'AITA for refusing to eat the food my father-in-law made and lying about why?'

"AITA for refusing to eat the food my father-in-law made and lying about why?"

So I (26F) have been married to my husband Nikolas (29M) for over a year. He was raised in the UK, his father his Greek and his mother is English. When his parents got divorced, his father moved back to Greece, and because Niko has always had a strained relationship with his father, they don't talk or see each other very much - but they tend to get together to have dinner whenever he's back in the UK.

This time he was back for a month and he rented out an apartment and so he invited around the both of us around - he didn't specify that we were going to eat anything, just said we could have a few drinks and chat.

I've only met him once or twice before now, and I didn't see any reason not to do so and figured that it would be some good backup for Niko if he wanted to leave early or anything. So we went around yesterday at around 9pm.

When we got there, FIL had made a traditional Greek dish called spanakopita (sort of like a pie but it's made with filo pastry, it has spinach and feta). For context, I have a history of mental health problems with food, and eating in front of people that I don't really know is still an issue for me, and anything with pastry is something that I tend to avoid even now.

He was pleasant enough, welcomed us all in and offered us the food, and I said no thank you because I was anxious with the situation. Niko caught on that I was uncomfortable and so told his dad that we'd already eaten, but his dad kept insisting that we should try it.

At us saying no again, he got very up in arms about how he'd gone to the effort of making the food, and that it shouldn't be such an issue for us to just have some of it, and that he felt as though we were disrespecting him by refusing to eat the food.

So husband and I apologized, offered to stay for drinks, but ultimately left as he remained angry about the situation. I know I could have explained why I didn't want to eat it, but I felt uncomfortable trauma dumping on him about the real reason why, or I could have tried a little bit and then just left it and he probably would have been fine. AITA?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

vociferousgirl said:

NAH. I know this is a medical issue for you, but this is a cultural thing with Greeks, food is how we show our love, so this would be considered very rude, especially without a reason. Saying you have a health probably would have been an easy way out.

I would also say, as someone who has a history of food issues and is currently a therapist, you should go back to therapy to work on this, because it sounds like you don't have a history, you're still really engaged with your behaviors.

-Liriel- said:

YTA and it is disrespectful to just refuse without an explanation. First, why didn't your husband eat anything? He could have eaten something. Then, you could have said you had a stomach bug, or that you're on a restricted diet for medical reasons, anything really along the lines of "I'd really want to but sadly I can't."

[deleted] said:

YTA - It was highly disrespectful. Lying? No, if you cannot then you tell the truth, to some degree. The reason this is a problem is the strained relationship and a Father trying to do something very nice to build the relationship. It wasn’t about the food at all.

As an adult, you should have more emotional awareness of what was going on. Healing a parental connection was more important. Instead, you fractured it more. You left when everyone was angry, never explained the truth. This YTA.

lilac-skye1 said:

YTA, collectively. You didn’t do anything wrong, but your husband obviously should have eaten the food. There’s no way he would have not been offended.

lapapesse said:

YTA. It’s normal to feed people who visit your home and it’s normal to accept the food if you are a guest. It’s very strange to insist you won’t even take a plate. Just try one bite, say it’s good, then take some home with you if they see you didn’t eat much and offer. This is the burden of having Mediterranean in-laws.

GoddessfromCyprus said:

I'm Greek and food is our way of showing love. Just saying no, is an insult. If I was the Dad and you'd said, I can't due to a medical condition, but thank you so much, I would have accepted it with grace. Even with non Greeks, saying a plain no, is rude. So a soft YTA