'AITA for refusing to do free work for my kids' stepfather?'
"AITA for refusing to do free work for my kids' stepfather?"
I’m an electrician and a union member. My ex and I share custody of our three kids. Things are ok now, but the divorce last year was rough. She got remarried in August to a guy after dating for six months let’s call him “Brad".
Here where the issue kinda starts; a few weeks ago Brad was at my daughter’s volleyball game saying stuff about how “Real tradesmen don’t need to be in a union.” He said this right in front of me, and I was wearing a shirt with my union logo on it.
He works in the trades also but just does small non union IT/ data network jobs. I stayed calm and didn’t bite. He is self employed and I know barely makes a profit. My license also allows me to do all of his kind of work at my pay rate.
This morning, my ex called me out of the blue. She said a panel at one of Brad's jobs, needed some work and asked if I could “just swing by” to check it out. She said, “You’d only need your tools for a few minutes just a quick favor, it’s not a big deal, and you would be technically working for Brad."
So when my ex asked for a quick favor, I told her, "I charge everyone the same rate, and per union rules I cant just do a side job its gotta be done under my shop." She said, “You’re really gonna force this issue with my husband?”
I told her, “He can just have his own subcontractors or step up and by paying me like everyone else does.” Now she’s saying I’m being petty and creating tension. Claiming that im just making a stink cause he lives with the kids."
I told her that professionalism isn’t petty and that I don’t give free labor to people who disrespect my trade. So AITA for refusing to do free work for my ex’s husband, even though it might make things awkward for my co-parenting relationship?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Well you dont actually have a choice in the matter, you have to follow union rules. You arent doing anything but following the code of conduct you agrees to by joining a union. Its not personal, its professional.
NTA. The “you would be technically working for Brad” line makes me think he just wanted to brag that he has some sort of power over you.
NTA - I will never understand why people are anti-union. It is annoying for actors, because with a SAG or Equity card we can’t do community projects without potentially facing issues, but even so, unions are fantastic.
Also, since it sounds like Brad is asking you to work on an electrical project for one of his clients, I would be really concerned about the potential for liability later if God forbid anything went wrong.
Amongst my ex-in-laws there are three hairdressers/barbers and I actually dislike having them do my hair because they refuse payment. It makes me uncomfortable to ask someone to work for free. Your ex wife should understand the various reasons why this is a bad idea.
Even relatives are happy to pay real tradesmen for their time and expertise!
He wishes he was in a union. NTA. Don’t jeopardize that for this guy. I wouldn’t put it past him to ‘let it slip’ and try to get you in trouble, if that’s a thing.
Likely Brad was using his tool on your ex-wife's crank shaft pre-divorce. Just say you are snowed under with complex jobs and won't have a chance within the next few weeks. By then, Brad will have had to admit he wasn't up to the job.
NTA - and aw no...he doesn't respect your work since your union right, so why does he want you to work for him. As a wife, your ex can suck and egg on this one. You owe brad absolutely nothing, literally not anything but being cordial in front of the children.
NTA. If he were a real man, he would have called you himself, instead having his wife beg for a favor.
NTA first, it's a valid point about taking a side job going against your union. It would be different if he was like an accountant and needed help and wanted a family "discount", but him working these various jobs take opportunities away from the union and weakens what the union can provide it's members, and if you bail him out for free he'll probably take on more jobs he shouldn't on the assumption you'll keep helping.
Also, he's disrespectful of you and your work, so he shouldn't get favors. Also, the fact that your ex specifically slipped in that you'd be working for him makes me wonder why she had to say that expressly, like he wanted her to say that because even when asking for a favor from you he needs to be top dog. I say let him suffer the consequences of getting in over his head.
NTA. Do NOT engage, for any price. Also, I seriously doubt that she started dating him after the divorce.
NTA. He did this on purpose to be an AH. He despises unions and would love to see a union member he personally hates do the work for free. If you did this, he would crow about it for years. Kudos for refusing.
Brad is a cheapskate. Brad wants you to do everything for free. Brad wants to feel superior and be your boss. Brad thinks it totally fair to ask you to break the rules for him 'cause he's special.
Your ex has forgotten that she is your ex, with no rights to your time and money outside of the kids' needs. You are perfectly entitled to refuse to put up with their nonsense. They can hire and pay somebody else.
NTA. Sounds like Brad's in over his head. He took a job he doesn't have the skills and experience to do. It's ridiculous that your ex thinks you should bail him out. Why would you take work away from a subcontractor who Brad hasn't insulted yet?
NTA - ex’s husband clearly wants the credit for the union man’s work but not willing to pay for it. I can’t help but wonder if the contract under-which ex’s man is working requires a union electrician’s sign off and this is ex’s cheap scab way of getting it.