'AITA for refusing to dress my twins identically for the family picture?' 'I am being selfish here.'
"AITA for refusing to dress my twins identically for the family picture?"
I'm the Mother of 1 year old identical twin girls, I have never liked the idea of dressing them identically because while they are twins they aren't the same child, so whenever i'm given matching outfits I mix and match them to make them look different or rotate who wears what.
I've always felt it's important they be allowed their own sense of self and not have "Twin" pushed on the as a major part of their identity. Family pictures are coming up soon for my Great-Grandmothers 80th Birthday, we want to commemorate this with pictures and my Mother has booked professional photographs for this.
The dress code is formal, I've bought one daughter a sparkly purple dress she is like a little magpie anything sparkly and she is all over it. For my other daughter, I've bought a green dress with flowers on it as she loves flowers. I plan to do one daughters hair in pigtails and the other will have a hairband.
My mother called me and asked me to dress them alike as it will look cute for the picture, I told her she knows how I feel about that and that we won't be doing that, I told her i'd even bought dresses already.
She offered to buy them new matching dresses, but I refused. She told me I was being ridiculous and it was only one picture and wouldn't kill them, when I asked if she'd bought my brother's daughters who are 11 and 7 matching dresses...
She said no, why would she do that which led to me asking her why my children should dress alike then which of course the answer was them being identical twins.
This led to a rather heated conversation and I told my mother that they are my daughters and it's my call, all she needs to be concerned about is them being presentable and matching the dress code.
She told me I am being selfish here and it won't matter, pointing out how lots of twins like to dress alike. I told her that if they wished to dress alike one day i'd not stop them but till then this is what I was doing.
My brother has since called me and asked me to just do it, that our Mother is stressed out and how I can change the girls out of it after the picture and that it's only a picture and it'd keep the peace. I know it's only a picture but it just sits wrong with me, is it really assholeish of me to not bend on this?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
DisgruntleFairy said:
NTA - The kids are yours and ultimately their clothing choices are yours. If your Mom wants a photo shoot, she has to negotiate with you regarding how the kids are dressed. You have laid out your limits, and she can either agree or not have photos of the kids done.
Those are her options. I'm glad you are not really indulging the twin thing. There have been some really sad and troubling posts here about families that went way too far on it.
sapphirecat30 said:
Coming from someone with an identical twin sister- NTA and thank you for your service.
No_Raccoon7539 said:
NTA. If it’s such a little thing and not a big deal then why is she so upset? Is there someone putting pressure on her? Is it something her elders could be making a fuss over? Not that it’s your burden to carry, but maybe it’d explain some of why she’s so worked up.
Major_Barnacle_2212 said:
Either all the kids match or none of the kids match. Being a twin has no separate dress code. NTA.
ElleArr26 said:
NTA. Why why why do we keep hearing “just do it to keep the peace?" Unreasonable people will never learn if people just keep rolling over for them.
FigForsaken5419 said:
NTA. Pictures are forever. That picture is going to hang in your mother's house until your twins are old enough to hate dressing alike. They will thank you for allowing them to have their own identities. Coming from a girl who was twined with her both her older sister and younger brother until she was in middle school.