the crap my siblings have thrown at me, they want us to talk about it. Not only that but the will. I refused. I told them I was not going to rehash all this again and they were free to discuss it with each other but since they didn't apologize to me yet I could assume didn't feel bad about it and I didn't need anymore fighting with them.
They accused me of never giving them a real chance to understand. I told them they had been so quick to shut down the truth and to accuse me of just being a petty daughter and unable to accept the truth because I was bitter that I didn't feel the need to give them more chances with this.
I said I had accepted long ago that the man would have been happier if I didn't exist and wasn't around. I didn't need to hold their hand through the truth that's nothing to do with them in the end. They think I should be more open. Maybe I should be. So I wanted to ask AITA?
NTA Your siblings had countless opportunities to understand the truth, but they chose denial and attacked you for it. Now that the will has forced them to confront reality, it's not your responsibility to hold their hand or relive the pain they've dismissed for years. They owe you an apology, not demands for your emotional labor.
NTA. Seems the petulant children became adults.
Keep doing what you are doing. Its not your problem.
NTA, they are old enough to start off with an apology if they want to initiate a talk with you. No apologies means they are still not acknowledging or taking accountability of how they reacted/acted when you told them the truth countless times.
The fact that they only want to TALK about it now that the will is out shows that their intentions are not that "innocent", to put it lightly, feels like the apple after all doesn't fall far from the tree. I am deeply hurt by how you were treated in your childhood though... Was your mom never aware of how your stepdad treated you.
Agile-Huckleberry607 (OP)
My mom was aware. I'm not sure if she was aware of everything but she was aware of the things he said to me about not being my dad and she knew he never spent time with me.
They literally called u a liar for years and now that the will proves u right, they suddenly wanna “understand”? Please. They had their chance to understand when u first told them and showed them proof.
They chose to ignore it and even attacked u for it. Now they get to live with the consequences. U dont owe them anythin, especially not after how they treated u. Its good that ur not letting them gaslight u into thinking ur the problem.
NTA. You spent years trying to explain the truth to your siblings, only for them to shut you down and accuse you of being bitter. Now that the will has forced them to confront reality, they want you to hold their hands through the emotional fallout.
You’re not obligated to rehash painful experiences for their benefit, especially when they’ve never apologized for how they treated you. If they want closure, they can find it without dragging you back into the past. You’ve done enough.
NTA. You spent years trying to explain the truth to your siblings, only for them to shut you down and accuse you of being bitter. Now that the will has forced them to confront reality, they want you to hold their hands through the emotional fallout.
You’re not obligated to rehash painful experiences for their benefit, especially when they’ve never apologized for how they treated you. If they want closure, they can find it without dragging you back into the past. You’ve done enough.