"AITA for refusing to forgive my sister?"
For context, I (f29) refuses to forgive my sister (f27) for what she did. She saw how our mom almost left us and end herself when my dad cheated when we were kids. She saw how I almost went crazy last year, when my ex-fiancée cheated with his girl best friend.
Now, I found out that my sister was a mistress. My sister was hired to the previous company that I worked for. I personally know the guy and the wife as they were my past coworkers.
I apologized and cried to the wife when she told me what happened. I even begged for her not to shame my sister online and post the embarrassing pics and vids my sister and the guy have.
I only found out all about this last month before Christmas. The wife reached out to me personally while I was at work. I even took leave of absences to confront my sister and make sure my mom won't be emotionally affected.
I was so mad with her and told her to break up with the guy and resign asap because it will be awkward and hard for the wife to work with cheaters and as part of her atonement if she really meant the apologies she gave.
Now, in the family, my younger brother (25) hates me for telling my sister to resign and move away. I told her to move because i don't know what the wife might do to her. As her older sister I still care for her dignity and I am scared for her as well because worse, the wife might hurt her physically or embarrass her publicly.
My sister hates me to the core as well for taking the side of the wife and calling her a 'cheater'. I'm not against her, I am against of what she did. As she's the golden child among us siblings, our mom even told me to stop as she said I am the one who's disrupting the peace in our family by refusing to forgive my sister.
It was like them vs me now. I am the villain in this family now. Am I really the AH for standing for what I know is right? I want to save my sister but I also want her to face the consequences of what she did.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
NTA, not the villain. But by protecting your golden child sister from the consequences of her cheating, you are further enabling her. Let the woman whose husband she just had to sleep with expose her. After that happened, you can calmly explain to your family that that's exactly what you were trying to protect her from...
YTA. Why are you involved? This is between the husband and wife and your sister. You should stay out of it. You are not helping, and you start off by saying you can’t forgive your sister because of a bunch of things that your sister didn’t do. If your sister had an extramarital affair, she didn’t do it to hurt you. Stop making it about you.
Let the wife shame your sister online. Looks like golden child needs to learn the hard way.
ESH. Your sister sucks for cheating, even though she's seen first hand the devastation it leaves behind. Your colleague sucks for cheating on his wife The wife sucks for getting you involved, seriously, this is nothing to do with you. Your family sucks for trying to force you to have a relationship with your sister.
But YOU suck because what do you mean you forced her to quit her job and move away? She's a grown adult, and this was her responsibility to clean up her own mess. You can't go around ordering grown ass adults like they are children.
You are more than within your rights to cut her off from YOUR life, to stop all contact between the two of you. However you are WAY over the line controlling anything about her life beyond the contact you two have with each other.
Who appointed u head of the morality police? Are you without sin to cast stones at ur sister? This is none of ur business. To say ur protecting ur mother is disingenuous bc she even told you to stop interfering and creating family problems. There’s nothing ur sister needs u to forgive u for bc she didn’t do anything to u. YTA.
YTA. I think you stuck your nose a little too deep. If consequences were going to happen then they are going to happen without you intervening. It's not your business. Your sister did something stupid, and without knowing all the details you pretty much just blew up everyone's life. Even if her actions end up hurting people it's not your business to punish everyone involved.
Take a breath, step back from the situation, and realize your past trauma is not there to control you. The wife is not going to do anything other than get more than half of her husband's stuff. You can help pick up the pieces, not dictate consequences.
NTA but you have to find a way forward. As to "forgive her" I'm not sure what she did TO YOU. It's not appropriate for you to take the other side in ANY way. On the other hand, I'm not sure they're wrong to be mad at you.
You should not have taken the meeting with the wife- YTA for that, but it would be nothing if everyone involved hadn't gone crazy. I'm praying for you and the others, the suck surely isn't over. This doesn't have to cost you your family.
Helping someone cheats is wrong. Family shouldn't be covering for her or telling her it's okay. The wife is the only victim here and op tried to help her sister despite her sister's horrible and vile choices and actions. She's the only one doing the right thing for her sister.
NTA for refusing to forgive her. You have your beliefs and her behaviour went against that. You are, however, being silly for expecting her to behave the way you would, and for expecting her to just do whatever you say. Ypu are very controlling and demanding. Your energy would be better spent elsewhere. Quit trying to protect her and let her live with the consequences of her actions.