'AITA for refusing to forgive my FIL for what happened at my wedding?'

"AITA for not forgiving my FIL for what happened at my wedding?"

I (32F) married my husband (32M) this past May. We’d been together for a little over five years before tying the knot, and for the most part, I’ve always gotten along well with his family—except for his father.

It’s not that we’ve ever had an outright conflict, but I genuinely dislike him and have no respect for him. He has a serious attitude problem and tends to believe a lot of misinformation he finds online.

Physically, due to his size, he spends most of his time in a recliner and needs a cane to walk short distances, or a walker with a seat for longer distances. I’m not trying to shame him for that, but it’s relevant to the situation. For context, this is my husband’s second marriage—his first ended after his ex-wife cheated. We met about eight months after his divorce.

The issue started at our wedding. During the rehearsal dinner and the ceremony itself, my father-in-law was visibly pouting and looked absolutely miserable the entire time. Then, when it came time for family photos after the ceremony, he stood up from his walker and snapped at the photographer.

He threatened to sue her if any photos of him ended up online, insisting he had never had a photo online and planned to keep it that way. The photographer, rightfully, stood her ground and assured him that family photos wouldn’t be posted. He proceeded to scowl in every single photo.

It’s been months since the wedding, and I still refuse to look at him, speak to him, or be around him beyond occasional family dinners. My husband’s family also has a lake house, but I won’t go if his dad is there—he just plants himself in a recliner in the living room the entire time, and I have no desire to be around him.

Some people say my feelings are valid, while others tell me I should be over it by now. But I’m just… not. AITA?

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

sceez said:

He sounds miserable and just takes it out on whoever is around.

OP responded:

he genuinely is. I probably wouldn't be so upset by what he did if it wasn't my wedding he did it at.

ScarletDarkstar said:

I think putting your husband in a bad position over the expression on someone's face in your wedding and subsequent photos is about ridiculous. We get it, you don't like anything about him.

That's also your husband's father. There are situations where people have to choose their spouse or their family of origin, but you are really looking for a reason to create a divide here beyond what is justified. How would you feel if he refused to go anywhere near your parents?

markayhali said:

So he was pissy at your wedding? He still went, wasn’t mean to you, and did pose for photos. Newsflash: He’s allowed to be a grumpy weirdo. There is absolutely nothing, at least in your post, that would warrant a “no contact” sentence being imposed. I’m not sure why you felt the need to mention his size. YTA.

OneWayBackwards said:

He sounds miserable and you sound like you’re matching his energy. Ya married into the family, and your long-term relationship with your husband and the rest of them is more important than a sad sack at the wedding. You're overreacting.

And SnooWords4839 said:

Personally, I would go and totally ignore the AH. Go have fun with everyone else and don't even acknowledge him. Also, I would post your wedding pics and block him from your social media. NTA.

She later added this edit in response to comments:

The photographer has agreed to remove him from the photos but that doesn’t delete the ones he’s already in. My husband has access to those and can do what he wants with them, not my business.

I don’t have kids, most likely won’t. So there is no grandkids he’s being kept from.

This wasn’t just my wedding, it was also his son’s wedding. So yes, I did expect better behavior from him. If he didn’t want to be in any photos he simply could have said that, I wasn’t forcing anyone to do anything.

I don’t want to be around him but I ignore him when I am. When we are at the lake house it’s for an extended weekend and don’t want to spend that much time with him.

I’m literally not asking anyone else, especially my husband, to disown his dad. His relationship with him is not my business. I’m also not asking anyone else to feel the way I feel about the situation or react the way I’m reacting.

Lastly, that whole “that’s still family” holds no weight with me. Family or not I find it unacceptable to act like that in public and at special events. I don’t agree with the whole “that’s just who they are” mindset either. I think it’s weird to not hold people accountable for their actions.